I found myself pulling up my mother-in-law's blog again. I don't know why I was checking it because I knew what would be on there.
I guess I just wanted to hear the good news again.
My father-in-law has been fighting cancer for over two years, a cancer that should have overtaken him long ago. After setback upon setback this year, we received good news for a change. The tumor hadn't grown at all in the six months since his last scan, and most of that time he had no treatment.
First my husband called me, and then my father-in-law called me. Later I found myself wanting to hear the good news from my mother-in-law on her blog. I simply wanted to hear the good news over and over again.
That made me start to think abou the "ultimate" good news of the gospel of Jesus Christ. How often do I yearn to hear that good news over and over? I have to admit sometimes it's easy to mentally "check out" when I hear teaching or preaching about salvation. Tell me something I can use today.
Oh, how that must sadden Jesus who gave it all for me. May I never "get over" this priceless gift. May I be grateful every day that through his sacrifice I have hope in eternal salvation. May I never lose sight that I am saved from the punishment my sins deserve.
May I never tire of hearing the good news. May I want to hear it over and over.
Melancholy Diaries: True Contentment
When he said, "Just relax," I wanted to clock him. You'd think after 8 years of marriage my husband would know that "Just Relax" is the last thing I want to hear when anxiety overwhelms me.
It was not an uncommon Sunday night, when I tend to struggle more than any other time. This particular night seemed worse than other ones, though. My temper was flaring and my will was losing the battle against this depression threatening to overtake me.
The next morning, true to my routine, I fought my "Monday morning blues" and got my coffee at 5:30 and opened the Bible. For some reason, I felt steered toward a familiar passage in Philippians that always intrigued me. It talks about how Paul had learned the "secret" of being content no matter the circumstances. In the past I could never really wrap my mind around the kind of contentment that Paul talked about. But this morning was different.
As I read over this passage, I began to consider the source of my discontent. It was in a particular area of my life that I wanted to be changed. It would be a change that would glorify God; I was simply waiting for his timing. Surely, I thought, once God brings about this change, I will be content. I will have peace and joy.
That's when it hit me. The source of my contentment can't lie in my circumstances, even if my ideal circumstances involve something that would be glorifying to God. The source of my contentment must lie in God and God alone.
My "ideal" circumstance still doesn't promise contentment. Likely, I would struggle with some of the same things I struggle with now. That's why I realized the true state of my heart must be content in God alone. In Jesus' sacrifice that paid my debt. In his overwhelming love for me. In his forgiveness. In the fact that he does have a plan for my life.
But even that perfect plan doesn't promise the peace and joy I long for.
Only God and my heart fully committed to resting in him will bring true joy and peace.
"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want" (Philippians 4:12).
(Melancholy Diaries is a section I will be writing on from time to time about my struggle with a form of depression and discontent, and how God is healing this part of my life. Hopefully through my own struggle, those with similar struggles will be able to identify and find hope.)
It was not an uncommon Sunday night, when I tend to struggle more than any other time. This particular night seemed worse than other ones, though. My temper was flaring and my will was losing the battle against this depression threatening to overtake me.
The next morning, true to my routine, I fought my "Monday morning blues" and got my coffee at 5:30 and opened the Bible. For some reason, I felt steered toward a familiar passage in Philippians that always intrigued me. It talks about how Paul had learned the "secret" of being content no matter the circumstances. In the past I could never really wrap my mind around the kind of contentment that Paul talked about. But this morning was different.
As I read over this passage, I began to consider the source of my discontent. It was in a particular area of my life that I wanted to be changed. It would be a change that would glorify God; I was simply waiting for his timing. Surely, I thought, once God brings about this change, I will be content. I will have peace and joy.
That's when it hit me. The source of my contentment can't lie in my circumstances, even if my ideal circumstances involve something that would be glorifying to God. The source of my contentment must lie in God and God alone.
My "ideal" circumstance still doesn't promise contentment. Likely, I would struggle with some of the same things I struggle with now. That's why I realized the true state of my heart must be content in God alone. In Jesus' sacrifice that paid my debt. In his overwhelming love for me. In his forgiveness. In the fact that he does have a plan for my life.
But even that perfect plan doesn't promise the peace and joy I long for.
Only God and my heart fully committed to resting in him will bring true joy and peace.
"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want" (Philippians 4:12).
(Melancholy Diaries is a section I will be writing on from time to time about my struggle with a form of depression and discontent, and how God is healing this part of my life. Hopefully through my own struggle, those with similar struggles will be able to identify and find hope.)
Sharing in Spite of Fear
Although my hands weren't shaking, they might as well have been. The butterflies in my stomach slowly started to calm. I am embarrassed to even admit the reason for my nervousness.
I just had shared Christ with a coworker.
Don't get me wrong. I have shared my faith plenty of times, but usually it was in the context of one of the following:
I had been praying for "Amy" since she started working in the same office as me a few months prior. I talked about church and tried to be the best example I could be, in the hopes a topic about God would come up. I had tried to build a relationship with her, hoping that the better we got to know one another, the better opportunity I would have. Interestingly, the more we worked together, the harder it became.
Yet lately God has been making me really uncomfortable with my laissez-faire attitude about sharing Christ. Jesus didn't wait for opportunities. He initiated conversations. He didn't tell his disciples to be a good witness because they might be the only Bible some might read. He told them to go and tell.
Yet this conviction didn't make all my fear disappear. Recently I had to take my husband in for a surgical procedure. True to my introvert nature, I just wanted to study for my next lesson I would be teaching at church and maybe read a magazine. My plans did not involve being ready to share my faith with the hospital worker who wanted to small-talk. Perfect opportunity. And just like Jonah, I ran the other way.
After intense conviction over this lost opportunity, I repented and asked God to give me the opportunity to initiate a conversation with Amy, my coworker. Still fearful, I was determined to obey this time.
Before heading to work this morning, I received a text that the other coworker who is in the office with Amy and me wouldn't be coming in. I then realized that Amy and I would be alone in the office. God brought to mind phrases from Ephesians 6 I had read this morning. "Stand firm...with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace." "Pray that I may declare [the gospel] fearlessly." And to top it all off, a song came on the radio at that moment with the words "Don't forget why you're here."
So at the first opportunity, butterflies and all, I shared with Amy. She was receptive, and although she hasn't made a decision yet, I pray for her, that she will come to know Christ's saving grace.
And as the butterflies started to calm, I was at peace. I obeyed. I did my part. Now it's the Holy Spirit's turn to do his.
That is, until the next opportunity arises.
I just had shared Christ with a coworker.
Don't get me wrong. I have shared my faith plenty of times, but usually it was in the context of one of the following:
- a mission trip
- a church function
- a religious conversation where the topic happened to come up
I had been praying for "Amy" since she started working in the same office as me a few months prior. I talked about church and tried to be the best example I could be, in the hopes a topic about God would come up. I had tried to build a relationship with her, hoping that the better we got to know one another, the better opportunity I would have. Interestingly, the more we worked together, the harder it became.
Yet lately God has been making me really uncomfortable with my laissez-faire attitude about sharing Christ. Jesus didn't wait for opportunities. He initiated conversations. He didn't tell his disciples to be a good witness because they might be the only Bible some might read. He told them to go and tell.
Yet this conviction didn't make all my fear disappear. Recently I had to take my husband in for a surgical procedure. True to my introvert nature, I just wanted to study for my next lesson I would be teaching at church and maybe read a magazine. My plans did not involve being ready to share my faith with the hospital worker who wanted to small-talk. Perfect opportunity. And just like Jonah, I ran the other way.
After intense conviction over this lost opportunity, I repented and asked God to give me the opportunity to initiate a conversation with Amy, my coworker. Still fearful, I was determined to obey this time.
Before heading to work this morning, I received a text that the other coworker who is in the office with Amy and me wouldn't be coming in. I then realized that Amy and I would be alone in the office. God brought to mind phrases from Ephesians 6 I had read this morning. "Stand firm...with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace." "Pray that I may declare [the gospel] fearlessly." And to top it all off, a song came on the radio at that moment with the words "Don't forget why you're here."
So at the first opportunity, butterflies and all, I shared with Amy. She was receptive, and although she hasn't made a decision yet, I pray for her, that she will come to know Christ's saving grace.
And as the butterflies started to calm, I was at peace. I obeyed. I did my part. Now it's the Holy Spirit's turn to do his.
That is, until the next opportunity arises.
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