When the phone rang, I was filled with nervous anticipation. My husband was searching for a job after his second layoff, and he had just taken a test for the one company that could keep us in Russellville with all of our family. I was so hopeful for good news.
After all, at the moment, pain was all around me. I was in a Florida hotel room accompanying my mother-in-law to her step-father's funeral. This sudden death added to the pain our family was experiencing with my father-in-law's fight with cancer. I was so hopeful that this phone call would bring a light to our darkness.
But my hopes were shattered as soon as I heard Matt's voice. He didn't know the results, but he was sure he didn't pass. In that phone call, our hopes for staying in our hometown, being near our family, and building our home, were slipping away.
I went to take a shower before the visitation, and I couldn't help but sob and sob. I didn't understand. Why were all these things happening at once? Why couldn't we have gotten some good news? Had God forgotten about us? Did he still have a plan? Why did he seem so silent? At that moment, the faith I had worked so hard to maintain over the months was crumbling.
And there I was. With nothing else left to cling to. Except the one thing I couldn't let go of.
Thankfully, in the midst of it all, I couldn't forget Who my God is. I couldn't forget his promises. His character. His love. His provision. I learned that when I fixed my eyes on him, and him alone, the circumstances around me seemed to get dimmer in the shadow of his light.
What I experienced in my heart that day is what I think Peter experienced when he walked on the water with Jesus.
"'Come,' [Jesus] said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, 'Lord, save me!'" (Matthew 14:29-30)
According to the first part of this verse, Peter walked on the water with no problem. He had his eyes on Jesus. The reality of his circumstances - the fierce wind and waves - were not a question in his mind at that point. All that mattered was that he saw Jesus, he was walking to Jesus, and he trusted Jesus.
But then things changed. Peter became aware of his reality. Most translations of this verse I read say that Peter "saw" the wind. If Peter saw the wind, then his eyes weren't fixed on Jesus. They were fixed on his circumstances, and he panicked. He found himself sinking.
One interesting thing to note is that the wind didn't stop when Peter was walking on water. The difference in his condition was where his eyes were fixed. When they were fixed on Jesus, his circumstances didn't change. The wind was howling and the waves were threatening. But because his eyes were on Jesus, he didn't sink.
Similarly, when we fix our eyes on Jesus, our circumstances don't automatically improve. Jesus doesn't always calm the storm immediately. But when our focus is on him, our perspective changes. He gives us the strength to overcome, and he walks us through it. Then, in his time, and whether it be in this life or in Heaven, Jesus will take us in the boat and the wind will stop.
A few weeks after Matt took his test, he got a letter that he - miraculously - passsed his test and eventually got the job. Jesus had taken us into the boat and this storm had calmed.
But I will never forget that day when the wind and waves were so fierce that all I could do to keep from sinking was look to my Jesus.
Walking on Water, Part 1
I remember the night vividly. It was spring of last year, and I was sitting in the chair beside Drew's crib, waiting for him to fall asleep. The praise songs that calmed Drew for sleep were echoing in the room, almost mocking how I was feeling at the moment.
My husband had been laid off for the second time in four months, and we were clueless about what God wanted for us. The faith that had seen me through the first layoff was faltering. I couldn't see which way to go, and I definitely couldn't see God anywhere in sight. It felt as if he had just left us there in our situation, all alone.
This must have been what the disciples had felt after Jesus had fed the five thousand and then sent the them across the sea on a boat. When Jesus still hadn't joined them between 3 a.m. and 6 a.m., the disciples were afraid and worried. Not only was it the wee hours of the morning, but the wind was also causing the boat to rock and sway. They were fearful and probably confused. After all, they were on the water because this was what Jesus had told them to do, and they had followed his instructions.
Little did they know that Jesus was going to come through for them and perform a miracle right before their frightened eyes.
If Jesus had walked on water during the daytime and in calm seas, would the disciples have experienced the full effect and power of this miracle?
Sometimes we can do exactly what Jesus tells us to do, and stil we find ourselves in the dark, tossed by the wind and waves, with no hint of Jesus in sight. But it's just in this lowest moment where he wants to do a miracle and reveal his full power and presence to us.
Three months after my husband's second layoff, he was blessed with a job better than the previous two. Even though at times we couldn't see God's plan, looking back, his hand never left us. Our faith grew in a way that would have never been possible, had we not been in the storm in the first place.
"But he said to them, 'It is I; don't be afraid.' Then they were willing to take him into the boat, and immediately the boat reached the shore where they were heading" (John 6:20-21).
My husband had been laid off for the second time in four months, and we were clueless about what God wanted for us. The faith that had seen me through the first layoff was faltering. I couldn't see which way to go, and I definitely couldn't see God anywhere in sight. It felt as if he had just left us there in our situation, all alone.
This must have been what the disciples had felt after Jesus had fed the five thousand and then sent the them across the sea on a boat. When Jesus still hadn't joined them between 3 a.m. and 6 a.m., the disciples were afraid and worried. Not only was it the wee hours of the morning, but the wind was also causing the boat to rock and sway. They were fearful and probably confused. After all, they were on the water because this was what Jesus had told them to do, and they had followed his instructions.
Little did they know that Jesus was going to come through for them and perform a miracle right before their frightened eyes.
If Jesus had walked on water during the daytime and in calm seas, would the disciples have experienced the full effect and power of this miracle?
Sometimes we can do exactly what Jesus tells us to do, and stil we find ourselves in the dark, tossed by the wind and waves, with no hint of Jesus in sight. But it's just in this lowest moment where he wants to do a miracle and reveal his full power and presence to us.
Three months after my husband's second layoff, he was blessed with a job better than the previous two. Even though at times we couldn't see God's plan, looking back, his hand never left us. Our faith grew in a way that would have never been possible, had we not been in the storm in the first place.
"But he said to them, 'It is I; don't be afraid.' Then they were willing to take him into the boat, and immediately the boat reached the shore where they were heading" (John 6:20-21).
The Old Box
After three months of living in our new home, I am still unpacking boxes. Yesterday, while cleaning out yet another, I came across a beautiful gold and purple box. Not remembering what was inside, I opened the box, remembering why I never threw it out.
Inside the 8" square box was a hand-written note that said, "Jill, I wanted to get you a little gift for Valentine but did not have a chance to shop. Thanks for your encouraging letters. [Your family is] special. Love you, Pauline S." Beneath the note was an old multi-colored scarf in perfect condition, a maroon and gold beaded necklace, and a box of heart-shaped soaps that must have been older than me.
Miss Pauline was a homebound elderly lady whom I "adopted" as a teenager through "Adopt a Grandparent" at our church. It turns out this never-married lady ended up "adopting" me.
Though we lived just a few miles apart, Miss Pauline and I exchanged letters regularly, and my mom would take me to visit her from time to time. I don't recall what we ever talked about but I do remember how much time and love she invested in me.
I probably didn't really appreciate the gift she gave me that Valentine's Day. But looking back, it was a gift from her heart. In her Christ-like agape love for me, she took from her own belongings to give me this gift. Looking back, this gift was just one example of how she did her best to pour her life into mine.
Though the scarf, necklace, and even the soaps are probably considered antiques by now, Pauline's gift is a tangible reminder for me of how the God wants me to pour my life into others so they will know how great His love truly is.
May I always be reminded of this when I see this old box.
"By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another" (John 13:35).
Inside the 8" square box was a hand-written note that said, "Jill, I wanted to get you a little gift for Valentine but did not have a chance to shop. Thanks for your encouraging letters. [Your family is] special. Love you, Pauline S." Beneath the note was an old multi-colored scarf in perfect condition, a maroon and gold beaded necklace, and a box of heart-shaped soaps that must have been older than me.
Miss Pauline was a homebound elderly lady whom I "adopted" as a teenager through "Adopt a Grandparent" at our church. It turns out this never-married lady ended up "adopting" me.
Though we lived just a few miles apart, Miss Pauline and I exchanged letters regularly, and my mom would take me to visit her from time to time. I don't recall what we ever talked about but I do remember how much time and love she invested in me.
I probably didn't really appreciate the gift she gave me that Valentine's Day. But looking back, it was a gift from her heart. In her Christ-like agape love for me, she took from her own belongings to give me this gift. Looking back, this gift was just one example of how she did her best to pour her life into mine.
Though the scarf, necklace, and even the soaps are probably considered antiques by now, Pauline's gift is a tangible reminder for me of how the God wants me to pour my life into others so they will know how great His love truly is.
May I always be reminded of this when I see this old box.
"By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another" (John 13:35).
Roles in Check
"Father, father! Guess what just happened!" I could barely contain my excitement as I breathed the prayer. I had just had an opportunity to talk to a coworker about Christ. Although it didn't go as far as I'd like, I felt I was still able to make in-roads with this man who was trying to do everything he could to politely refute my beliefs.
I was as giddy as a schoolgirl, telling God about my whole conversation, just like I would tell a friend about an exciting event. Then as I calmed a notch, I'm pretty sure God was chuckling at me. The obvious rushed over me, and if God were sitting beside me in human form, I'm sure he would have said, "Yeah, Jill, I know. I am the one who started that conversation, remember?"
A few months ago, as I was reading in the book of John, I saw another perspective of a familiar story. Jesus' encounter with the woman at the well (John 4) is one we can probably summarize by heart. But when I read this again, I saw something I hadn't seen before. After Jesus told the woman that he was the Christ, she went and told the people of her town about Jesus. Some became believers in him right then. And some went to see him themselves:
"They said to the woman, 'We no longer believe just because of what you said; now we have heard for ourselves, and we know that this man really is the Savior of the world'" (John 4:42).
What was the responsibility of this woman? It was to tell people who Jesus was, period. Her responsibility wasn't to make them believe. Only after personally meeting and hearing Jesus did the people believe in him.
Sometimes it's easy to view our responsibility in evangelism like the President sending troops into battle. It's our job and we are to do it, and we report back our progress. But we don't serve a God who sends us into battle. He goes with us. He empowers us. He gives us the words to say. And HE wins the battle when he convicts hearts and draws people to him. Our job is only to be the vessel, being obedient to the call.
After my conversation with my coworker, I found myself pleading with God, "Father, work in his heart." And I'm sure God was thinking with a smile, "My child, I already have been."
"No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him, and I will raise him up at the last day" (John 6:44).
I was as giddy as a schoolgirl, telling God about my whole conversation, just like I would tell a friend about an exciting event. Then as I calmed a notch, I'm pretty sure God was chuckling at me. The obvious rushed over me, and if God were sitting beside me in human form, I'm sure he would have said, "Yeah, Jill, I know. I am the one who started that conversation, remember?"
A few months ago, as I was reading in the book of John, I saw another perspective of a familiar story. Jesus' encounter with the woman at the well (John 4) is one we can probably summarize by heart. But when I read this again, I saw something I hadn't seen before. After Jesus told the woman that he was the Christ, she went and told the people of her town about Jesus. Some became believers in him right then. And some went to see him themselves:
"They said to the woman, 'We no longer believe just because of what you said; now we have heard for ourselves, and we know that this man really is the Savior of the world'" (John 4:42).
What was the responsibility of this woman? It was to tell people who Jesus was, period. Her responsibility wasn't to make them believe. Only after personally meeting and hearing Jesus did the people believe in him.
Sometimes it's easy to view our responsibility in evangelism like the President sending troops into battle. It's our job and we are to do it, and we report back our progress. But we don't serve a God who sends us into battle. He goes with us. He empowers us. He gives us the words to say. And HE wins the battle when he convicts hearts and draws people to him. Our job is only to be the vessel, being obedient to the call.
After my conversation with my coworker, I found myself pleading with God, "Father, work in his heart." And I'm sure God was thinking with a smile, "My child, I already have been."
"No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him, and I will raise him up at the last day" (John 6:44).
A Personal Encounter
A couple of months ago, I got an email from my friend Tiffany's husband Chris. He asked me to clear my calendar so I could go with Tiffany to a Third Day concert as a surprise for her. (As you can imagine, my calendar was cleared in about 5 minutes!)
I knew of Third Day. Their most recent song "Revelation" is played on the radio all the time and has been a real encouragement to me. Third Day also had many other songs that I had heard throughout the years. But the problem was, I honestly couldn't name one of those songs as I was anticipating that concert.
But then at the concert, I realized the most interesting thing. Almost every song they played I could sing along with. I knew the lyrics by heart. I just never knew the band until I had seen them in person.
After the concert, I noticed on the radio how many Third Day songs were played on a daily basis. A lot of them! But this time each time I listened to one, it was different. I knew the band. I had seen them in person. I couldn't mistake one of their songs for another again.
Isn't that the way some of us are with God? As we live our life, God is speaking all around us, but until we have a personal encounter with him, we won't recognize his voice.
We could be able to quote Bible verses and Bible stories, but until we know the author, it's just like any other historical document.
You see, after I saw Third Day in person, their music came alive. I began to see trends in their music and in their lyrics. I gleaned their central message. I saw their passion.
Similarly, after I had a personal experience with Christ, his "lyrics" came alive. His living Word speaks directly to my heart. All because I have had a personal encounter.
(My prayer is that anyone reading this blog has had a personal encounter with Jesus Christ. It is absolutely life-changing, both here and eternally. We were born sinful and in desperate need for a Savior. God became flesh through Jesus Christ, and he became the sacrifice necessary for our sins. Because of this sacrifice, we can inherit eternal life. Our responsibility is to believe on Jesus Christ as our Savior and make him Lord of our lives. If you haven't done this, I would love to speak to you more about it!)
"For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God." 1 Corinthians 1:18
I knew of Third Day. Their most recent song "Revelation" is played on the radio all the time and has been a real encouragement to me. Third Day also had many other songs that I had heard throughout the years. But the problem was, I honestly couldn't name one of those songs as I was anticipating that concert.
But then at the concert, I realized the most interesting thing. Almost every song they played I could sing along with. I knew the lyrics by heart. I just never knew the band until I had seen them in person.
After the concert, I noticed on the radio how many Third Day songs were played on a daily basis. A lot of them! But this time each time I listened to one, it was different. I knew the band. I had seen them in person. I couldn't mistake one of their songs for another again.
Isn't that the way some of us are with God? As we live our life, God is speaking all around us, but until we have a personal encounter with him, we won't recognize his voice.
We could be able to quote Bible verses and Bible stories, but until we know the author, it's just like any other historical document.
You see, after I saw Third Day in person, their music came alive. I began to see trends in their music and in their lyrics. I gleaned their central message. I saw their passion.
Similarly, after I had a personal experience with Christ, his "lyrics" came alive. His living Word speaks directly to my heart. All because I have had a personal encounter.
(My prayer is that anyone reading this blog has had a personal encounter with Jesus Christ. It is absolutely life-changing, both here and eternally. We were born sinful and in desperate need for a Savior. God became flesh through Jesus Christ, and he became the sacrifice necessary for our sins. Because of this sacrifice, we can inherit eternal life. Our responsibility is to believe on Jesus Christ as our Savior and make him Lord of our lives. If you haven't done this, I would love to speak to you more about it!)
"For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God." 1 Corinthians 1:18
Wait for the Lord
Wait for the Lord. Many verses in the Bible give us this encouragement. Yet when times come where “waiting for the Lord” seems to be the only option left, we might be left to wonder what this exactly means.
Through recent circumstances, I felt God nudging me study the verses commanding us to wait for him. I desired to gain a clearer understanding of what exactly was meant by these verses. My initial findings confused me more. Different Bible versions translate this word “hope” instead of wait. So what is that supposed to mean? Are we supposed to wait or hope?
Through deeper study I saw that the neither “wait” nor “hope” were adequate terms to describe this context. The Amplified Bible gives some examples of what this word actually means: wait and hope for and expect, wait earnestly, wait for and expect, hope and wait eagerly, expectantly wait.
We tend to think of waiting as sitting still. It implies no action. We sit on our hands expecting something to happen. Many times we’re anxious or irritated at the thought of waiting. Sometimes we’re patient. Sometimes we’re not.
But if we’re waiting for the Lord, inactivity is the last thing on His mind. He wants us to be waiting expectantly and earnestly. He wants our focus to be on seeking Him and looking to His Word. Consider Psalm 119:166-169: “I wait for your salvation, O LORD, and I follow your commands. I obey your statutes, for I love them greatly. I obey your precepts and your statutes, for all my ways are known to you. May my cry come before you, O LORD; give me understanding according to your word.” (NIV)
What should our purpose be while we’re waiting expectantly and earnestly for the Lord? Isaiah 26:8 says, “Yes, LORD, walking in the ways of your laws, we wait for you; your name and renown are the desire of our hearts.”
Many of us are presently waiting for God in different areas of our lives, and we can take to heart that God doesn’t want us idly waiting for Him. He wants us to wait expectantly and earnestly, with hope in the amazing things he has planned.
Through recent circumstances, I felt God nudging me study the verses commanding us to wait for him. I desired to gain a clearer understanding of what exactly was meant by these verses. My initial findings confused me more. Different Bible versions translate this word “hope” instead of wait. So what is that supposed to mean? Are we supposed to wait or hope?
Through deeper study I saw that the neither “wait” nor “hope” were adequate terms to describe this context. The Amplified Bible gives some examples of what this word actually means: wait and hope for and expect, wait earnestly, wait for and expect, hope and wait eagerly, expectantly wait.
We tend to think of waiting as sitting still. It implies no action. We sit on our hands expecting something to happen. Many times we’re anxious or irritated at the thought of waiting. Sometimes we’re patient. Sometimes we’re not.
But if we’re waiting for the Lord, inactivity is the last thing on His mind. He wants us to be waiting expectantly and earnestly. He wants our focus to be on seeking Him and looking to His Word. Consider Psalm 119:166-169: “I wait for your salvation, O LORD, and I follow your commands. I obey your statutes, for I love them greatly. I obey your precepts and your statutes, for all my ways are known to you. May my cry come before you, O LORD; give me understanding according to your word.” (NIV)
What should our purpose be while we’re waiting expectantly and earnestly for the Lord? Isaiah 26:8 says, “Yes, LORD, walking in the ways of your laws, we wait for you; your name and renown are the desire of our hearts.”
Many of us are presently waiting for God in different areas of our lives, and we can take to heart that God doesn’t want us idly waiting for Him. He wants us to wait expectantly and earnestly, with hope in the amazing things he has planned.
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