Divine Romance

Two Talents

2012-01-10T11:49:00.000-06:00

A few weeks ago I was blessed to have a friend over for theday. Her husband and I grew up together, and she I had gotten to know eachother better through doing a book study via Skype. I was looking forward tospending the day with her and her four children. But I was also nervous. I look up to her in many ways; she seems tohave it all together when it comes to managing her home and being the wife andmother God has called her to be. I, onthe other hand, well, have a long way to go.

Comparing ourselves with others isn’t something we intentionallyset out to do. We know that it usuallypromotes either pride or self-deprecation. But still isn’t it human nature to have those thoughts pass through ourminds from time to time?

I find these thoughts making an unwelcome entrancesometimes. In areas where I am strong,they take the form of pride. Forinstance, one of my strengths is being a disciplined person. And when someonementions struggling in this area, it’s easy for me to think, “Well, I’ve gotthat one covered.” (But to be honest, ifI ever got out of the habit in my regular disciplines, I’m sure I’d bestruggling the same way.)

On the opposite end, in areas where I am weak, I find that Iberate myself when I see how someone else is doing it better. I’m particularlyhard on myself when I watch mothers who don’t work outside the home. I start going down the road of how I don’tmeasure up.

I have to think that I’m not the only one who fights thesethoughts (or gives in to them). Perhapsit’s just human nature for us to look at others and compare.

One morning, out of nowhere, a particular Scripture passagecame to mind. It’s the parable of the talents in Matthew 25:14-30. If you’refamiliar with the passage, you may think of it the same way I did: The moral ofthe story is that we are to take what we are given and work to increase it, togive back to God instead of just sitting on it.

But I had never really considered the beginning of thepassage where Jesus describes that each person got different numbers of“talents.” (in other words, a type of currency) One servant got five, one got two, and one got one. I started thinking that possibly anotherpoint of the story is the sheer fact that the talents weren’t distributedevenly. If the only point of the parable was to show how two servants werefaithful and one was not, couldn’t the same point had been made had all threeservants received two talents?

Therefore, perhaps we need to look a little closer at thefact that God gives “talents” in different measure.

Perhaps we should all view ourselves as having twotalents. We can always find someone whohas “less” and we can always find someone who has “more.” What matters is not how much we have butinstead what we are doing with what we are given.

I’m not one for New Year’s Resolutions, but this year I’mgoing to make my focus to be faithful with the “two” talents I’ve been givenand stop giving into my mind’s temptation to look to my right and left andcompare. I am responsible for what I’vebeen given. (Of course, when we’re faithful with what we’ve been given, we willbe given more, with which we are to be faithful.)

And one final thing I noticed. The master had the same response to theservant with five talents as he did the servant with two. “You have beenfaithful with little.” He didn’t say tothe one with two, “You’ve been faithful with a little,” and to the one withfive, “And you’ve been faithful with a little more.” It was ALL little inthe big scheme of things. But despitehow little it was, both servants were commended as “good and faithful.”

May I be faithful with my two talents.

A God Moment

2011-10-14T20:58:00.001-05:00

Sometimes things just happen that you know are "God-moments." You know, the things that you know aren't mere coincidence but were undoubtedly a God-whisper to you. Sometimes it's a reminder of a truth you know. Sometimes it's a confirmation. Sometimes it's an answer.

I've had a few of those experiences recently. The most profound was today on my way home from work. It was 5:15 and I passed a funeral procession. Kind of an odd time, I thought. Still, having lived in a funeral home (the upstairs apartment for those who don't know) about 10 years ago when Matt and I first got married, death was, pardon the pun, simply a way of life. But for some reason this time, I just stared at the hearse as it passed by, and the thought of how fleeting life is crossed my mind. This person, whoever it was, was alive just a few days ago, and now he or she wasn't. Sometimes it takes these things to remind us of our mortality.

The God-moment came when I realized what song just came on the radio as I was stopped for the funeral procession. It was Third Day's "Trust in Jesus." Here is an excerpt of the lyrics:

One of these days we all will stand in judgment for
Every single word that we have spoken
One of these days we all will stand before the Lord....

What are you going to do when your time has come
And your life is done and there's nothing you can stand on
What will you have to say at the judgment throne

I already know the only thing that I can say

I Trust in Jesus

My great Deliverer
My strong Defender
The Son of God
I trust in Jesus
Blessed Redeemer
My Lord forever
The Holy One, the Holy One

There's nothing I can do on my own to find forgiveness
It's by His grace alone I trust in Jesus
Trust in Jesus

All I could think was, wow. And then, Thank you, Jesus. The Creator God-inspired Scripture is crystal clear that we are all destined for an eternity without God (the lake of fire, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth...to name a few descriptions). God cannot bear the presence of sin. However in his great love he sent Jesus to bear our sin for us. To die for our sins. And to conquer death so we can through him be saved from our sins.

Make no mistake about it, every knee will bow, every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord. The question is, do we bow and confess now, or after it's too late?

Unless Jesus comes for his followers first, someday that will be my body in that hearse. And I deserve an eternity separated from God. But I also have full confidence that by Jesus's sacrifice and by God's grace alone, while my body is in that hearse, my soul will be with Jesus. Spared from the torment without him.

I trust in Jesus, my great deliverer.

If you do, too, I hope this blog will spur you to remember how great a gift you have, your salvation. It came at a price. Let's honor the price Jesus paid by being faithful to him and doing what we can to share this priceless gift with those who don't know about it.

If you haven't trusted in Jesus, please know that he is the only way we have peace and can know without a shadow of a doubt that our future is secure. And I'd be glad to answer any questions and point you to the Scriptures that God inspired men to write, that make clear the path of salvation.

Because one of these days we unholy people will ALL stand in judgment before a Holy God.

The Ultimate Comparison

2011-07-27T13:25:00.002-05:00

When I was getting ready for the arrival of my first child, I was fully prepared for life after Baby. His schedule was already set in stone, and I knew what to do and what not to do. How come? Because I had the Baby Bible, known to some as Baby Wise. After all, I had several suggestions that this was THE ultimate baby manual. (Even the clerk at Hastings told me how great it was as I was checking out.) I ignored my mom and mother-in-law’s concerned raised eyebrows at my predetermined set schedule with no regard that Baby might not cooperate. After all, they didn’t have all this great information. The Baby Bible hadn’t been printed when they had their babies. (How in the world did they manage?) A few weeks later, these sweet mothers compassionately withheld their “I told you so” when Baby Drew didn’t exactly eat, sleep, and play on cue despite my “by the book” leadings.

After a few weeks, I realized that Baby Wise was a very useful book, to be considered along with my mother’s instincts. Getting him on a schedule was great. Letting him cry himself to sleep as an infant was not.

Today Drew is almost 5, so my attention is now captured by parenting books. I have read several that were very helpful. Just this morning, I saw a review of a new parenting book that seemed very promising. After reading the review, I was tempted to do the “aha!” thing, thinking maybe this was the parenting book to end all Christian parenting debates. Then I read the comments on the review and saw some who were as intrigued as I was and some who had valid arguments the other way.

So what is one to do? We are in an age where we have all the information we could ever want at our fingertips. If we want to find something new to try with our children, we can find it. If we want to find something to justify our present viewpoint, we can find it. If we want something to prove that someone else is doing it wrong, we can find it. You name it, we can find it.

What we fail to miss, even as Christians, is that “THE” parenting book exists in all of our homes. We probably have several copies, in fact. It’s the Word of God itself. Sure, it doesn’t tell you how to get your infant to sleep through the night in 8 weeks, and it doesn’t tell you how long and when (or if) you should use time outs with your toddler. But still, it is sufficient. The Gospel itself – that we’re all sinners and in need of Christ to save us from our sins – stands alone needing nothing added. (After all, the grace of the Gospel is our child’s greatest need anyway.)

That being said, of course I am going to read parenting books. Of course I’m going to click on parenting articles. Of course I’m going to peruse parenting blogs. But, I’m going to make a point of putting on a little more discernment. I’m going to seek out various points of view before I make an assumption that one is right. I’m going to be open that what is right for your child might not be right for mine. And vice versa. But above all, I’m going to compare what I read with Scripture.

I’m also not going to assume that I know all I need to know about Scripture. Anyone can prooftext their position (i.e. find Scripture that underscores the point being made). When a writer is quoting Scripture, it’s easy to take him or her at his or her word. I’m realizing, however, that my responsibility is to be in the Word daily, and more importantly, read it more than any other book. That way, I can “test everything” I read by what I have been reading in Scripture.

God is funny sometimes. I may not be able to quote the entire Bible, but what I read this morning might just have application in what I read later. (Case in point, a Scripture quoted in an article I read today was the exact Scripture I read this morning.) Nothing can go against the Holy Spirit-inspired Word.

And it’s that Word that we must go to. It’s that word that we must compare all other works of writing. Even this one.

When Trials Come... In the Center of God's Will

2011-07-19T19:07:00.000-05:00

What do we do when we feel we're exactly where we believe God wants us to be, and intense trials come? I don't know about you, but if I'm exactly where I feel God wants me to be – even where God led me – I certainly don't expect the type of trials that might shake my faith. Little trials, yeah. But not ones that threaten to turn my whole belief system upside down.

In my reading in Exodus recently, this came to mind when I came to chapter 17. Moses had just led Israel out of Egypt, the Red Sea parted, the people saw the Egyptians perish, God had gone ahead of them in a cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night, and he miraculously fed them. You'd think witnessing those type of miracles would inoculate anyone from doubting their God.

Not so with the Israelites. And perhaps not so with us either.

If you don't have a Bible handy, I'll summarize the events. In verse 1, it appears that God was leading the people of Israel to each encampment. They settled at this point at Rephidim – where God appears to have led them directly – and they came upon two significant trials: lack of water and enemy attack. For the purposes of this blog, I'm going to focus in on the enemy attack.

I can't imagine the surprise the Israelites experienced when they were attacked. Here they were, exactly where God wanted them to be. Yet they were attacked. It must be noted that Israel had never experienced war in their lifetimes. In fact, the whole reason God didn't immediately take them into the Promised Land after their exodus from Egypt was because God knew they would face war and wouldn't be able to handle it (Exodus 13:17).

So how did Moses their leader respond? He didn't panic. He didn't doubt God. He immediately took action and told Joshua to take an army of men and go fight. He assured Joshua that he would indeed be there with him watching from a hill with the “staff of God” in his hand. This staff was Moses's reminder to Joshua that the Lord would prevail. It was this staff that Moses used when God struck the plagues on the Egyptians. It was this staff that Moses lifted when God parted the Red Sea. It was with this staff that Moses had just struck a rock and provided water for the people at Rephidim. In effect, Moses was reminding Joshua of God's faithful acts so Joshua would continue in that faith during this uncharted territory of war. And Joshua (the leader-of-Israel in training, unbeknownst to himself) obeyed. And through God's power, he and his army were victorious.

So what can we take from this? First, we can be smack-dab in the center of God's will and still experience trials that we never dreamed of, never were prepared for, and never expected. Those trials can overwhelm us to the point that we have temporary spiritual amnesia and forget all that God has done for us. We should never believe our faith is unshakable. We must remain on our guard.

Second, when we come upon those trials, we must remember God's faithfulness. We must remember what God has done for us. When it seems like the hand of God is nowhere in sight, we must go back to those times where God's hand was clearly on our lives. When our emotions are uncontrollably spiraling, our mind has to recollect God's goodness. We must remember that without exception, God is good.

Finally, we must have faith in the master plan. The attack on Israel gave Joshua his first battle experience, experience he would draw upon when the larger battles – the ones he had to lead when Israel fought for their rightful occupation in the Promised land – ensued. This attack also reaffirmed the hand of God on Moses's life in the eyes of the people. Granted, like us, they would continue to struggle in their faith and would continue to doubt Moses, but this experience served to show Israel once again that they were God's people, and Moses was their leader.

Yes, God very well may lead us to a place where trials lie ahead. Even when we doubt whether we were in his will in the first place, even when we're too caught up in our pain to recollect his faithfulness, even when we can't see our next step much less the master plan, God may just have something bigger in mind than we can fathom.

The House Upon the Rock

2011-07-17T06:37:00.000-05:00

The wise man built his house upon the rock, his house upon the rock, his house upon the rock.... The rains came down and the floods came up and the house on the rock stood firm.

Are you singing along? Are you doing the motions?

As I came upon this familiar passage in my reading of Luke, I found myself humming along with this song I learned as a child. But in the midst of my nostalgia, something else in that passage jumped out at me.

“Why do you call me ‘Lord, Lord,’ and not do what I tell you? Everyone who comes to me and hears my words and does them, I will show you what he is like...” Luke 6:46-47 (ESV)

The passage goes on to talk about the man who built his house upon the rock, compared to the one who built his house on the sand.

I don't know about you, but when I was learning about this passage as a child, the focus was on the foundation, the Rock. We are to build our lives on Christ, the Rock, the ultimate firm foundation. And when trials come, we'll stand firm.

In fact, the very first phrase says just that, but all these years, I've missed the next two phrases and thus the whole context. The one whose life withstands trials not only has Christ as his foundation, but he also does what Christ said to do. “Everyone who comes to me and hears my words and does them.” (emphasis mine)

We must come to Christ. Check.
We must hear his words. Check.
We must do them.

Hmm. Okay. So what words is he talking about? In general, he is talking about all of his words, but specifically in this passage, he is talking about his words in this sermon, specifically the Sermon on the Mount.

So here's what I did. I took my handy little blue Bible-friendly highlighting pencil and went through Luke chapter 6 and Matthew chapters 5-7 (where Matthew's account of the sermon on the mount is found), and I highlighted every imperative phrase. For those of us who might need a grammar school recap, an imperative is a “command” statement.

Keep reading.

That's an imperative statement.

In looking at these passages, what is Jesus commanding his disciples to do in order for their figurative houses to stand firm?

Jesus addressed topics, such as anger, reconciliation, lust, divorce, oaths, retaliation, how we treat others, giving, praying, fasting, materialism, anxiety, judging others, prayer needs, how we should handle lawsuits, how we should address others' sin, how we should address our own sin, and more. There's a treasure trove of guidance in these chapters that one can read in one sitting.

These aren't just tips that Jesus gives. This isn't a “motivational sermon” designed for His listeners to pick and choose what applies to them that day.

It kind of reminds me of when I tell Drew to do something that I know is for his own good, but he, in his limited judgment, decides whether or not what I say is a good idea. I am amazed (but I shouldn't be) that he can't see that my perspective is larger than his. I see things he doesn't. I wish he would just TRUST that I have his best interests at heart, and my commands are to protect him and lead him in the right direction.

Similarly, Jesus knows that for our house to stand firm in the midst of trials, not only must it be built on Him, but we also must hear and heed His words.

Facebook and Heaven

2010-08-08T14:14:00.000-05:00

Of all the great benefits of Facebook, I have to believe that one of the best is that it gives us just a tiny glimpse of what Heaven will be like. Just this week - through Facebook - I experienced one of those glimpses.

I'll start at the beginning. I committed my life to Christ when I was in the fifth grade. Although the actual moment of my repentance and salvation I remember vividly, I don't remember many details after that. One experience, however, came to my mind just a couple of years ago when I was doing a Beth Moore study. I was to chart my life and name significant spiritual events that God used to shape my life. As I was doing this and reflecting back on the early years of my faith, God brought to mind one particular Wednesday night. I had brought a friend to church with me, and at some point, she and I were in the sanctuary by ourselves, and I shared Christ with her. I don't remember what motivated me, I don't remember exactly what I said, and I don't remember her response. All I remember is that I shared. A year later, she and her family moved, and I hadn't been in touch with her since.

Fast forward almost twenty years, and I received a Facebook friend request from her. We caught up with a few emails and then, like most facebook friends, we keep up with one another by reading status updates. As time went on, I noticed that many of her status updates were of her faith: Bible verses, testimonies, her experience at her church. Eventually my curiosity got the best of me. I didn't recall her being raised in church, and I wanted to hear her testimony.

And she was glad to give it! Like me, she didn't recall many specifics of our conversation that night, but she shared that at that time she felt herself seeking God more and him seeking her. She started going to church with her landlords while she still lived in our hometown. Then a few years later, after she had moved from our hometown, she got involved in a church, was mentored by her youth pastor, and came to Christ in faith.

A couple of years ago, another significant event occured in her life. One day she was caring for her grandmother in the nursing home, and her grandmother, her grandmother's best friend, and her mom each came to faith in Christ.

Today she and her husband - who also wasn't raised in church - are raising their son in church and are faithful in following God.

How thrilled I was to read her testimony! But it also went beyond that for me. It served as a reminder that our being obedient to Christ in sharing him with others doesn't always produce the fruit that we will see right away. The point is that we are obedient. And the point is, it's not about me or what I do. It's about what God does. It's my job and privilege to obey; it's his job to bring the person to himself.

Which brings me back to Facebook and Heaven. If it hadn't been for Facebook, I probably wouldn't have known about my friend until our reunion in Heaven. I can only hope that throughout our lives we have been and will be obedient to Christ. And someday we'll get to meet again more people like my friend, whose lives God changed, in part because we were obedient. Obedient in sharing the gospel. Obedient to giving to ministries that send others to share the gospel. Obedient to the ultimate calling we have as Christians: to share the message of salvation through Christ Jesus.

Because we never know what seeds we're planting - or watering - and that God is causing to grow.

"I will trust and not be afraid."

2010-05-02T16:44:00.000-05:00

I suppose every child deals with nighttime fears from time to time. My 3 1/2 year old has been relatively fear-free until very recently. One night he asked to go to the bathroom, and as we sat there lit only by a nightlight, he talked to me incessantly about random things. After about 5 minutes of this (and knowing that he had never gone number two at this time of the evening), I realized that there was more to this.

"Drew, do you really have to go to the bathroom, or do you not want to go to bed?" He replied honestly, "I don't want to go to bed. The bugs will come into my room and hurt me." My response was what I believe any mother's natural response would be. "Drew, the bugs won't hurt you. And they can't get into the house." "But the wasps will use their hands and pry the door open." Thus went the see-saw of words between Drew and me. He gave a reason for his fear. I responded with a logical answer.

That wasn't working.

Next I went to the next most natural thing. "Drew, God will protect you. He watches over you." Expecting this to calm him down, we went through a similar see-saw of words, even getting into theological questions an adult has trouble comprehending, much less explaining to a 3-year-old. Clearly, this wasn't working either.

Then I remembered what I did when I was a child of about 10 or 11 when I was scared. I quoted a verse my mom taught me in G.A.'s: "I will trust and not be afraid." (Isaiah 12:2) I'll try this, I thought. It can't hurt.

"Drew, I'm going to teach you a new Bible verse that I said when I was a little girl when I got scared." I had him repeat the phrase after me. After only saying the verse two times, he was calm and quiet. I kissed him goodnight, half expecting him to call for me again a little while later.

I didn't hear from him until the next morning.

Don't get me wrong. I believe in the power of God's word. But this was amazing even to me. The next night, he did the bathroom ritual all over again, this time being scared of the frogs. Having learned my lesson from the previous night - and halfway wanting to test this again to see if it "worked" - I skipped the logic and even skipped talking about God's protection and went straight to the same Scripture.

He was off to sleep in no time, his fears erased.

For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. (Hebrews 4:12)

Obviously this was a life lesson in parenting for me. Scripture is relevant and active in no matter the situation my children find themselves. And it's up to me to teach them Scripture - even at this young age - and how to apply it to their daily lives.

Yet, there is also a lesson for me as an adult. What fears am I facing? Jesus made it clear that we were not to fear but instead to trust in Him. (That doesn't mean our worst earthly fears won't come to pass; even most of Jesus' disciples - to whom he told not to fear - were eventually killed for their faith. Instead, it means that when we have trusted in Jesus for our eternal salvation, we ultimately have nothing to fear.)

But when we do find ourselves faced with fear, what do we do? Do we respond with logic? Do we respond with our own [possibly incorrect] understanding of God? Or do we go straight to Scripture? The latter will be the only infallible response.

Scripture is the inspired Word of God that is active today, even thousands of years after it was first penned. Even though I've seen it at work in my life time after time, it takes on even a new meaning when I see it work in my child's young life as well.

This Sickness Will Not End in Death

2009-11-26T14:52:00.001-06:00

It was a beautiful Friday afternoon in July. I sat in the nursery rocking Drew, 11 months old at the time, to sleep. I had taken the afternoon off when my husband Matt had called me telling me that his dad Mike had been sick, and bloodwork revealed there was illness. With Mike's previous two bouts with cancer two decades prior, we knew it had returned.

As Drew lay peacefully in my lap, I found myself praying through tears, "Father, I know all things are for your glory, but for the life of me I cannot imagine Mike's death being for your glory. Even so, it's in your hands."

Interrupting my prayer came words out of nowhere. This sickness will not end in death. My mind hadn't even gone to any Bible verses, so I knew these words were not of my own thought process. I recognized the phrase coming from the New Testament, but I couldn't even recall which story it was from. I knew from the bottom of my heart, and I had no doubt, that these words were from God.

As tests started to reveal more and more bad news, I started to believe that these words were given to me so that despite the reality, my role would be faith. Faith that this sickness would not end in death, no matter how dire the situation became.

I embraced my new role and kept the faith, praying for healing, knowing it would come in God's time. As those difficult months became years, I found myself still keeping the faith, praying for healing, yet also questioning that perhaps I had misunderstood. After all, those words were from Jesus when Lazarus was sick, and Lazarus died before Jesus raised him from the dead. But throughout it all, I never doubted that the words were from God, even if I didn't understand them completely. I finally accepted what Priscilla Shirer stated in her book Discerning the Voice of God, that you may never know if you truly heard from God until it comes to pass.

Then after two long years, again on a Friday afternoon, I found myself watching Mike taking his last breaths. As he did, I oddly did not feel the presence of God. I didn't know why.

Two days later on Sunday morning, Drew, now 3, woke me up at 4 a.m. I couldn't go back to sleep, so as the sun rose, I found myself alone and reading my Bible. I decided to go back to John chapter 11, where those words that I thought I had heard were located. As I intently read every word of that chapter, little nuggets of truth popped out at me, but when I read two verses, I found myself sobbing.

"Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?'" (John 11:25-26, emphasis mine).

"Never die!" "Never die!" Those words were so loud in my heart that I could feel them with every fiber of my being. The Mike I knew never died!

Through my tears it all became plain to me. The reason I felt so odd in the hospital as Mike drew his last breath is because death isn't natural. It's not the way God intended. Only after sin entered the world did death follow. The wages of sin is death... the words of the verse I had memorized as a child held new meaning now. Though the wages of sin is also spiritual death, I saw firsthand the wages of sin in the carnal sense. ...but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. Mike's soul never died because he accepted Jesus's gift of salvation. I found myself having my own little worship service, praising God, thanking him for salvation. At this moment, it took on a whole new dimension in my life.

Then my heart reflected to those words I thought I had heard two years ago. This sickness will not end in death. They were, in fact, the words of God, straight to my heart. Two years ago, God had this very moment in mind for me, that I may see the big picture in a new way. That I may look upon my own salvation with a new thankfulness, and that I may find peace that though Mike's body isn't here, his soul never died. And it's only because of Jesus' gift that any of us who accepts it has assurance that we will never die.

What about the "why" question that seems to rear its ugly head? I won't know all the answers until I meet Jesus, but I go back to that verse in John: "Jesus said, 'This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it.'" (John 11:4)

One thing is for sure. God has been and will continue to be glorified through Mike's illness and his physical death. And now Mike knows all the answers to the whys and is glorifying God that his sickness did not end in death.

Cherishing the Good News

2009-10-28T20:28:00.000-05:00

I found myself pulling up my mother-in-law's blog again. I don't know why I was checking it because I knew what would be on there.

I guess I just wanted to hear the good news again.

My father-in-law has been fighting cancer for over two years, a cancer that should have overtaken him long ago. After setback upon setback this year, we received good news for a change. The tumor hadn't grown at all in the six months since his last scan, and most of that time he had no treatment.

First my husband called me, and then my father-in-law called me. Later I found myself wanting to hear the good news from my mother-in-law on her blog. I simply wanted to hear the good news over and over again.

That made me start to think abou the "ultimate" good news of the gospel of Jesus Christ. How often do I yearn to hear that good news over and over? I have to admit sometimes it's easy to mentally "check out" when I hear teaching or preaching about salvation. Tell me something I can use today.

Oh, how that must sadden Jesus who gave it all for me. May I never "get over" this priceless gift. May I be grateful every day that through his sacrifice I have hope in eternal salvation. May I never lose sight that I am saved from the punishment my sins deserve.

May I never tire of hearing the good news. May I want to hear it over and over.

Melancholy Diaries: True Contentment

2009-10-19T21:50:00.000-05:00

When he said, "Just relax," I wanted to clock him. You'd think after 8 years of marriage my husband would know that "Just Relax" is the last thing I want to hear when anxiety overwhelms me.

It was not an uncommon Sunday night, when I tend to struggle more than any other time. This particular night seemed worse than other ones, though. My temper was flaring and my will was losing the battle against this depression threatening to overtake me.

The next morning, true to my routine, I fought my "Monday morning blues" and got my coffee at 5:30 and opened the Bible. For some reason, I felt steered toward a familiar passage in Philippians that always intrigued me. It talks about how Paul had learned the "secret" of being content no matter the circumstances. In the past I could never really wrap my mind around the kind of contentment that Paul talked about. But this morning was different.

As I read over this passage, I began to consider the source of my discontent. It was in a particular area of my life that I wanted to be changed. It would be a change that would glorify God; I was simply waiting for his timing. Surely, I thought, once God brings about this change, I will be content. I will have peace and joy.

That's when it hit me. The source of my contentment can't lie in my circumstances, even if my ideal circumstances involve something that would be glorifying to God. The source of my contentment must lie in God and God alone.

My "ideal" circumstance still doesn't promise contentment. Likely, I would struggle with some of the same things I struggle with now. That's why I realized the true state of my heart must be content in God alone. In Jesus' sacrifice that paid my debt. In his overwhelming love for me. In his forgiveness. In the fact that he does have a plan for my life.

But even that perfect plan doesn't promise the peace and joy I long for.

Only God and my heart fully committed to resting in him will bring true joy and peace.

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want" (Philippians 4:12).

(Melancholy Diaries is a section I will be writing on from time to time about my struggle with a form of depression and discontent, and how God is healing this part of my life. Hopefully through my own struggle, those with similar struggles will be able to identify and find hope.)

Sharing in Spite of Fear

2009-10-05T19:35:00.002-05:00

Although my hands weren't shaking, they might as well have been. The butterflies in my stomach slowly started to calm. I am embarrassed to even admit the reason for my nervousness.

I just had shared Christ with a coworker.

Don't get me wrong. I have shared my faith plenty of times, but usually it was in the context of one of the following:

a mission trip
a church function
a religious conversation where the topic happened to come up

And although sharing our faith can involve overcoming some serious fear no matter what the context, this situation had my knees shaking.

I had been praying for "Amy" since she started working in the same office as me a few months prior. I talked about church and tried to be the best example I could be, in the hopes a topic about God would come up. I had tried to build a relationship with her, hoping that the better we got to know one another, the better opportunity I would have. Interestingly, the more we worked together, the harder it became.

Yet lately God has been making me really uncomfortable with my laissez-faire attitude about sharing Christ. Jesus didn't wait for opportunities. He initiated conversations. He didn't tell his disciples to be a good witness because they might be the only Bible some might read. He told them to go and tell.

Yet this conviction didn't make all my fear disappear. Recently I had to take my husband in for a surgical procedure. True to my introvert nature, I just wanted to study for my next lesson I would be teaching at church and maybe read a magazine. My plans did not involve being ready to share my faith with the hospital worker who wanted to small-talk. Perfect opportunity. And just like Jonah, I ran the other way.

After intense conviction over this lost opportunity, I repented and asked God to give me the opportunity to initiate a conversation with Amy, my coworker. Still fearful, I was determined to obey this time.

Before heading to work this morning, I received a text that the other coworker who is in the office with Amy and me wouldn't be coming in. I then realized that Amy and I would be alone in the office. God brought to mind phrases from Ephesians 6 I had read this morning. "Stand firm...with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace." "Pray that I may declare [the gospel] fearlessly." And to top it all off, a song came on the radio at that moment with the words "Don't forget why you're here."

So at the first opportunity, butterflies and all, I shared with Amy. She was receptive, and although she hasn't made a decision yet, I pray for her, that she will come to know Christ's saving grace.

And as the butterflies started to calm, I was at peace. I obeyed. I did my part. Now it's the Holy Spirit's turn to do his.

That is, until the next opportunity arises.

Miracles

2009-09-30T21:49:00.002-05:00

Do you ever read about the life of Jesus and wonder why we don't see miracles like that today? Everywhere Jesus went, he preached and healed. And healed. And healed. I'm sure there are many reasons why a big portion of Jesus' mission was healing, but today I am struck with one.

Mark 6:5-6 says, "He could not do any miracles there, except lay his hands on a few sick people and heal them. And he was amazed at their lack of faith."

Out of all the places Jesus preached and healed, the one place in which he didn't heal many people was his hometown. These people simply couldn't believe in him. They had seen him grow up. They knew his mother. They knew his brothers and sisters. They couldn't get past the facts to see the clear miracles this man was doing.

Because of their lack of faith, they didn't see miracles.

Sometimes we also can't get past the obvious facts to be able to see the miracles performed in our midst.

In the case of my father-in-law, we have a hard time seeing past the facts. The tumor is inoperable. The chemotherapy nor radiation has eliminated the tumor. His body is taking an incredible toll from this over 2 year fight.

Yet the miracles are there. My mother-in-law could list many more but here are the ones I have witnessed. Last fall, I had to see a specialist, the same one who initially diagnosed Mike's liver tumor. His nurse remembered Mike, even over a year later, and asked how my husband was doing. I quickly corrected her, saying, "No, my father-in-law." After talking with her, I realized she hadn't made a mistake. She was asking how my husband was coping. When I told her my father-in-law was still in the fight, I'll never forget the joyous shock on her face.

Then this June I was in the emergency room with the family when Mike was taken in with some very frightening symptoms. I saw the faces of the ER doctors that my mother-in-law had been describing for the past two years. No one expected him to make it out of that hospital. The look in their eyes told it all.

Yes, God is performing miracles. Even miracles of healing. Perhaps not the healing where he is cancer free, but healing nonetheless. And God is gaining the glory in countless ways. He is gaining glory through my mother-in-law's blog as she shares their fight, their struggle, and every prayer need that's met. He is gaining glory through the love shown by the church, their local one and the body of believers around the country.

And really, isn't that what miracles are always all about anyway? Giving glory to God? Whether it be in my family's fight or in Jesus's earthly ministry, the whole purpose is to point to God, the one who loves us all and gave his only Son Jesus to save us from our sins that destine us to eternal hell.

The one who has so much love that He will allow his precious children to suffer like this in order to bring others to His saving grace. I'll tell you, I'd have an awful hard time allowing my child to suffer for someone else's benefit, but that's exactly what God is doing.

I'm convinced as long as God keeps granting miracles in Mike's life, there is at least one more person God is pursuing. Maybe it's you?

And you betcha, I'm praying for the ultimate miracle in Mike's earthly life.

Aunt Lenora

2009-09-21T21:36:00.000-05:00

While getting dressed this Monday morning, I couldn't help but feel a little excited about today. I was going to a funeral. Yes, I know what you're thinking, but this was going to be no ordinary memorial service for me. My dad's aunt, Lenora Gray, went to be with her Savior, and we were going to be celebrating her past life on earth and her present life in heaven. I only had the pleasure of visiting with this godly woman a few times growing up, but she always impressed me as a gracious, God-fearing lady.

As I anticipated the service, the memory of her husband's funeral 13 years ago was still fresh in my mind. Uncle Herman's service was one of the most meaningful funerals I had ever attended. It was a celebration. After a fight with cancer, my godly uncle received the ultimate healing, and to a bystander his service would have appeared more like a worship service than a memorial. At 16 years of age, it impacted me.

And today, I was sure I would experience another celebration, of a Christ-follower passing from this life to the life Christ bought for her and for us all.

In the busyness of life, we need to be reminded that this life will end. We need to be challenged to tarry on for works that will endure for eternity. We need to be prodded to think about what legacy we will leave. Perhaps we should even reflect on what we anticipate our own funeral being like.

I, for one, want my funeral to be like Uncle Herman's and Aunt Lenora's. Where you can't tell the difference between it and a worship service. Where the saving Gospel of Jesus Christ is preached. Where God is glorified. Where my family, though they will miss me, will praise Jesus that we have hope of spending eternity together in the presence of the One who created us all.

"Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his saints" (Psalm 116:15)

God Alone

2009-09-02T22:19:00.001-05:00

Focal Verse: "I am the LORD; that is my name! I will not give my glory to another" (Isaiah 42:8).

I wonder sometimes if we don't see present-day miracles, because we don't have the faith to ask God for the otherwise impossible?

I started pondering this as I was working through my anger at God when a surgery to remove my father-in-law's tumor was unsuccessful last fall. We all thought this was the answer. I for one was sure that God was going to use this surgery to heal him. When that didn't happen, I was shocked. Confused. Angry. Then as I was working through my emotions, the verse in Isaiah crossed my mind: "I will not give my glory to another." I thought maybe, just maybe, God was waiting until every medical method had been exhausted, so that when Mike is healed, there would be no mistaking that God was the healer.

While I obviously can't predict the future, nor conclude that this will be the case in my father-in-law's situation, I started pondering the words of this verse in light of many other situations in life, and I started to see a central truth.

Perhaps we don't see - or even ask for - God's miracles, because we expect God to work alongside an earthly solution.

Instead of praying that God will heal a dead marriage, we buy self-help books, even Christian ones. But when the other partner doesn't want any part of the new book we found, we give up. We assume God just isn't going to intervene on this one.

Instead of praying that God will revive our church, we come up with new programs that we know will grow our numbers. But when these programs didn't yield the results, we assume we picked the wrong programs, or that someone didn't do his job.

Instead of praying that God will heal a relationship, we go to other friends to get their opinions on what we should do. But when all that does is give us another shoulder to cry on but no real results, we give up on the relationship and hold on to our bitterness.

You see, I'm convinced that we pray about lots of things, but how many times do we expect that God alone will answer. Not God along with our new book. Not God along with our new programs. Not God along with our friends. Now, I'm not saying that God can't use these things. Certainly he can and does. I'm simply wanting to point out what I have found to be true in my own wavering faith. When I pray, I am looking for the answer in other things, and either God will enable those to work, or God is my back-up plan. God is rarely THE solution I expect.

I am reminded of the story with the great prophet Elijah in 1 Kings 18. Elijah had a contest with the prophets of Baal to see which god would burn up their sacrifice with fire. After the prophets of Baal saw no results from their god, it was Elijah's turn. What is remarkable about this story is that Elijah had 4 jars full of water poured on the sacrifice, so that when God consumed the offering with fire, there was no doubt that it was God alone who performed this miracle.

Look at the prayer Elijah prays after the offering is drenched with water: "Answer me, O LORD, answer me, so these people will know that you, O LORD, are God, and that you are turning their hearts back again" (verse 37). Elijah knew that there was a higher purpose to this miracle. Not only would the people see the glory of God, but they would also know that this God wanted a relationship with his people again.

After the fire not only consumed the offering but also all the water, soil, and stones around it, the people believed: "When all the people saw this, they fell prostrate and cried, 'The LORD -he is God! The LORD -he is God!' (verse 39)"

There was no doubt that God was the author of this miracle, and God used this miracle to turn his people back to him.

Oh, that I could have the faith of Elijah. That I would boldly pray for a miracle that would bring glory to God and people to faith in him. That I would expect God to answer in a miraculous way. And that if, even if I step out in bold faith, God chooses to say "no" or "not now" to my request, that I would simply trust in him and not get discouraged. That I would continue approaching his throne of grace, and that I would be sensitive to when he prompts me to pray for a miracle that would reveal his glory.

That I would have faith in God alone.

A Different Perspective on Repentance

2009-07-09T16:53:00.004-05:00

I have to be honest. This is not one of those blog posts where you read the first few lines and then your curiosity is heightened to where you just have to read more. This is instead a blog post of a subject that has been steadily on my heart for the past few weeks, and I feel I must share. If it makes a difference to just one person, it's worth it.

If a survey were conducted in Christian circles as to what comes to mind when the word "repentance" is mentioned, what do you think would be the most common answer? I feel we tend to think of the unsaved accepting the saving grace of Jesus Christ by repenting of their sins. We might also think that it's a process that Christians who have "backslidden" come to when they rededicate their lives.

While those are certainly true, I think we miss so much by limiting repentance in that way. A lifestyle of repentance should be an active part of every Christian's daily life.

Let me explain.

I'm a perfectionist when it comes to some things, especially my Christian walk. I want to do everything right and leave no room for error. I recently realized that this attitude was a hindrance to my walk.

You see, in the past, whenever I realized I had sinned, my unconscious thought process went something like this, "That was wrong, I need to do better next time." Rarely did I find myself going to God and confessing, let alone repenting. Looking back on that, I was no better than a Pharisee, trying to earn the jewels on my crown by works. I kept washing the outside clean, but my inside wasn't cleansed.

Second Corinthians 7:9 says it perfectly: "Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death."

So how do we live a life of repentance? Although I'm still learning this myself, I start with coming to God with the specific sin of which he has convicted me. I confess that this sin (an ungodly thought, a word, an action, a mindset) is a sin against God. Then I ask him to cleanse me of this sin and show me what the godly thought, word, action, or mindset should have been.

The amazing thing about repentance is that through it, God changes me. I'm no longer trying to live in my own strength but instead by the Spirit living in me.

Another benefit of a lifestyle of repentance is godly humility. If I am coming to God on a regular basis with how I have sinned against him, my mindset toward others changes. I don't pass judgement on them. Instead I see both of us as sinners in need of repentance. If I feel led to confront a brother or sister in Christ like Matthew 18 says ("If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over."), I can do it in love and grace.

Repentance. I believe it truly is the beginning of a Christian's life being transformed on a daily basis. And it yields eternal fruit, not only in our lives, but also in the lives of those around us.

Gifts

2009-07-06T20:54:00.002-05:00

I am a huge fan of gift registries. Every time I hear of a wedding or a baby shower, I immediately ask, "Where are they registered?" If someone dares not register for their big event, I'm lost.

Along the same line, when I finally got that diamond on my left hand and that stick turned pink, I counted the days til I could register for my big event. Especially as a young bride, I couldn't wait to see who got what off my registry.

It was beyond my imagination that someone would choose not to buy off a registry. So for a wedding gift, when I received this 2-quart round casserole dish with a plastic cover, my first [incredibly spoiled brat selfish] thought was, "but didn't you see that I registered for a different casserole dish?"

The same thing happened 5 years later when I was expecting Drew. Though a little more mature and appreciative of each gift chosen for me, I was simply perplexed when I opened the gift and discovered UNSCENTED Huggies baby wash and lotion. Are you kidding? I wanted my baby smelling so good that people would want to hold him just to smell him. What in the world was I going to do with UNSCENTED baby wash and lotion? (Eventually, having never opened neither, I ended up giving the baby wash to Matt when he ran out of shampoo for the dogs.)

The lotion was a different story, much like the casserole dish. The casserole dish ended up being an item I have used consistently for 8 years. Long after the glasses on my registry had broken, the color schemes in my bathrooms have changed, and the theme in my kitchen had switched, my trusty casserole dish has been true to me the whole time.

And the lotion turned out to be a life-saver. When Drew was a young toddler, he started itching from eczema, especially at night. I tried the lotions Drew's pediatrician recommended, but they didn't take care of the problem. Oatmeal baths seemed to help a little but still didn't get him through the night. Finally, in my desperation, I turned to the UNSCENTED Huggies lotion, and voila, Drew could sleep the entire night without itching. All thanks to someone who chose not to check my registry.

Aren't we like that with God sometimes? We think we know exactly what we need, so we give him our requests. Then we're disappointed, and sometimes angry, when he doesn't go right by our list.

What we don't realize, sometimes til much later and maybe sometimes never, is that God always has a reason for everything he does...or chooses not to do.

In June 2005 I asked God to allow me to conceive a child. He didn't answer my prayer until December of that year because he used that time to show me how to pray for my Drew, even before he was conceived.

I asked God to grant my dreams of a powerful women's ministry, but instead he gave me a small mom's group in my church, because he knew I would implode under the pressure of a large ministry, and I had - and still have - a lot of maturing to do.

I asked God to give me the friendship I wanted with someone, but instead he chose to point out several flaws in myself that wouldn't have been revealed in one of my friendships that just "clicked." He taught me that if I work hard at relationships that aren't so "easy," he can create a love that I could have never imagined and that above all, glorifies him.

"Every good and perfect gift comes from above" (James 1:17). God will not deny us our requests unless there is a greater purpose - a purpose to glorify him and a purpose that is better for us. And truly, those two purposes are one in the same for a child of God.

So, every time I use my casserole dish or smooth the unscented lotion on Drew's skin, I am reminded that God doesn't always give me everything that I ask. Like any good Father, he wants us to come to him with our requests, but we must trust that if he is silent on a request, he has a greater plan.

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen" (Ephesians 3:20-21).

Walking on Water, Part 2

2009-05-20T21:30:00.004-05:00

When the phone rang, I was filled with nervous anticipation. My husband was searching for a job after his second layoff, and he had just taken a test for the one company that could keep us in Russellville with all of our family. I was so hopeful for good news.

After all, at the moment, pain was all around me. I was in a Florida hotel room accompanying my mother-in-law to her step-father's funeral. This sudden death added to the pain our family was experiencing with my father-in-law's fight with cancer. I was so hopeful that this phone call would bring a light to our darkness.

But my hopes were shattered as soon as I heard Matt's voice. He didn't know the results, but he was sure he didn't pass. In that phone call, our hopes for staying in our hometown, being near our family, and building our home, were slipping away.

I went to take a shower before the visitation, and I couldn't help but sob and sob. I didn't understand. Why were all these things happening at once? Why couldn't we have gotten some good news? Had God forgotten about us? Did he still have a plan? Why did he seem so silent? At that moment, the faith I had worked so hard to maintain over the months was crumbling.

And there I was. With nothing else left to cling to. Except the one thing I couldn't let go of.

Thankfully, in the midst of it all, I couldn't forget Who my God is. I couldn't forget his promises. His character. His love. His provision. I learned that when I fixed my eyes on him, and him alone, the circumstances around me seemed to get dimmer in the shadow of his light.

What I experienced in my heart that day is what I think Peter experienced when he walked on the water with Jesus.

"'Come,' [Jesus] said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, 'Lord, save me!'" (Matthew 14:29-30)

According to the first part of this verse, Peter walked on the water with no problem. He had his eyes on Jesus. The reality of his circumstances - the fierce wind and waves - were not a question in his mind at that point. All that mattered was that he saw Jesus, he was walking to Jesus, and he trusted Jesus.

But then things changed. Peter became aware of his reality. Most translations of this verse I read say that Peter "saw" the wind. If Peter saw the wind, then his eyes weren't fixed on Jesus. They were fixed on his circumstances, and he panicked. He found himself sinking.

One interesting thing to note is that the wind didn't stop when Peter was walking on water. The difference in his condition was where his eyes were fixed. When they were fixed on Jesus, his circumstances didn't change. The wind was howling and the waves were threatening. But because his eyes were on Jesus, he didn't sink.

Similarly, when we fix our eyes on Jesus, our circumstances don't automatically improve. Jesus doesn't always calm the storm immediately. But when our focus is on him, our perspective changes. He gives us the strength to overcome, and he walks us through it. Then, in his time, and whether it be in this life or in Heaven, Jesus will take us in the boat and the wind will stop.

A few weeks after Matt took his test, he got a letter that he - miraculously - passsed his test and eventually got the job. Jesus had taken us into the boat and this storm had calmed.

But I will never forget that day when the wind and waves were so fierce that all I could do to keep from sinking was look to my Jesus.

Walking on Water, Part 1

2009-05-17T14:13:00.004-05:00

I remember the night vividly. It was spring of last year, and I was sitting in the chair beside Drew's crib, waiting for him to fall asleep. The praise songs that calmed Drew for sleep were echoing in the room, almost mocking how I was feeling at the moment.

My husband had been laid off for the second time in four months, and we were clueless about what God wanted for us. The faith that had seen me through the first layoff was faltering. I couldn't see which way to go, and I definitely couldn't see God anywhere in sight. It felt as if he had just left us there in our situation, all alone.

This must have been what the disciples had felt after Jesus had fed the five thousand and then sent the them across the sea on a boat. When Jesus still hadn't joined them between 3 a.m. and 6 a.m., the disciples were afraid and worried. Not only was it the wee hours of the morning, but the wind was also causing the boat to rock and sway. They were fearful and probably confused. After all, they were on the water because this was what Jesus had told them to do, and they had followed his instructions.

Little did they know that Jesus was going to come through for them and perform a miracle right before their frightened eyes.

If Jesus had walked on water during the daytime and in calm seas, would the disciples have experienced the full effect and power of this miracle?

Sometimes we can do exactly what Jesus tells us to do, and stil we find ourselves in the dark, tossed by the wind and waves, with no hint of Jesus in sight. But it's just in this lowest moment where he wants to do a miracle and reveal his full power and presence to us.

Three months after my husband's second layoff, he was blessed with a job better than the previous two. Even though at times we couldn't see God's plan, looking back, his hand never left us. Our faith grew in a way that would have never been possible, had we not been in the storm in the first place.

"But he said to them, 'It is I; don't be afraid.' Then they were willing to take him into the boat, and immediately the boat reached the shore where they were heading" (John 6:20-21).

The Old Box

2009-05-16T14:10:00.005-05:00

After three months of living in our new home, I am still unpacking boxes. Yesterday, while cleaning out yet another, I came across a beautiful gold and purple box. Not remembering what was inside, I opened the box, remembering why I never threw it out.

Inside the 8" square box was a hand-written note that said, "Jill, I wanted to get you a little gift for Valentine but did not have a chance to shop. Thanks for your encouraging letters. [Your family is] special. Love you, Pauline S." Beneath the note was an old multi-colored scarf in perfect condition, a maroon and gold beaded necklace, and a box of heart-shaped soaps that must have been older than me.

Miss Pauline was a homebound elderly lady whom I "adopted" as a teenager through "Adopt a Grandparent" at our church. It turns out this never-married lady ended up "adopting" me.

Though we lived just a few miles apart, Miss Pauline and I exchanged letters regularly, and my mom would take me to visit her from time to time. I don't recall what we ever talked about but I do remember how much time and love she invested in me.

I probably didn't really appreciate the gift she gave me that Valentine's Day. But looking back, it was a gift from her heart. In her Christ-like agape love for me, she took from her own belongings to give me this gift. Looking back, this gift was just one example of how she did her best to pour her life into mine.

Though the scarf, necklace, and even the soaps are probably considered antiques by now, Pauline's gift is a tangible reminder for me of how the God wants me to pour my life into others so they will know how great His love truly is.

May I always be reminded of this when I see this old box.

"By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another" (John 13:35).

Roles in Check

2009-05-09T21:06:00.002-05:00

"Father, father! Guess what just happened!" I could barely contain my excitement as I breathed the prayer. I had just had an opportunity to talk to a coworker about Christ. Although it didn't go as far as I'd like, I felt I was still able to make in-roads with this man who was trying to do everything he could to politely refute my beliefs.

I was as giddy as a schoolgirl, telling God about my whole conversation, just like I would tell a friend about an exciting event. Then as I calmed a notch, I'm pretty sure God was chuckling at me. The obvious rushed over me, and if God were sitting beside me in human form, I'm sure he would have said, "Yeah, Jill, I know. I am the one who started that conversation, remember?"

A few months ago, as I was reading in the book of John, I saw another perspective of a familiar story. Jesus' encounter with the woman at the well (John 4) is one we can probably summarize by heart. But when I read this again, I saw something I hadn't seen before. After Jesus told the woman that he was the Christ, she went and told the people of her town about Jesus. Some became believers in him right then. And some went to see him themselves:

"They said to the woman, 'We no longer believe just because of what you said; now we have heard for ourselves, and we know that this man really is the Savior of the world'" (John 4:42).

What was the responsibility of this woman? It was to tell people who Jesus was, period. Her responsibility wasn't to make them believe. Only after personally meeting and hearing Jesus did the people believe in him.

Sometimes it's easy to view our responsibility in evangelism like the President sending troops into battle. It's our job and we are to do it, and we report back our progress. But we don't serve a God who sends us into battle. He goes with us. He empowers us. He gives us the words to say. And HE wins the battle when he convicts hearts and draws people to him. Our job is only to be the vessel, being obedient to the call.

After my conversation with my coworker, I found myself pleading with God, "Father, work in his heart." And I'm sure God was thinking with a smile, "My child, I already have been."

"No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him, and I will raise him up at the last day" (John 6:44).

A Personal Encounter

2009-05-04T12:27:00.005-05:00

A couple of months ago, I got an email from my friend Tiffany's husband Chris. He asked me to clear my calendar so I could go with Tiffany to a Third Day concert as a surprise for her. (As you can imagine, my calendar was cleared in about 5 minutes!)

I knew of Third Day. Their most recent song "Revelation" is played on the radio all the time and has been a real encouragement to me. Third Day also had many other songs that I had heard throughout the years. But the problem was, I honestly couldn't name one of those songs as I was anticipating that concert.

But then at the concert, I realized the most interesting thing. Almost every song they played I could sing along with. I knew the lyrics by heart. I just never knew the band until I had seen them in person.

After the concert, I noticed on the radio how many Third Day songs were played on a daily basis. A lot of them! But this time each time I listened to one, it was different. I knew the band. I had seen them in person. I couldn't mistake one of their songs for another again.

Isn't that the way some of us are with God? As we live our life, God is speaking all around us, but until we have a personal encounter with him, we won't recognize his voice.

We could be able to quote Bible verses and Bible stories, but until we know the author, it's just like any other historical document.

You see, after I saw Third Day in person, their music came alive. I began to see trends in their music and in their lyrics. I gleaned their central message. I saw their passion.

Similarly, after I had a personal experience with Christ, his "lyrics" came alive. His living Word speaks directly to my heart. All because I have had a personal encounter.

(My prayer is that anyone reading this blog has had a personal encounter with Jesus Christ. It is absolutely life-changing, both here and eternally. We were born sinful and in desperate need for a Savior. God became flesh through Jesus Christ, and he became the sacrifice necessary for our sins. Because of this sacrifice, we can inherit eternal life. Our responsibility is to believe on Jesus Christ as our Savior and make him Lord of our lives. If you haven't done this, I would love to speak to you more about it!)

"For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God." 1 Corinthians 1:18

Wait for the Lord

2009-05-03T16:06:00.002-05:00

Wait for the Lord. Many verses in the Bible give us this encouragement. Yet when times come where “waiting for the Lord” seems to be the only option left, we might be left to wonder what this exactly means.

Through recent circumstances, I felt God nudging me study the verses commanding us to wait for him. I desired to gain a clearer understanding of what exactly was meant by these verses. My initial findings confused me more. Different Bible versions translate this word “hope” instead of wait. So what is that supposed to mean? Are we supposed to wait or hope?

Through deeper study I saw that the neither “wait” nor “hope” were adequate terms to describe this context. The Amplified Bible gives some examples of what this word actually means: wait and hope for and expect, wait earnestly, wait for and expect, hope and wait eagerly, expectantly wait.

We tend to think of waiting as sitting still. It implies no action. We sit on our hands expecting something to happen. Many times we’re anxious or irritated at the thought of waiting. Sometimes we’re patient. Sometimes we’re not.

But if we’re waiting for the Lord, inactivity is the last thing on His mind. He wants us to be waiting expectantly and earnestly. He wants our focus to be on seeking Him and looking to His Word. Consider Psalm 119:166-169: “I wait for your salvation, O LORD, and I follow your commands. I obey your statutes, for I love them greatly. I obey your precepts and your statutes, for all my ways are known to you. May my cry come before you, O LORD; give me understanding according to your word.” (NIV)

What should our purpose be while we’re waiting expectantly and earnestly for the Lord? Isaiah 26:8 says, “Yes, LORD, walking in the ways of your laws, we wait for you; your name and renown are the desire of our hearts.”

Many of us are presently waiting for God in different areas of our lives, and we can take to heart that God doesn’t want us idly waiting for Him. He wants us to wait expectantly and earnestly, with hope in the amazing things he has planned.

Not in My Own Strength

2008-10-12T21:47:00.002-05:00

Focal Verse: "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me" (2 Corinthians 12:9).

After a busy weekend with working, church activities, and other responsibilities, I looked forward to this afternoon when I got home from church. It was my first chance all weekend to take a breath. Drew would take his usual 2-hour nap, and I could study for my Wednesday night Mom's class and relax.

Except it didn't turn out that way. Drew refused to take a nap, and in the middle of the day I had an allergy attack. Since my husband is working nights and was asleep in our house, I couldn't get any relief from my sneezing, stuffiness, and itchy eyes. I was simply exhausted and was becoming very irritable.

When Matt finally woke up, I vented to him about how exhausted I was. Looking back, he was very gracious considering he has been the one working the 12-hour night shift. He shared with me - in the most loving way - that he thought I had overcommitted myself, namely at church. And because I was so overwhelmed, I was snappy at my son and irritable altogether. I could see where he was coming from, but I told him that I felt that God had led me to minister through each activity I was a part of.

As I was thinking about how nice it would be to leave church after I finished the class I was teaching -- just so I could get a break before I begin my workweek tomorrow -- God whispered, "Jill, I didn't ask you to do all this in your own strength. I am the strength you need."

Encouraged, I headed to church. My spirit was strengthened by the message and I went home with an energy I haven't felt all weekend.

I was amazed at how easy it was to default to doing everything in my own strength, without realizing that it's just not possible. I've always heard it said, "When God calls, he always equips." Tonight I learned a new dimension of God's call: When God calls, he calls us to that which is impossible to do in our own strength, so we'll never forget that we must depend on him.

You see, it's not about what I can do for God. It's about what he - and only he - can do through me.

Silence

2008-10-09T21:27:00.002-05:00

Focal Verse: "After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. (1 Kings 19:12)"

My husband Matt was working the night shift, and I had just put Drew to bed. I started washing some leftover dishes when it started to drive me crazy.

Silence.

I wanted to turn the TV on simply for some noise, but I had decided that this night the TV was staying off. Then I was about to turn on some new [Christian] songs I downloaded on itunes, but that may have woken Drew up. And of course, my ipod and headphones were in the car. So there I was left with what was driving me crazy. Silence.

At our Mom to Mom class last night, one of the moms mentioned how every time her family is home the TV comes on, sometimes just for noise. I could definitely relate because our house is the same way. I've become so accustomed to the TV lulling in the background that when it's not on, it feels like something is missing. I'm the same way in the car. I've always got to have music on. It just doesn't feel right to have the audio system in the "off" mode.

So tonight when I was washing dishes, I decided I would make the best of the silence that was driving me crazy. I started praying for someone who had been on my heart all day. God started impressing on my heart how I should start handling some things a little better. I started praying for every person God put on my heart. I started giving my worries to God and praying about them.

What had been a miserable silence turned into a heart dialogue with God. Just in a matter of minutes, I had new perspectives on many of my worries, and God gave me a peace about things I had been burdened about all day. I was able to lift up prayer requests from last night's Mom to Mom group that I may not have remembered otherwise. All in just a matter of minutes while washing dishes.

I wonder how many of those moments do I miss because I just can't stand silence. How many times would God love to talk to me, but he can't get through?

Of course I'm not going to go chunk my TV in the garbage, but I am going to rethink when I push the "on" button. If I can start weaning myself off of the need for noise, I might just hear more of God's voice through the silence.

Dedaddy

2008-10-02T19:43:00.006-05:00

Focal Verse: "So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal" (2 Corinithians 4:18)

On Tuesday I lost my Dedaddy. I'm not sure how I started calling him that as a little girl, but I did. And because I was one of the oldest grandchildren, all of the other grandchildren called him Dedaddy, too.

He was one of the most loving, giving men I've ever met. He worked hard his whole life to provide for his family. He fell in love with my grandmother, 14 years his junior, and treated her three sons as his own. But he also wanted his own child, so he and Mema had my dad's baby brother.

My memories of Dedaddy and Mema are as heart-warming as most children's memories would be of grandparents. I always looked forward to visiting them. Though they lived a modest life, their home was full of love.

But five years ago, my Mema passed away during a risky but necessary surgery. I'll never forget his grief when the surgeon told us. His heart was broken, and he was never the same. These past five years were miserable for him, and sadly, he succumbed to deep depression. Most recently, he realized that his cancer had likely returned, and he had had enough. On Tuesday he took his own life.

It has been difficult to accept. Last night as I lay in bed, my mind started flashing to memories of Dedaddy and Mema like scenes of a movie. Scene 1: Mema picking peas from her garden and showing me, just a little girl, how to shell them. Scene 2: Dedaddy grilling fish and hush puppies in the back yard on a summer evening. Scene 3: All the grandchildren playing with our Christmas presents in the back yard. Scene 4: Dedaddy giving me a kiss as I arrive at their house and saying, "Hi, Sugar!" And then Scene 5: Dedaddy so full of grief that he took his own life in the same backyard where we shared so many good memories.

And then it hit me. It doesn't matter how many good memories you make if you don't have a hope for life after death.

All of those wonderful memories seem so futile now. As Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived, says in Ecclesiastes 1:2, ""Meaningless! Meaningless!"says the Teacher."Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless."

Tonight, my husband and son and I went out to the house we are building. The frame just got up and we were able to walk through what would be the rooms of our future home. Excitement poured through me. As Drew ran through the house, I pictured him growing up in it. I envisioned another child someday in his or her own room. I thought of Christmases being spent around the fireplace. The promise of the family memories we would make in our new home was overwhelming.

Yet even these things will pass away. All that matters is if we have hope for eternity. Where there will never be a tear. Where there will never be depression, despair, or hopelessness. Where there will never be sickness, disease, or disability. Where we will never again be hindered by our sinful nature. Where we will be the perfect individuals God had intended us to be when he created us. Where we will have fellowship with those we love without fear of losing them. Where we will be in the presence of the Savior who loved us so much he couldn't bear to spend eternity apart from us.

I just hope with all of my heart that even in Dedaddy's despair, he found that hope and cried out to God, even if it was in those final moments.

Because I really want to see him again.

The Not-So-Warm-and-Fuzzy Voice

2008-09-24T21:04:00.003-05:00

Focal verse: "As has just been said: "Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as you did in the rebellion" (Hebrews 3:15)

I am proud to have a mom who was a wonderful teacher of elementary students for over 3 decades. Being a teacher's daughter, I learned many things growing up, but there is one thing in particular I recall. My mom talked about how sometimes some children misbehave in order to gain attention. Even if it's negative attention, it's still attention. While that has always baffled me to some degree, I'm seeing something similar in myself in regard to my relationship with God. It's not that I misbehave to get his attention, but instead that the "negative attention" from God I do get ends up being a blessing.

I can't say enough about the book and Bible study by Priscilla Shirer, Discerning the Voice of God. My relationship with God has grown in a new depth thanks to the Holy Spirit's inspiring of this study. Most of what I've learned so far has been the warm and fuzzy feelings you would associate with having the God of the universe speaking directly to you. But I've also learned that even when God speaks to me when it's something I don't necessarily want to hear, I'm still thankful that he chose to speak.

For example, one day I was about to mumble something about someone's actions that irritated me. Don't say it, Jill; you wouldn't want that said about you. Obviously, that was not necessarily what I wanted to hear because I really wanted to vent. And another time I was seething with anger. Grace has been given to you; exercise grace with others. Again, not what I wanted to hear.

In both instances, I felt, deep down, thankful that God spoke those words to me. It wasn't because of what the words were. It was because he chose to speak to me! And I knew that his motives for speaking these things weren't simply because he is holy and wants me to be holy. I knew that it also stemmed from love. He loves me so much he wants me to be conformed to his Son. And he wants me to live free from the anger that seethed in me. He wants me to live free from the irritation that would have ultimately escalated had I vented the way I wanted.

Yet when he speaks, he demands obedience. As I obeyed his voice in these instances, I could feel his presence and his activity in changing me. Right before my eyes, in these small but significant instances, I was watching me become a little less and him become a little more.

So when it comes to me and God, I'm happy for a little negative attention, as long as I am still hearing his voice.

Battling the Enemy

2008-09-06T18:57:00.002-05:00

Focal Verse: For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms (Ephesians 6:12).

When I was in high school, my family's whole life revolved around basketball. My dad was the girls' basketball coach, and I was the starting point guard. Needless to say, basketball wasn't another activity. It was a passion.

When our team had a big game coming up against an opponent we had never played before, Dad and I would go "scout" this team as they played another team. We would learn what type of offense they used against different types of defenses. We learned what defenses they used. We learned their successful plays and their most threatening players. We discovered what they were good at and where their weak points were. By learning these things, we could prepare accordingly and mount our best offense and defense against the team. That way, when we played them, we were prepared and weren't caught off guard.

Somewhere in my Christian walk, I was told that sometimes we focus too much on our opponent, Satan, and the enemy's power than we do focusing on Christ and his power inside of us. Although this statement does have some truth, I took it to the extreme. For most of my Christian life, I completely ignored the power of the enemy and his influence in my life. I guess I thought if I ignored it then it didn't exist.

Oh how wrong I was. Thankfully God opened my eyes to the real presence of the enemy. God showed me where the enemy was alive and active in my life. What a disheartening realization, but thankfully, a necessary one. I learned that the enemy knew exactly which cards to play. He knew my weaknesses. He knew what pushed my buttons. He knew what to do to render me ineffective in my Christian walk. He knew how to distract me. Oh how I was such an easy target.

Armed with this newfound revelation, I became more aware of places I needed to be on guard. Specifically, I began to really pray about our Mom's group at church. I have been leading this group for a year and a half, and a couple of weeks ago we started a new study. The first night we had a record number with more and more moms coming. I could see God's hand working in lives of each of us. Yet I knew where God was working, the enemy couldn't be too far behind.

I started praying that God would govern my mouth as I taught. How easy would it have been for one careless word to slip my mouth that could offend someone? I started praying that the other girls' words would be kind to one another so each one would feel included. I prayed about everything within our group I could think of that might threaten the work God was doing.

But obviously I hadn't scouted my opponent because within the group was not where he chose to strike. He chose to strike at the leader in her home. How crafty. Create strife in my home and how can I be focused on leading this group to be more godly moms? You see, last weekend, my husband and I were bickering at every turn. At one point I opened my mouth one too many times and it led to hurt and coldness, but thankfully only for awhile.

I didn't need to be told twice that my struggle is not with flesh and blood. The enemy knows what I can do (or not do) that gets my husband riled up. He knows that Matt has a hard time fighting the temptation to let me know about it. And the enemy also knows how that makes me feel, and on goes the cycle.

Thankfully I was able to stop the cycle by realizing that my struggle wasn't against Matt. My heart softened and I started to see his point of view. As my heart softened, so did his. And we were fine... until the enemy chose to attack us again. But this time I was ready.

What I've learned is ignoring the enemy doesn't mean he isn't there. In my opinion, we're either (1) under attack and are with Christ's help defending against it, (2) under attack and don't realize it, and we're being defeated time and again, or (3) we're not being attacked because we're not a threat to the enemy.

It's not a fun feeling knowing that if I live my life for God, my whole life will be a battle, against the enemy or the sinful nature within me. But thankfully, I have the One who has already won the war on my side, fighting along with me.

Death to the Overachiever

2008-08-31T13:46:00.004-05:00

Focal Verse: "For my yoke is easy and my burden is light" (Matthew 11:30).

The verse above is one of those verses in the Bible that gets us all warm and fuzzy inside. It's the kind of verse we like to memorize and take to heart.

Yet this verse has been one that I've never really experienced. Yes, I knew what it said, but I can recall reading it time and time again, thinking, "I just don't get it." It wasn't until recently when I realized the reason why I knew this verse in my head but not in my heart.

In my almost 18-year Christian walk, I have tried to "do" and "be" everything I thought was expected. When I used my gifts to serve the Lord, or if someone told me I was a blessing in one way or another, I cheered for myself. I had succeeded. On the opposite side, when I was hit with a sinful area I couldn't figure out how to master, I failed. Without realizing it, I was trying to "work" my way to approval from God. An overachiever, I subconsciously planned on "mastering" this Christianity thing once and for all. I struggled with sermons that talked about confessing sin, because I would realize I hadn't confessed of anything in such a long time. Surely I wasn't perfect, but for the life of me, I couldn't think of anything I had done wrong lately. I tried to "do" everything right. Though I knew I was saved by faith, I was living my Christianity by works.

And let me tell you, works wasn't working.

Then God hit me with an amazing revelation: there is nothing good in me. Now, to an overachiever like myself, this could have been a fatal blow. But instead, it brought freedom like none other. Once I realized that there is nothing good in me of myself, I realized that everything good in me is from God. What a relief! Any good I ever hope to be cannot come from myself but from God and His Spirit's work alone.

This revelation brought an amazing new light to the following verse: "Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom" (James 2:12). How can the law give freedom? With all the rules and regulations and the impossible expectations, how could we possibly gain freedom through the law? Because there is no possible way to live up to the law! The FREEDOM is that Jesus Christ through his death and resurrection covered my inability to ever be good enough. The freedom is that the only way I am to ever be all God has for me to be is to recognize that he IS the good in me. Only by dying to myself and allowing him to live in me will I ever please him.

Now the dying to myself isn't so easy sometimes. But at least I'm not trying achieve the impossible anymore. Once I let go of my ambitions to do it all myself, I can be free to let the Holy Spirit do his perfect work in me.

Counterfeit Comfort

2008-08-28T20:09:00.005-05:00

Focal Verses: "Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters...Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare" (Isaiah 55:1a, 2)

While some people eat for comfort, I drink for comfort. No, not alcohol; my drinks of choice are coffee, diet coke, and sweet tea. In particular, I've found myself in the last few months getting a 32-ounce diet coke during my workday to "comfort" me as I work a long day. What used to be a once-a-week treat turned into an almost every day necessity.

Also a couple of months ago, I found myself feeling very fatigued at work. In the afternoon I was simply run down. Some days I felt like I was battling an illness I was so tired. My husband even jokingly asked if he could declare the lemon law on me because I felt bad all the time.

Sick of feeling sick, I decided to try something. After noticing I was feeling my worst after a string of those "diet coke days," I decided I was going to switch to water. Starting on a Monday, I had a large 32-ounce ice water both in the morning and afternoon. I even added some lemon because I read somewhere that lemon is loaded with vitamin C. That could only be good right?

The difference was immediate. That Monday I was full of energy - even for a Monday! And that whole week I felt like I was back to normal again. It couldn't be that simple, right? Just exchange my diet coke for refreshing ice water?

How often do we do the same thing with our spiritual lives? How often do we try to fill the thirst in our lives with a counterfeit drink?

One of my counterfeit drinks was TV. I had at least one show to watch every night. Every day I looked forward to the show that was on that night. With those shows I could escape my reality and live in another world. They were my comfort. Yet when they were over, I was as empty as I was before, until the next night. Since I have replaced most of my sacred TV shows to other activities in the evenings - ones that are beneficial - I don't even miss it. Sure, my husband and I still indulge in a couple of our favorites, but they are treats for me, not what I depend on for my comfort.

Another counterfeit could be our friends, even Christian friends. If we are leaning on our friends or family with issues we haven't even taken to God, we are expecting them - maybe not consciously - to fill that role of God in our lives. God has used my precious friends in so many ways in my life. But he has at times also taken away their availability to me when he knew I was depending on them too much. He wants us to come to him with all of our thoughts, feelings, dilemmas, and worries. Then, if he chooses to use our friends to speak to us, great! But he is the Wonderful Counselor who needs to be the first one we turn to. And if he chooses to speak to us through our friends, that's just icing on the cake!

Still another counterfeit could be our busyness. As long as we're on the go, doing something, planning something, having something to look forward to, we feel validated. We don't have time to realize our soul is empty. This has been a struggle of mine for as long as I can remember. I'll share what I wrote along these lines in my journal at the end of my Senior year of high school: "It is right now that I feel hopeless; I have a lack of purpose. Throughout the school year I've always had something to look forward to...But now all of that is over." If we are always looking forward to the next thing, that is a sure clue that we're leaning on the wrong thing. If all of our activities and responsibilities were stripped from us, would we find an empty void in our hearts? If so, then we aren't gaining our sustenance from God's Living Water.

These are just a few of my struggles, but I'm sure that we all have our unique counterfeit comforts that we turn to from time to time. It's difficult sometimes to recognize them but if we examine our hearts and pray that God will reveal them to us, we can resist leaning on our counterfeit comfort and instead turn to our God's all-fulfilling comfort.

And once we do that, we open the door to God's living water. The one that will make us never thirst again.

My Center

2008-08-24T20:07:00.002-05:00

Focal Verse: "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" (Matthew 6:33).

Sitting down momentarily in my recliner this Sunday afternoon, I started thinking what I needed to do next. Having surprisingly gotten all my housework done, I was about to tackle another thing on my to-do list.

But my two-year-old son Drew was sitting on the bed playing with puzzles, wanting me to come play with him. Conflicted, my heart won out and I crawled up in the bed next to him and we enjoyed the Sunday afternoon together.

Lately, I have been feeling much anxiety regarding to the things I have to do and how I am supposed to do it all. I don't get home from work until after 6:00 every night. Then comes cooking dinner, cleaning up, housework, and hopefully squeezing in some quality time with Drew before it's time to give him a bath and put him to bed. The next thing I know, it's 9:00 and I still haven't studied for my Wednesday night mom's class or my upcoming Sunday night discipleship training class...or discussion questions for my Sunday School class...or writing on this blog...or writing thank-you notes...the list seems never ending. And not to mention, I also haven't spent any quality time with my husband yet.

My life has seemed like one big whirlwind lately. So much to do - so much I WANT to do - yet so little time to squeeze it in.

I recall a metaphor used by Joanna Weaver in her book Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World, where she talked about her each of her responsibilities representing a hula hoop, and her challenge was to balance them all and not drop one. How to do it? She said she had to find her "center." Once she found her center, she could balance all her responsibilities. Now, it's easy to think our "center" is Christ, and it is. But I think finding our center goes beyond that. If I look at everything in my life demanding my attention, I don't know how I could put one above another. My role as a wife, my role as a mother, and my role in the ministries God has called me to, each demand their place.

I wasn't sure how I was going to be and do everything needed (and remain sane at that!), so today I started praying, "God, show me how to find my center."

Thankfully, God revealed my first step in the precious eyes of my toddler. While I was trying to decide which task to tackle next today, I couldn't even consider anything but spending my time with Drew. It was through this that God showed me that my priority needs to be to my family, and he will provide time for my other responsibilities.

I know I'm not the only one who struggles with this. I certainly believe we can "do" too much and sometimes need to reconsider what we commit to. But when we're doing everything that we feel called to do - and nothing more - yet we still feel overwhelmed, it's time to find our center.

The oft-quoted passage Philippians 4:13 is true here. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." I need to realize that if God has called me, he will equip me. And isn't it just like God to give us a God-sized task so we won't rely on our own abilities to do it? Paul says in 2 Corinthians 12,"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness,' ... For when I am weak, then I am strong" (v. 9a and 10b).

I think one of God's purposes for all of my responsibilities is that I will realize I can't do it all on my own strength. It is only through him and his power that I can find my center.

Flesh Woman

2008-08-17T19:22:00.003-05:00

Focal Verses: "What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!" (Romans 7:24-25a)

Sometimes spiritual growth can be joyous. Sometimes it can be painful. For the past few weeks since writing my blog “Repetition,” I have gone through a growth of the latter kind.

Little did I know that when God laid upon my heart the song, “Empty Me,” he was preparing for something well beyond the scope of the example listed in the “I Get It” blog. I am taking a risk of being transparent in this post in hopes that through my experiences, God may touch you as he did me, albeit the hard way.

Through my prayer of “empty me,” God didn’t spare my feelings when he pointed out some areas in my life that need his transformation. However, in my flawed self, I had quite a bit of trouble with these realizations.

You see, I’ve come to realize that my view of myself isn’t rooted where it should be. Instead of realizing my value because of God’s love for me and his Son’s sacrifice for me, I vary from extreme to extreme. If I feel like I’ve got everything under control and I’m being a “good girl,” I feel on top of the world. But point out a flaw in me, and I fall into a downward spiral. I wonder how in the world have my friends stuck around this long? How has my family put up with me--and even more inconceivably--loved me? And for heaven's sake, who am I to think that I am in any position to be teaching a Bible study?

It’s inconceivable for me to think that God can use me if I have any areas of sin or weakness lurking under the surface. Whereas some people perhaps shy away from any kind of leadership position in the church or ministry for this same reason, I started questioning everything I’ve been doing in that capacity. In either case, it all boils down to one thought. I’m not good enough.

Alas, nothing could be more true. I’m NOT good enough. God doesn’t expect me to be good enough in my own strength. That’s why he gave me his Son to redeem me and his Holy Spirit to convict and change me.

As I was seeking answers to my struggles these past few weeks, God reached down and touched me in only a way that He can. This time he did it through the book Having a Mary Spirit. After thoroughly enjoying Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World by Joanna Weaver, I asked my sister-in-law for that author’s next book for my birthday. Only God knew what perfect timing that book would be.

God gently reminded me that there are two forces at work inside me. Paul sums it up in the verses following his famous tongue-twister passage in Romans 7: “I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. I love God’s law with all my heart. But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me” (Romans 7:21-23).

I had to realize that no matter how hard I try, I am always going to have, as Weaver puts it, “Flesh Woman” contending for her place in my heart. And what God wants me to do about that is to first of all recognize her. Turning a blind eye to her presence in my life isn’t the way to become more like Christ. I must recognize her and with the power of Christ fight against her. And if I lose a battle, I confess and repent and move on. I can’t get stuck in the wrongful thinking that just because Flesh Woman is part of my life, that doesn’t mean that she IS my life.

I’m still struggling with many of the areas God has revealed to me. But instead of wallowing in hopeless despair, I can now see myself the way God sees me: completely unworthy, yet completely valuable to him.

I was putting Drew to sleep one night, and it was as if God whispered in my ear, “Do you see how much you love Drew? Is it because of anything he has done? No, you love him because he’s your son. Do you love him any less when he misbehaves? Of course not. And aren’t you proud of him when he does what is right? That’s how I am with you. I love you unconditionally, and I’m proud of you when you choose my way. But your weaknesses don’t make me love you less.”

Thankfully, God understands that our sanctification (being made holy) isn’t an overnight deal. It’s a process. We can rest assured in Philippians 1:6: “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

Repetition

2008-07-29T21:20:00.004-05:00

Focal Verse: "My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me." (John 10:27)

In my six-year career since graduating college, my positions have always included marketing. From my first job as an advertising sales rep at the local newspaper to my current job in charge of online, email, and direct mail marketing, my aim has been knowing how to communicate a message to a particular audience.

One main premise in marketing is repetition. I learned in an advertising conference that it takes 3 direct mail messages for the recipient to engage. Even at the newspaper, businesses were encouraged to invest in repetition even if it meant smaller ads more frequently.

You can even see this in everyday life. How many times have you seen the first commercial for a new TV fall series and thought nothing of it, but the fourth or fifth time, your interest is piqued enough to watch the pilot episode? How many times have you decided to buy that new product only after seeing it advertised repetitively?

What I've noticed recently is that God is in the repetition business as well. It seems everywhere I turn recently, God has been showing me how he longs to speak to me. If you read my posts recently, you may be experiencing a little deja vu right now. But that's okay. If God cares enough to be repetitious with me to prove a point, I think it's okay for me to do the same with this blog.

One reason it has been several days since I've posted is because I have been struggling with something in particular. It is a personal issue for which I've been seeking God's direction. After several days and after getting even more desperate for an answer, I got on my knees and begged God to shine a light on my soul and show me if there were any offensive way in my thinking in regard to this issue (Psalm 139:23). I begged him to simply show me what direction he wanted me to go. Although he didn't speak right then, I trusted that he would in his time.

That night, I was reading in Ecclesiastes and a group of verses spoke to my heart. Although the author, Solomon, was talking about something completely different, God used these verses to speak directly to my situation. The particular verse that spoke to me was Ecclesiastes 8:6: "For there is a proper time and procedure for every matter, though a man's misery weighs heavily upon him." I was comforted that through this verse God was showing me that he understood my heart and what I was battling. Yet in the same verse, he spoke, telling me to wait on him, that there is a proper time for that in which I hope.

Through many of the circumstances about which I've written on this blog and others which I haven't, God has made his point to me. He desires to speak to us. He doesn't want the only message we hear from him to be the one from the pulpit. He wants to initiate a passionate relationship with us through one-on-one conversing. He wants to build his relationship with us. Through that relationship, he wants to comfort us in our sorrows. He wants to direct us in our life decisions. He wants to fill our deepest longings. He wants to show us his glory.

Yes, this blog may seem repetitive at the moment, but if you read through the book of Jeremiah for example, you'll see that God makes a point to be repetitive when he wants to speak to us.

I pray that we will continue to listen, because he is ready to speak.

I Get It

2008-07-24T20:45:00.003-05:00

Focal Verse: "For God does speak—now one way, now another— though man may not perceive it" (Job 33:14).

Okay, Father, I get it. That was my conversation with God on the way to work this morning. Listening to K-love on my 7-minute commute, the song by Chris Sligh, Empty Me, came on. Now this doesn't seem unusual, except Empty Me has been coming on quite a bit lately when I'm in the car. But not just on K-love. It seems every time I change the station to the Spirit channel on my satellite radio this particular song comes on as well.

But the frequency of this song coming on both radio stations I listen to may not have been that significant either. What got my attention was when I was in my quiet time this morning, the song popped in my mind. I remember taking note of why God would bring this particular song to my mind. And then, during my morning commute, there it was again. Okay, Father, I get it.

Now this song wasn't one of those that hit me like an arrow at a target (as compared to what I wrote about in the Miracle of the Moment blog). The lyrics were meaningful but didn't seem to have any special significance in my life at the moment. Or so I thought. I decided I would look up the lyrics and pray about what God was saying to me. With that thought, I went on to work this morning.

And then when I went to lunch, I realized how God can mix persistence with a sense of humor. Yep, on my lunch break there it was again. Chuckling, I prayed, Okay God I really get it! You are preparing to tell me something. Show me what it is.

Later this afternoon, a situation occurred where I was able to look back and see one way God wanted to speak to me through this song. The chorus "Empty me of the selfishness inside, every vain ambition and the poison of my pride" revealed an area of pride of which I wasn't aware.

I am so thankful that when God speaks, his voice is persistent. When he wants to make a point, he'll make every effort. It's his job to speak. It's our job to anticipate his voice and to listen.

Sometimes we may initially pass off occurrences like this as mere coincidence. But if we are open to God's voice and attentive to it, he might just have something to say to us individually. Even though God's lesson to me wasn't easy to hear, I was overjoyed that he took the time to speak to me.

I look forward to more of those Okay, I get it moments with my Savior. And I'm convinced that he does, too.

Enjoy the song Empty Me performed by Chris Sligh below the lyrics. Apparently he was on American Idol? I had no idea until I looked him up on youtube! :)

Lyrics: I've had just enough of the spotlight when it burns bright To see how it gets in the blood. And I've tasted my share of the sweet life and the wild ride And found a little is not quite enough. I know how I can stray And how fast my heart could change. Empty me of the selfishness inside Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride And any foolish thing my heart holds to Lord empty me of me so I can be filled with you. I've seen just enough of the quick buys of the best lies To know how prodigals can be drawn away. I know how I can stray And how fast my heart could change. Cause everything is a lesser thing Compared to you, compared to you. Cause everything is a lesser thing compared to you. So, I surrender all!

Completely Trustworthy

2008-07-19T14:32:00.005-05:00

Focal Verse: "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD.

Drew and I were walking toward the entrance of Hobby Lobby today, planning to buy the final supplies for Drew's second birthday party, which is in less than a month. As I was pushing him in the stroller, my mind flashed back to almost two years ago, when Drew was two weeks old. I was pushing him in that same stroller, although then he was lying asleep in the infant carrier part of the stroller instead of sitting up facing forward like he did today.

I remember that day like it was yesterday. Drew was calm and softly sleeping. I was able to somewhat live the dream that I had had months before when I chose this particular stroller combination. When I picked out the exact one I wanted online, I was full of excitement and anticipation. I couldn't wait to stroll my baby calmly and quietly wherever I wanted to go. Everyone would "ooh" and "aah" and how precious he would be and I would be the giddy mommy, like it seemed every other new mommy was. Fast forward a few months to that day in Hobby Lobby two years ago. Drew wasn't the calm and quiet baby I expected. Even as I was shopping in Hobby Lobby, I bided my time until he would wake up, because since it seemed he was either sleeping, eating, or crying, when he awoke, I knew I had to have an exit strategy. This wasn't what I expected.

Throw in postpartum hormones, and those first few weeks of Drew's life were the most difficult weeks I had ever experienced in that point of my life. I remember sobbing on my bed one night, asking God why in the world did he answer my prayer for a child. What was he thinking? I was a horrible mom, and frankly, I wanted my old life back. I was so thankful when I discovered that I was pregnant and that God answered my prayer for Drew, but after he was born, I wondered why God hadn't vetoed this request.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. (Isaiah 55:8)

Thankfully in the midst of my depression, I had enough faith to know that God didn't make a mistake. He knew exactly what he was doing, and if that were the case, then surely this whole mommy thing would get better.

And of course, it did. One amazing thing about God is that we can completely trust him. He knows what he's doing. He has a purpose when he speaks. He has a purpose for his silence. He has a purpose when he answers our prayers. He has a purpose when he says "no" or "wait."

He is completely trustworthy even when we think he may have made a mistake. He is completely trustworthy even when we think he must have forgotten about us. He is completely trustworthy even when we don't understand.

God is completely trustworthy. Drew and I are living proof. :)

God Speaks

2008-07-15T21:03:00.004-05:00

Focal Verse: "For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart" (Hebrews 4:12).

My heart has had a yearning for ministry for as long as I can remember. I vividly recall an experience when I was at a church camp, where I excitedly told my camp counselor - who had also led me to Christ a few years before - that I wanted to "save people." She quickly pointed out the err of my words of choice, but my excitement was obvious. That desire has never left me, and I always felt that God would bring me into ministry in his time and in his way.

That desire has not only been stirred in past months, but it has turned into a passion that at times I can barely contain. As I have been praying and contemplating the possibilties - and the possible barriers - I realized that I have to get serious about listening to God's voice and the direction he has planned for me. So, I felt led to buy Priscilla Shirer's book Discerning the Voice of God. Although I have learned so many things that I've already applied to my prayer life, one chapter in particular spoke to me. It was about God using His word to speak to us.

In this day in age, I don't think we expect to hear God speak. Perhaps that's why he doesn't - or perhaps why we don't hear when he does. And although God speaks in different ways - through prayer, Bible study, circumstances, other believers, etc., I lean toward believing that his Word is his preferred method. Why? Because, even in prayer, sometimes it can be hard to distinguish God's voice from our own thoughts. Circumstances don't always point the way we think they do (I learned that first-hand this year but that's for another blog). And believers can give wrong advice (remember Job's friends?). In these methods, what we think we heard from God must be tested against His inerrant Word.

So how are we supposed to hear God speak through his Word - or test what we think we heard from God with his Word - if we don't know his Word?

Today my mom and I were at lunch and started talking about this. She is a children's leader in our church as she has been since I was a little girl. I was talking about how thankful I am that I grew up with Scripture memory as part of our church lessons. Every Wednesday at GA's we would learn a new Scripture. In Acteens we were expected to memorize Scripture verses and passages. In Bible Drill we memorized the books of the Bible and learned how to locate them. Most of the Scriptures I have memorized today came from my youth. I am so thankful that I had leaders in my home church who cared enough to teach and require Scripture memory.

Priscilla Shirer writes, "When a Scripture comes to mind 'out of nowhere,' that speaks to the specific problem I'm facing, I'm learning not to dismiss it as mere coincidence. Instead, I trust that the Holy Spirit is at work in me to reveal more about God and what my actions should be" (Discerning the Voice of God, p. 68).

When I was having trouble at work with my boss and some of his actions, I grew very frustrated. Then God brought to mind Colossians 3:23: "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men."

It is an amazing thing when God uses his Word to speak to us in our individual circumstance. But we need to know his Word before God can bring it up in our mind.

Scripture memory can be just like it sounds: going over a verse again and again until it's etched on your heart. This is easier than you think. I put verses on my bathroom mirror and practice them in the morning.

But knowing Scripture can also mean just spending time reading God's Word. God has brought passages to my mind that I may not have specifically memorized, but I knew enough about the idea of the Scripture that I knew what he was saying. And, thanks to the Internet, if I can recall a phrase, I can type it into http://www.biblegateway.com/ and easily locate the passage.

If I have learned anything in seeking God's voice, it's that God WANTS to speak to us! He wants to blow our socks off with those "Wow! He spoke to ME" moments. Sometimes we wish we could be in the Old Testament when God spoke audibly or appeared in signs like the burning bush, but we have to remember that God only spoke to prophets and certain people. Now God's Holy Spirit indwells every believer, and if we will listen, he wants to speak to each and every one of us. And the first place to start is in the Scripture he provided for us.

The Heart of Music

2008-07-09T18:15:00.004-05:00

Focal Verse: "'Everything is permissible'—but not everything is beneficial. 'Everything is permissible'—but not everything is constructive." (1 Corinthians 10:23)

I was listening to K-love this morning on the way to work, as I normally do, and MercyMe happened to be live in the studio. Right as I was about to arrive at work, they sang one of their hits, "So Long Self." I love that song and listened to it so much when I was pregnant that I was sure Drew would come out of the womb with the lyrics memorized (or else he could have been traumatized by his Mom singing along with MercyMe the line that says "there's no room for two so you are going to have to move"). As I was listening to the song, I was reminded of how much Christian music has meant in my Christian life over the last two decades.

As I was pondering this, I recalled the number of conversations lately I've had, discussing whether it is "okay" for us as Christians to listen to mainstream music.

Now before I continue with that thought, I have to admit that in my much-younger years, I was a big fan of Paula Abdul, M.C. Hammer, and Vanilla Ice. I sang "Cold Hearted Snake" way before I had any idea what I was singing. But when I was around middle school, I was introduced to some Christian music that blazed the trail to the contemporary Christian music we have today - specifically D.C. Talk, Carman, and Steven Curtis Chapman. Even now when I hear some of the Christian songs of the 90s, I remember how this music really helped me stay focused in my impressionable teen years. I can't count the number of songs that God has used to make a profound impact on my life.

So back to my original discussion. Is it "okay" for Christians to listen to mainstream music? When I get into these discussions, I try to point out that it's not always a matter of whether it's "permissible," but whether it is "beneficial."

Paul says in 1 Corinthians 10:23: "'Everything is permissible'—but not everything is beneficial. 'Everything is permissible'—but not everything is constructive." I can't count the number of times when the Holy Spirit has brought a truth to my mind through a song that I didn't realize I knew. Many Christian songs are based on Bible verses or even have Bible verses in the lyrics, so in essence listening to some types of Christian music aids us in memorizing Scripture. I also look at my mindset. As I listen to uplifting, encouraging music, it keeps my focus on God and the things of God, and it helps me have the right attitude and perspective in other areas of my life.

I'm definitely not critizing all mainstream songs. After all, some of my favorite songs were songs I shared with my dad - "Centerfield" and "We didn't start the fire" to name a couple. And where would we be without songs like "Butterfly Kisses?" But we must be vigilant. I think when we listen to a mainstream song, a good rule of thumb is if we're having to rationalize how it won't affect us, that should be our cue that maybe we should turn the station.

Consider another verse that is well worth memorizing. This verse provides a measuring stick for all kinds of thoughts and behaviors, but it can definitely be applied to the music we listen to: "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things" (Philippians 4:8).

The thing that most people don't understand about Christian music is that it has come a long way since classic hymns and southern gospel. You can find just about any genre of music you enjoy in the realm of Christian music. Even mainstream movies like The Transporter and The Chronicles of Narnia are using songs from artists like TobyMac and Jeremy Camp, respectively. That tells you that even the secular movies are seeing that the style line between Christian and secular music is less defined. The difference between the two is the message and the "beneficial" effect it will have on our lives.

One other thing. As I was listening to MercyMe this morning, I couldn't help but feel a bond with this band I have never met. It's a Christian bond that even through the airwaves, I felt that I wasn't alone. Listening to Christian music gives me that extra encouragement I need in the midst of a secular workplace.

So, if everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial, will we make a conscious effort to choose the beneficial?

Cleaning the Gunk

2008-07-07T20:41:00.005-05:00

Focal Verses: "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me,and lead me in the way everlasting" (Psalm 139:23-34).

My husband Matt and I will celebrate our seventh wedding anniversary in a little over a month. We each finished college, started our first jobs, bought our first home, adopted 5 pets, traveled together, and eventually welcomed our almost-2-year-old son. We've had ours ups and downs, and overall, it has been a wonderful seven years.

A few weeks ago, while waiting on a meeting at work, I was looking at my diamond engagement ring, reminiscing on the first few days that I wore it. It was so shiny then, reflective of young love and anticipation of the years to come. But as I looked at this ring that has been on my finger for almost eight years, I noticed how the diamond in the center wasn't shining, and neither were the small diamonds on each side and on the wedding band. I couldn't recall how long it had been since I had cleaned my ring. I wear it everywhere and only take it off when absolutely necessary (which is almost never). I got so accustomed to the ring on my finger that I hadn't even noticed that it had lost its shine and sparkle long ago.

So one night, I did what I had read somewhere - I brushed the ring with an old toothbrush and non-gel toothpaste. (If you laugh, you must try it first-it works!) I couldn't believe how much my ring sparkled! It looked like it was brand new and I was sure it would blind someone if they got too close.

My pride was short-lived, when the next day waiting for another meeting at work, I started looking at my ring again. I happened to look on the underside of my shiny diamond, where the prongs were, only to notice "gunk." There was no telling how many months - or years - of dirt was on this part of the diamond that I didn't scrub. I was determined to go back and get my toothbrush and toothpaste and work on this hidden area much harder. But do you know what I found? I couldn't remove this gunk myself. I don't know if it was too encrusted or if the bristles just wouldn't reach. Irritated, I realized that I would have to take it to a jeweler to restore the shine even in the less obvious places.

In the same way, sometimes I can go a long time without acknowledging or confessing sin, and over time, that unconfessed sin starts to cloud the brightness of the Light of Christ within. I don't even realize how dirty I am until I come to Christ for cleansing.

I also started to realize that there are probably parts of me that I don't even realize are dirty. I can look (and feel) bright and shiny on the outside and yet part of me is encrusted with sin that I may not even be aware of. And no matter how hard I scrub to be clean, unless God reveals that sin to me, I may never see it. Others might. But it also might be so entrenched and hidden that no one else sees it either.

That's why David said at the end of Psalm 139: "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." These verses indicate that it is very possible we may have sin we are unaware of. Some sin may be so entrenched that it began in childhood and we assume it's part of our personality. Other sin could be the product of denial when the Holy Spirit convicts us, and just like a callous, we're so accustomed to it, and it is part of our way of life.

If we wholeheartedly pray these words of David in Psalm 139, God will show us if there is an area of our lives that only He can bring to light - and cleanse. When we are cleansed, the light of Christ will shine through us.

I think of those verses now every time I look at my engagement ring. It's a good reminder to pray for God to reveal any gunk that might be in my life. Now if I can just find the time to get to a jeweler.

Every Opportunity

2008-07-04T14:06:00.002-05:00

Focal Verse: "Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have." (1 Peter 3:15b)

She was leaning against the counter, obviously very upset. As she let out her frustration to us, she ran her fingers through her bouncy brown hair. A pretty woman, probably in her 30s, the wear of traveling showed on her like I'm sure it did us.

She, my mother-in-law, and I were in the Chicago airport at 11:30 p.m., mistakenly sent there by the airline on our way to Orlando. We, along with six other people, had just been told that our flight to Orlando had left an hour ago, and the St. Louis airport had made a mistake sending us here. So, they were going to put us up in a hotel and help us get a flight to Orlando the next morning.

I could tell that this woman was about to air her frustration to the airline employee across the counter, even though none of this was this airline employee's fault and she handled the situation in such a way that only a fellow worker in customer service could appreciate. I was determined to handle the situation calmly, probably in an effort to protect this airline employee from this woman's anger. It seemed to work; this lady calmed herself and even later asked us how we were able to stay so calm in the situation.

"Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have." (1 Peter 3:15b)

That was my opportunity. No, I didn't feel led to share Jesus at that moment, but I did sense that God was telling me to talk more to her; after all, we would be traveling to the same hotel and would get opportunities to talk. Yet I failed. We waited for a long time together for our shuttle to the hotel, but I just didn't pursue more conversation. I can list the reasons but none of them compare with what I knew I needed to do. When we were in our hotel room, I decided I was going to try to find her and talk to her more the next morning because we would be on the same flight. I was hopeful. But then at the last minute, our flight got changed and I never saw this lady again.

How many of us cringe when we hear the word, "Evangelism?" What thoughts and feelings does it evoke? Perhaps we think of evangelistic training techniques, such as Win Our World (W.O.W.), apologetics, or the Roman Road. We may think of knocking on someone's door we've never met, trying to share with them Jesus. For most of us, "evangelism" evokes an insecurity, maybe even fear, within us, that moves us to shy away from it. If we've ever done a spiritual gift class where "evangelism" was one of the gifts mentioned, we reason that evangelism isn't my gift, so I don't have to worry about it.

But true evangelism goes beyond cold visits and boot camp-like training. Sure, the training techniques can be helpful, and Scripture memory is useful, but true evangelism isn't encompassed in a method. It stems from being sensitive to the Holy Spirit and making the most of an opportunity that he brings our way.

When I was planning to talk to this lady the next morning, I had no fear as I would have, had I been knocking on a stranger's door. I simply intended to talk to her, asking God to give opportunities in everyday conversation. The one thing I've learned about God is if we care to take the time to pray for opportunities to talk to people about him, he will answer. One time in my workplace, I started praying for one of my employees, that I might get to talk with her about Christ. It was amazing that while I was praying for this, how many religious conversations came about. I did get a chance to talk with her and with others in my office. Yet I notice when I get too bogged down in daily life and don't pray for these opportunities, they simply don't come as often.

I feel like we need to stop evading evangelism like the plague. Evangelism in its essence is simply talking to others about the hope we have in Christ. It's not as hard as it sounds, for God promises us that the Holy Spirit will give us the words to say: "for the Holy Spirit will teach you at that time what you should say" (Luke 12:12). Also consider the words of Paul: "Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel" (Ephesians 6:19).

One other thing to remember. It's not about us! Jesus said the only way someone will come to faith in him is through the Holy Spirit: "No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him" (John 6:44a). God does the work. We only provide the vessel.

Yet our vessel must be willing to make the most of every opportunity that God brings our way.

Decisions, Decisions

2008-06-30T19:31:00.002-05:00

Focal Verse: "During the reign of David, there was a famine for three successive years; so David sought the face of the LORD" (2 Samuel 21:1b).

My husband paced across the hotel room in Mansfield, Texas, going back and forth between a big decision we had to make. After having been laid off in January from the company he worked with for the last 3 years, he landed his dream job at a company in Jacksonville, Arkansas. It was over an hour commute, but it was worth it for him. Then the unexpected came. The corporate office decided to close down the Arkansas branch, and as it turned out, Matt could either take the layoff or move to their Texas branch, over 6 hours away.

We decided to drive to Texas and visit the area, trying to seek God and his will concerning this dilemma. It was tough. We didn't want to move away from our entire family, but we wanted to be yielded to God's plan for our lives. Still, the decision wasn't easy. We didn't get that "feeling" that one way or another was right. Ultimately, we decided not to move and trust God with the rest. We believed that if Texas was where we were supposed to be, God would have made it crystal clear to us.

Some decisions are tough. But some are not. As I was studying the book of Ruth for our Mom's class this week, I stumbled upon a very real truth about some decisions in the very first verse: "In the days when the judges ruled, there was a famine in the land, and a man (Elimilech) from Bethlehem in Judah, together with his wife and two sons, went to live for a while in the country of Moab" (Ruth 1:1).

My first instinct was to think that God may have used this famine to move Elimilech's family to Moab, so his future daughter-in-law Ruth would eventually come to Israel, marry Boaz, have a child, and ultimately become an ancestor in the line of Jesus Christ. However, after further study, I realized that this wasn't the case. I'm afraid too often we can look at a good result and attribute the entire process to God's divine plan, when in reality, God has used yet another case of our bad decision to create something of beauty. Now, that's something to praise God about...that centuries before Romans 8:28 was penned, God was busy acting it out in the lives of people in the Old Testament.

Back to Elimilech. There was famine in the land. He was afraid for his wife Naomi and two sons, so he decided to move to Moab for "a while." While his instinct to provide for his family can be admired, his decision lacked concern for the will of God. Elimilech made his decision without considering what God had said about such matters. In Deuteronomy 23:3, God had specified that no Moabite may enter into the assembly of the Lord. This was said because of the sin and idolatry of the Moabities; according to Numbers 25:1-3, the Moabite women had turned the Israelite men to idolatry. In Deuteronomy 7:3, the Israelites were commanded not to intermarry with people of the pagan nations. Again, this was because of their idolatry and because God knew that they would lead his people astray.

Elimilech didn't seek the counsel of the Lord before he made his decision to take his wife and his sons go to Moab. If he had, he would have been able to see that God's law forbade the intermarrying with pagan people, and by moving there, he would be exposing his sons to the temptation of the Moabite women.

It's easy to overlook this simple decision Elimilech made. After all, his decision brought about the great story of Ruth, whose actions are an example to us all. Yet we forget that before Ruth made the journey with her mother-in-law Naomi to Israel, to follow her God, Elimilech died, and his sons died at a premature age, childless. Naomi returned to Israel a widow who had lost her two sons and had little hope. It was God in his sovereignty, who used a bad decision to bring out a glorious result. He worked in spite of Elimilech's decision, not because of it.

Contrast our focal verse today, where a 3-year famine occured in Israel. Unlike Elimilech, who simply made a decision without regard to the Lord, David sought the face of the Lord.

When we are faced with a decision, the first thing we should do is follow in David's example and seek the Lord. In doing that, we should test our options agains the word of God. God will never call us to something that blatantly goes against his word. We should also ask God to reveal our motives. Perhaps the decision isn't wrong in and of itself, but perhaps our motivation is contrary to the pure and dedicated life he calls us to.

The bottom line is that some decisions are easy when we test them against the word of God.

And what about the others? I'm still working on that. Stay tuned. :)

A Living Sacrifice

2008-06-24T20:29:00.003-05:00

Focal Verses: "Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will" (Romans 12:1-2).

I'm learning a lot about faith these days. It seems like life has thrown us nothing but one disappointment after another over the last year, and some days, I just wonder when there will be some relief. Hope. Restoration.

I'd like to say that I've been the one who has been the family cheerleader, the one with the positive outlook, reminding everyone else that God has a greater purpose for our travails. Deep down, even though I have to cheer on myself at times, I believe it. I have clung to the hope that God wouldn't let us go through all of this if there weren't a greater purpose. And deep down, my hope has been that in the end, we'll be able to see God weaving every circumstance together for the good, and alas, we'll have our happily ever after.

As you can imagine, this outlook can be a little tiring. Sometimes I've grown weary and have wondered how long my strength is going to last. Is there a limit to my faith? It has been a little frightening. Yet today as I was thinking about everything that has happened, and the hope I have that surely some glimmer of hope is bound to come soon, God whispered a new perspective into my ear. The thought crossed my mind, What if there is no magical answer, no final solution? What if there is no happily ever after? What if God is calling us to live in this adversity indefinitely?

I let my mind ponder on this, and as I did, God brought to mind the chorus of a song by Jeremy Camp, "What it Means." I'll include the song below, but here are the lyrics to the chorus:

Show me what it means, To live my life a sacrifice, If only I would realize how much It took to pay the price, I know I’d always give, Everything to you.

It is hard for me to put into words what the Holy Spirit gently reminded me. But it basically came down to this: God doesn't owe me a happy ending. If he wants me to live my life - even the rest of my earthly days if necessary - in adversity, so be it. He gave his all to me in giving his Son, and the least I can do is offer him my life. I think I've gotten myself so programmed to believing in this happy ending that he would provide, that my faith has been in his ability to provide it rather than trusting that he is all I need.

Perhaps God hasn't provided the solution to our adversities yet because he wants me to become completely dependent on him. That doesn't make God insensitive or uncaring. It is actually the opposite. He cares enough to allow me to go through these things because he knows that anything I cling to in this world is rubbish anyway. He hates seeing me hurt, but he knows if by going through these trials, I can become less dependent on the things of this world - even GOOD things - then I will find my complete joy in him.

Now, that's not to say that I have given up on my happy ending. But I realized that this happy ending, even though I believed it was going to come from God, should not have been the source of my hope. Job says it all to well in Job 1:21, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised."

My hope should come in offering myself as a living sacrifice, so I can live in a way as to worship the God who gave his all for me. Any other blessings that he provides is just "gravy."

Who knows, maybe this is the "secret" of contentment Paul was talking about in Philippians 4:12: "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want."

How Did I Get Here?

2008-06-23T20:06:00.003-05:00

Focal Verses: "From the Negev he went from place to place until he came to Bethel, to the place between Bethel and Ai where his tent had been earlier and where he had first built an altar. There Abram called on the name of the LORD" (Genesis 13:3-4)

How did I get here? No, I'm not talking about how I felt last week when our airline mistakenly sent us to Chicago when we were headed to Orlando. I'm actually talking about how, one day, I can feel like God and I are walking joyfully side by side, and then another day, I realize he isn't as close as I remembered him being.

As disturbing as this can be, I'm afraid it's quite common. It is in my own life, anyway. It can happen for a number of reasons. The most obvious one is sin. If we're walking closely with God, allowing sin - unconfessed - in our lives, most definitely will create a space between us and our fellowship with God.

Another culprit in separating us from the closeness of God is not spending time with him. We can allow the busyness of life get in the way of our precious time with him, and the next thing we know, we aren't enjoying that intimacy with him that we did. Of course, that in itself can lead to our weakness to resist sin.

When we have one of those "How did I get here" moments, we have an excellent example in Scripture how we can get back to that closeness with God. Right after God called Abram (Abraham) and Abram set out to Canaan as God commanded, he built an altar between Bethel and Ai and called on the name of the Lord.

Then the Scripture says that Abram went to Egypt because there was a famine. Abram, because he was afraid, lied to Pharaoh and the Egyptians and said Sarai was his sister so as to protect himself. Of course it is easy to wonder what happened to Abram's great faith that we see only a few verses before. (But like Abram, we can - and do - trip up just as easily.) Shortly after, God intervened and Abram was sent away from Egypt. I'm sure Abram's faith was shaken, so what did he do? Look back at our focal verses for today. He went back to the last place he experienced the Lord, the place between Bethel and Ai where his tent had been earlier.

Before I get to the point here, I want to point out the same lesson from another patriarch, Abraham's grandson Jacob. After Jacob fled from Esau, God appeared to him in a dream at Bethel, where he restated his promise to build a nation through him. (Genesis 28) In the course of time, Jacob married Leah and Rachel and had his children, and God told Jacob to go back to Canaan. During this trip, his daughter Dinah was raped, and his sons Levi and Simeon avenged her rape by killing every male in the city. After such tragedy and violence, you have to know that Jacob was questioning God's decision to use his family line. Yet God is faithful even when our circumstances seem uncontrollable. Genesis 35:1 says, "Then God said to Jacob, 'Go up to Bethel and settle there, and build an altar there to God, who appeared to you when you were fleeing from your brother Esau.'"

In both of these cases, you can see that the place we need to go when we feel estranged from God is to the place where we last encountered him.

Maybe it wasn't too long ago for you. Just a matter of days. What changed in that short time? Did sin creep in? Did you let other things crowd out your time with God?

Maybe it has been years. Maybe it was at a church camp in youth group or a small-group Bible study in college. What was different in your life then than now? Were you seeking God wholeheartedly then and now you are keeping a few corners of your heart just to yourself?

Maybe it has been since your surrendered your life to Christ and have yet to launch your exciting relationship with your Savior. I would encourage you, if this is the case, to get involved in a small group or seek out a trusted Christian mentor, where you can be discipled.

Or maybe you have no idea what it's like to be "close" to God. If this is the case, perhaps you have never come to the point in your life where you realize your need for Jesus and ask him to forgive you of your sins. Maybe you have never fully committed your life to him. I'm afraid many in our churches and even in our society believe everything we're supposed to believe, but never make a personal commitment to Christ. Romans 10:9-10 says, "That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved." If this describes you, please don't hesitate to seek out someone who can help you in your decision to commit to Christ. Feel free to even email me.

The bottom line is that God made us for a relationship with him. A living, walking, active relationship with him. And when we find ourselves out of close fellowship with him, the first thing we need to do is go back to the last time we encountered Him.

A Different Spirit

2008-06-19T19:16:00.004-05:00

As you probably know if you've read my mother-in-law's blog (http://sonshineshaven.blogspot.com/), life has been rather busy in the last week. I'm still recuperating from our trip to Florida for her step-dad's funeral service. I appreciate those who have been checking in and since I haven't had time to write anything in the last week, I wanted to post something I wrote on June 21, 2005. At that time my husband and I were planning our first child. Drew was conceived that December, and this verse has remained my "life verse" for Drew. I pray this verse over him frequently, and I encourage you if you have a child to pick out a verse that is special to you to pray it over your child, young or old, as well.

Focal Verse: "But because my servant Caleb has a different spirit and follows me wholeheartedly, I will bring him into the land he went to, and his descendants will inherit it." Numbers 14:24

Picture a lecture from a very angry father. His children had collectively shamed the family name. They turned their back on him and grumbled against him. He is fed up with them and is letting them know it.

In this chapter of Numbers, Israel is getting a lecture. God is in the midst of telling Moses that his generation of Israel would not see the Promised Land. God was not happy with his people. He had performed miracles to rescue them from their bondage and slavery in Egypt, and here they were grumbling and complaining. Not only that, they were sinning against God. And only because Moses petitioned God, did He not destroy them completely. If you read this chapter, you're sense the anger in the lecture.

Then comes verse 24. Calmness. Pride.

God didn't forget Caleb. He remembered his faithfulness. God didn't overlook him with the rest of his "brothers." In fact, while the rest of his generation would not see the Promised Land, God made an exception with Caleb.

Oh, that God would look at me that way! That I may be of a "different spirit" and please God the way Caleb pleased God! My desire is that I will please God where he can say, "Because my servant Jill has a different spirit and follows me wholeheartedly, I will bring her into [her Promised Land], and her descendants will inherit it."

I believe God has a spiritual Promised Land for New Testament believers. This is a place where we are at peace, serving God, loving God, and walking with God. I believe it's God's desire that we live in that Promised Land, just as he desired for Israel to live in their Promised Land.

Don't overlook the end of the verse. God has not blessed me with children yet, but I want my children to know God above all else. And the promise of this verse is that if God sees my spirit is a spirit of serving him, my descendants will be able to enter into their own Promised Land with God as well!

Oh, that I may have a different spirit!

Pray Without Ceasing (Real Life)

2008-06-12T21:08:00.002-05:00

Focal Verse: "Pray without ceasing" (1 Thessalonians 5:17 KJV)

I remember reading this verse in high school and thinking, "Well, how in the world is that possible?" Pray without ceasing or pray continually as the NIV states it. Reading it over and over I still couldn't figure out why God would put such an impossible command in the Bible. So I put it aside in my mind figuring I'd learn how to do that another day.

I recall such explanations as, "It means to continually have the mindset of God in your everyday life." Okay. That was a little more believable, but still a bit out of touch with my reality. I even recall in my young adult years, having my quiet time in the morning, fully intending to conversate with God at various times during the day, and laying my head on the pillow at night feeling that God was by my side all day long. Yet in reality, I found myself laying my head on my pillow wondering where my good intentions went. I wondered how in the world I had managed to leave God at the same place I met him that morning.

You can probably relate. And, like me, you have the best of intentions but just can't seem to grasp how to put that verse into practice. Now, I'll warn you, I don't have the secret code. I don't have a guaranteed method. But I have made progress and hopefully my experience will help you.

My progress has been born out of adversity, I must admit. If you've read my other posts, you know my family has been in some turbulent times in past months. My seeking to have God a part of my whole day has come out of desperation. I simply couldn't make it through each day without seeking him more than just in the morning. I'll warn you. If all is well in your life, this may be a little difficult. When we're not facing trials, it's easy to depend on ourselves and not see a need for a daily relationship with God. But the need is there all the same.

Having a set-aside time alone with God every day is vital. What kind of relationship could we have with a spouse or any other close friend only speaking to them once a week, if then? It certainly wouldn't be a thriving one. So the first thing to do is set aside a time to spend with the Father. It doesn't have to be a long time. Many people start at just 5-10 minutes. I choose the morning. It's the one time of day that I am free of distraction. I make my coffee and start my time with God. It's just like any close relationship. Back when we were in college and were roommates, my friend Tiffany and I used to cherish our "coffee talks." I would make cappuccino back then (sometimes bake cookies), we'd sit together, and talk. Even today when either of us needs some "girl time," one of us suggests coffee. It's our catalyst to an intimate conversation between friends. In the same way, I look forward to my "coffee talk" with God each morning. My routine is to have some sort of Bible study. Sometimes I do a Beth Moore study. Right now I'm reading Women of the Bible. Sometimes I put the study guides down and just read a book of the Bible chapter by chapter. The key for me is variety. I change things every so often to keep myself fresh. I ask God to speak to me through His Word. Then, I pray about what he might bring to my heart. I pray for my family. I pray for him to be with me during my work day. I confess any known sin. If he has brought a verse to my heart, I pray that verse. There's no scientific formula. The main thing is being sensitive to God's leading in this time. The last thing I want to do is make my quiet time another thing on my "to-do" list to check off. When I start leaving my quiet time the same way I began it - unmoved - I start examining my heart. Is my mind distracted? Do I need a change in my routine? What is keeping me from a lively conversation with God?

I choose the morning because it's best for me. Morning may not be best for you. You might be more focused after the kids go to bed at night. The only time you might have is on your lunch break. Maybe it's on your commute to work and you can listen to a Bible study on CD or MP3. (Isn't technology great?)

Now, these other ideas I'm going to suggest are simply what has helped me to stay in more consistent communion with God. Pray about these ideas as well as others that work for you.

Scripture Memory. It seems like a pastime, but Scripture memory is as important as ever. I've found the easiest way for me to memorize Scripture is to put it on my mirror for me to go over as I'm getting ready in the morning. When we memorize Scripture, we're essentially acquiring weapons in our daily battle. The Holy Spirit is amazing. He'll bring that Scripture to your mind just when you need it.

Inspirational Music. Listening to inspirational music on my commute to work helps me to stay in the mindset in which I need to be. If I'm listening to a Christian radio station, God has a way of "playing" the songs that I need most. In addition to my commute, I am also able to listen to Christian music at my computer at work. This keeps Christian songs in the background while I'm doing my daily tasks.

Be Mindful of Prayer Opportunities. I'll be going about my day, and I'll think of someone. That's normal. But now instead of just thinking of that person, I'll pray for them. For instance, I thought of my friend Tiffany this week and remembered her asking for prayer for her husband as he was taking a difficult course this summer. So I'd pray, God, be with Chris today. Help this classwork come easier for him, and give him the strength to persevere.

Take Every Thought Captive. 2 Corinthians 10:5 says, "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." At times I get overwhelmed, and sometimes I start to let bitterness creep in. One of my weak points is after I get home from working 9 hours, and after I cook dinner, clean dishes, put up laundry, and do anything else needed, I start to get bitter and have a tendency to want to take it out on my husband. So when that bitterness creeps in, I have started to pray, Father, this is how I feel. I want to take captive these thoughts, so help me understand the way I should react and feel in this situation. God always answers that prayer! Even if I may not like the answer, I see my situation in the light of the holiness of Christ and I get a whole new perspective.

Tear Down Strongholds. If there is anything in my life preventing me from that close communication with God, I try to analyze it and take it out of my life if necessary. For example, I got hooked on a certain reality TV series that consumed my thoughts and kept me from the pure thoughtlife God wants for me. It was a hard break, but I stopped watching it mid-season. Now that was a big sacrifice! But by doing that, I was able to not only clear my mind of those thoughts but also make more time for my family and other things I felt I needed to spend my time doing.

These are just a few suggestions based on what I've learned in past months. Don't get me wrong and think I am a success at these 100% of the time. That is most definitely not the case. Today in particular I failed at the "Taking Every Thought Captive" part. But you see, I know the goal isn't perfection because we'll never attain it this side of heaven. The goal is the journey. The blessing is seeing where I am compared to where I was. The blessing is seeing God respond in the quiet whispers of my heart because that day I took the time to listen. The blessing is knowing that although today didn't go as I had planned, there's still tomorow.

When we start making "praying without ceasing" too complicated or give up before we even start because the task seems impossible, we completely miss out. God wants our relationship, not to be a part of our daily to-do list. Jesus said in Matthew 11:30, "For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Our daily walk with God is not to be a burden, but a blessing. And God just waits to bless us for our obedience and our yearning to know him more and more.

Be Careful Where You Visit

2008-06-10T21:07:00.003-05:00

Focal verse: "And it came about at that time, that Judah departed from his brothers and visited a certain Adullamite, whose name was Hirah" (Genesis 38:1 NASB).

Through preparing for my Wednesday night Bible study lesson on Tamar, the daughter-in-law of Judah, I have been surprisingly enthralled with the story of Judah himself. Judah had a long period of rebellion, but overall my heart has been softened reading about the man whose descendants would include King David and Jesus Christ himself.

Looking at the opening verse of Genesis chapter 38, we see that Judah left his father and his brothers. The only clue we see of why he departed from his family is the timing: "at that time." Reflecting on chapter 37, you see the famous Bible story of Joseph being sold into slavery by his brothers. Although the eldest Reuben is most known for wanting to spare Joseph's life, Judah is just as determined to prevent Joseph's murder. For some reason Reuben departs from the brothers temporarily, and it is Judah who comes up with a plan to save Joseph's life. Now I'm not excusing Judah's plan to sell his brother to the Ishmaelites. This was most definitely wrong. But you see in his argument to the brothers that his desire was to spare Joseph's life: "Judah said to his brothers, 'What profit is it for us to kill our brother and cover up his blood? Come and let us sell him to the Ishmaelites and not lay our hands on him, for he is our brother, our own flesh.' And his brothers listened to him."

After this, Judah along with his brothers had to share the devastating news with their father. The brothers lied to him, telling him Joseph was dead. Then Judah and the brothers saw what their actions did to their father. I can only imagine all of the emotions young Judah felt. Matthew Henry suggests that he was only 15 or 16 at the time. He felt guilt for his role in the ruse to get rid of Joseph. He felt sorrow for his father, who only about a year after losing his beloved wife, he had to lose his favorite son. Yet, he also could have felt bitterness that Joseph was loved so much more than he and the rest of his brothers were. Judah had had enough. All of this was just too much for this young man to handle. So he had to get away.

Circumstances in life sometimes make us want to do the same. Sometimes we just want to go so far away and come back when life is better. Feeling a need to withdraw after intense stress is completely natural. Even Jesus did it. But the difference between Jesus Christ and his ancestor Judah was to whom they went when they felt the need to withdraw.

Jesus went to his Father. On the heels of the murder of John the Baptist, Jesus withdrew to pray. John the Baptist was not only Jesus's cousin, he was also his friend. He was the one person who knew Jesus the best at that time. He was his predecessor who had given his life to preparing the way for Jesus. The loss of John the Baptist hit Jesus hard. But what did he do? "When Jesus heard what had happened, he withdrew by boat privately to a solitary place" (Matthew 14:13). Although this verse doesn't specify he went to the Father, you can look at another time he went to a "solitary place" and be assured that this is most likely exactly what he did: "Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed" (Mark 1:35).

Whereas Jesus went to his Father when he needed to withdraw, Judah went the opposite direction. He went to Hirah, a Canaanite. This is the first mention of Hirah so we don't know where Judah first met him, but we assume they were friends. Going to our friends when tragedy strikes isn't a bad thing. It becomes a snare when those friends are not dedicated to God and can influence us in the wrong direction. According to the New American Standard Version, Judah "visited" his friend Hirah. This tells me that he didn't intend to settle there. He probably just wanted to take a "road trip" to get his head back on straight.

But something happened on his "visit." He met a woman and married her, and instead of taking her back to his family, he settled there. She birthed him 3 sons. The first one, Er, was so wicked the Lord "put him to death." This is the first account in Scripture of the Lord putting an individual to death for his sins. That tells me not only how evil Er was, but also that Judah didn't instill the fear of God into him. Then his second son, Onan, committed a wicked act, and the Lord put him to death as well. So much for one rebellious child. The fact that two of Judah's sons were so evil the Lord had to put them to death tells me that Judah - whose name meant "praise the Lord" -had strayed incredibly far from his God.

But God didn't forget him. After he refused to give his third son in marriage to Tamar, as was the custom, Tamar trapped him by disguising herself as a prostitute and slept with him. She became pregnant by him, and ultimately he repented for his actions and returned to his father's household, a respected leader among his brothers and blessed by his father on his father's deathbed.

The story of Judah is an amazing one to study. You see a hint of righteousness in the midst of bad decisions in his teen years. You see a long period of rebellion in a land away from his family. But then you see him return to his family and his God and ultimately be the father of the mighty tribe of Judah, from where the Messiah comes. Incidentally, the line of David and Jesus did not come from Judah's third son Shelah. It came from the son he bore through the incestuous tryst with Tamar. It is so amazing how God can and will still bring good out of our mistakes.

Judah's story and his weakness can be our example. Even if we just plan to "visit" somewhere that God isn't, we could easily be snared to "live" there a lot longer than we had ever anticipated. And although God is always there to rescue a repentant heart, we would save ourselves - and our Father - the grief not to go "visit" there in the first place.

But You Have Said

2008-06-07T13:18:00.003-05:00

Focal Verses: Then Jacob prayed, "O God of my father Abraham, God of my father Isaac, O LORD, who said to me, 'Go back to your country and your relatives, and I will make you prosper,' I am unworthy of all the kindness and faithfulness you have shown your servant. I had only my staff when I crossed this Jordan, but now I have become two groups. Save me, I pray, from the hand of my brother Esau, for I am afraid he will come and attack me, and also the mothers with their children. But you have said, 'I will surely make you prosper and will make your descendants like the sand of the sea, which cannot be counted.' " (Genesis 32:9-12, emphasis mine)

Have you ever received news of a possible impending tragedy that made you panic in fear? This type of thing isn't pleasant to think about, but it's even less pleasant to experience. My family has had its share of these instances in the last year. Last July, my father-in-law was diagnosed with a rare form of liver cancer, and at times the prognosis wasn't good. Then in January, in the midst my father-in-law's fight, my husband was laid off from his job. Six weeks later, he was blessed with a job, but then six weeks after that, he was told his office was shutting down. We had the option to transfer out of state but chose not to, so he is currently on the job-hunt again.

I'll never forget hearing my husband tell me about his dad over the phone. I can't forget the clarity of that day and every event, whether large or small. I'll never forget when my husband came to my work and told me he had been laid off. I'll never forget when he called me to tell me his office was shutting down and that he would be facing unemployment for the second time in 4 months. When those types of events happen, it's natural to panic. It's natural to question God. But in the midst of the panic, we need to be equipped to handle a tragedy when it comes our way.

I find so much comfort in how Jacob handled such news. He had been in Haran with his father-in-law, wives, and children, when God told him to leave Haran and travel back to his home country. Without question, Jacob did it.

At first glance, this journey seems to bear no significance except for Jacob to return to the land God promised him. But if we look a little deeper, we will see that this journey probably caused Jacob much anxiety. You see, going back to his homeland meant an almost certain encounter with his brother, who decades earlier wanted to kill him for deceiving their father and stealing Esau's rightful blessing as firstborn. Looking at the map to see Jacob's journey from Haran to Beersheeba, where he eventually settled, the land where Esau lived wasn't far off the path. And since his father Isaac was still alive in Beersheeba, a reunion with his brother was an almost certainty.

We don't know if worry consumed his thoughts like it does mine, but I have to think it probably did. But then on his way, angels of God met Jacob, and he received comfort from them. According to Matthew Henry's commentary, this comfort was preplanned by God: "The angels of God appeared to Jacob, to encourage him with the assurance of the Divine protection. When God designs his people for great trials, he prepares them by great comforts."

After this encounter, Jacob decided to be proactive in regard to Esau. According to Genesis 32:3-5, "Jacob sent messengers ahead of him to his brother Esau in the land of Seir, the country of Edom. He instructed them: "This is what you are to say to my master Esau: 'Your servant Jacob says, I have been staying with Laban and have remained there till now. I have cattle and donkeys, sheep and goats, menservants and maidservants. Now I am sending this message to my lord, that I may find favor in your eyes.'"

At first glance this message from Jacob to Esau appears to be one big attempt to "kiss up" to Esau by offering him animals and servants. But as Matthew Henry points out, this message is probably designed for Esau to know that Jacob wasn't coming to demand his birthright. If you recall, Esau gave up his birthright for a pot of stew when they were younger, and since Jacob fled for Haran with nothing, he clearly hadn't "cashed in" on it.

I imagine Jacob probably had trouble concentrating on much else as he awaited his messengers' return. He had no idea how Esau would respond. But then, at last, the messengers returned, but it wasn't with good news. "We went to your brother Esau, and now he is coming to meet you, and four hundred men are with him" (verse 6).

Jacob panicked. All his worst fears were coming at him all at once. Esau's army will slaughter my whole family. God's plan for a mighty nation will be thwarted. Nothing good will come of this. The New American Standard Bible says Jacob "was greatly afraid and distressed." And in the same sentence he quickly devised a plan. He divided his family and everyone with him into two groups, so at least one group could possibly get away while the other was being annhilated. There didn't seem to be a favorable outcome here.

But then, after Jacob panicked, he did something that we all need to look to as the ultimate example. He prayed...but he not only prayed, he recalled God's promises. Look back again at the focal verses for today. Note the order of his prayer:

Verse 9: He acknowledged God and who God was. He "reminded" God that he was doing what God had commanded. Then he "reminded" God that He said if Jacob obeyed, he would prosper.

Verse 10: He humbles himself before God, acknowledging that everything he has is because of the grace of God and not of himself.

Verse 11: He presents his request.

Verse 12: He "reminded" God once again of His promise: "But you have said...."

Jacob's prayer is an excellent example of what we can do when terrifying circumstances present themselves. By acknowledging - and worshipping - God, humbling ourselves and recognizing everything we have comes from him anyway, presenting our request, and resting in God's promises, we can have a peace that truly transcends all understanding (Philippians 4:7).

When Jacob did this, I believe he experienced peace. But his circumstances didn't go away immediately. He kept planning. He selected gifts for Esau, sent more messengers, and proactively worked to gain Esau's favor. That brings us to another lesson from this story. Trusting in God doesn't necessarily mean doing nothing. Yes, sometimes God will tell us to just be still and trust him, but other times we are to continue working to resolve circumstances. How do we know the difference? The first thing is to tune in to God, ask him what we are to do, if anything. Then we can look at our options. Does any action present itself as a way to end the circumstance? (With my family it was my father-in-law going for chemotherapy and my husband applying for jobs.) If nothing presents itself, that probably means that we are to be still and wait...and not give in to worry. When worry strikes, we whip out the promises of God. Satan uses worry to keep our focus on our circumstances and off of God. Ephesians 6:12 says, "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." The last thing our enemy wants us to do is keep our eyes on God, trusting in His provision, and many times planting the seeds of worry and fear is his best weapon.

Two nights passed between his faithful prayer and meeting with Esau. Thankfully, this story has a happy ending. Esau met Jacob with love and acceptance. Obviously not every situation is going to have a happy ending, and I don't have the wisdom or knowledge to even try to address the "whys." But what I do know is that God gladly gives peace to those who faithfully recall his promises and pray them.

Isaiah 26:3 says, "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you." How do we attain - and retain - this peace in the midst of terrifying circumstances? According to this verse, we are to trust in God and keep a steadfast mind. How do we keep a steadfast mind? By filling our mind with God's Word. It's not easy, but through all of my experiences in the past year, I can testify that it works. God's Word is amazing.

Here are a few promises to get you started:

Jeremiah 29:11: For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Romans 8:28: And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Psalm 23:4: Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

Psalm 37:5-6: Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

John 14:1: Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me.

Deuteronomy 31:8: The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.

My prayer is that we all will use the love letter of God's Word and his promises to keep our eyes on Him when terrifying circumstances arise.

Removing a Hindrance

2008-06-04T20:47:00.006-05:00

Focal Verse: "Then the man said, 'Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with men and have overcome.'" (Genesis 32:28)

This summer the ladies in our Wednesday night Mom's Bible Study are studying Women of the Bible. While I was preparing for a lesson on Leah and Rachel, I couldn't help but see something peculiar in my reading as I was studying about Jacob, Leah and Rachel's husband. The conclusion I've made about this peculilarity may or may not be correct, but I am certain the lesson is absolutely applicable. Bear with me a little on this one. We'll be going through a lot of necessary background before getting to the point.

In Genesis chapter 32, nestled between Jacob preparing to encounter his estranged brother Esau and his meeting up with Esau in chapter 33, is the story of Jacob wrestling with God. Although the passage isn't the easiest to understand, the point I want to focus on is God renaming Jacob, whose name means "he grasps the heal" or "he deceives." His new name, Israel, is what God chose to call his beloved nation.

Looking back a few chapters, we see that God renamed the patriarch of this nation, Abraham (who was Abram) and the matriarch Sarah (who was Sarai). Immediately after renaming them, they are both referred to by the narrator with their new names.

However, if you look at the events after Jacob wrestling with God and being renamed Israel, he was still referred to as Jacob. He wasn't referred to as Israel until Genesis 35:21. Looking at the placement of this change, it came on the heels of Jacob burying his beloved wife Rachel, who tragically lost her life in childbirth. He wasn't called Israel until after Rachel died.

Go with me on a sidenote for a second for a little more background on Rachel. You see little of Rachel's character in the Scripture, so it's hard to know if she was a godly woman. I have my doubts. What you do see of her is fighting with her sister Leah over having children. Even her motivations for wanting children seem questionable. After all, when her servant Bilhah had Jacob's second son, Rachel named him Naphtali, because she had "struggled with her sister and won." Also, when she finally was able to give birth herself, she named her son Joseph, which means "may he add," because as soon as Joseph came out she was wishing for another. But to cap it all off, Rachel stole her father Laban's gods as they were about to flee from him. And when her father came to look for them, she deceived her father to hide them. This doesn't sound like a woman who is dependent on God Almighty.

So that brings us back to Jacob. Jacob was in love with Rachel and in total worked 14 years just to have her as his wife. Even as Rachel was dying in childbirth and named her second son Ben-Oni, which means "son of my trouble," Jacob named him Benjamin, which means, "son of my right hand." Although Rachel's devotion to God may be a little hard to distinguish according to Scripture, Jacob's devotion to Rachel was crystal clear.

That brings me to a truth that is absolutely Scriptural, whether or not my theology on this particular instance is correct. Sometimes God may need us to sever a relationship with someone close to us for him to do his complete work in us. It's a very real possibility Rachel was a stumbling block to Jacob. She had his heart, but her own heart was divided in any kind of devotion to God.

(Now, before I go any further, I want to make it clear that I am NOT talking about severing a marital relationship. I firmly believe Scripture is clear that divorce is only permissable with infidelity, and even then I believe God desires to restore and heal the marriage in a way only He can. God is clear on His stance on marital vows. Instead, here I am talking about other relationships that may be a hindrance to us.)

Jesus said in Matthew 5:30, "And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell." Obviously Jesus was using the hand as a metaphor, but his point was clear. Whatever causes us to sin, or separates us from God, or keeps us from doing God's work, needs to be cut off.

That might mean putting distance between a good friend and yourself. It might be ending a relationship entirely. It might mean finding another job if you're tempted to pursue an extramarital relationship in the workplace.

And on the opposite spectrum, it could mean separating from a spiritual colaborer so you can each be more effective in God's work if you worked separately.

After Jacob left Rachel's tomb, he traveled and settled in the Promised Land, the place God had planned for him all along. One reason I question my example of Jacob and Rachel is because even after he is referred to as Israel, the narrator switches back and forth between both names in the events succeeding this one. However, I still believe we can gain a valuable lesson through this presumption. Sometimes we will be required to give up that to which we cling in order to flourish in our spiritual Promised Land, being mightily used by God.

The Treasure in Our Closet

2008-06-02T21:08:00.002-05:00

Focal Verse: "How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!" Psalm 119:103

A few weeks ago, my toddler came down with a cough. Not uncommon for him, we attributed it to allergies as usual. We medicated him with prescription cough and allergy medicine and waited for it to go away after a few days.

Two and a half weeks later, we were getting concerned. The medicine, along with other over-the-counter allergy and cough medicines a nurse suggested when we called the week before, wasn't helping. So at my husband's insistence, I called to get Drew in to see his pediatrician. I was transferred to a nurse I haven't talked to before, who told me that the peditrician was booked that day (a Friday). She told me to put a humidifier in his room. No matter how many times I tried to protest - but it has been almost 3 weeks!...but we have given him every medicine suggested!... but he has been coughing for almost 3 weeks! - she became more adamant about the humidifier and told me that if they did have an opening, the doctor would tell us the same thing.

I was not a happy first-time mommy after this conversation. A humidifier? We got one when Drew was a baby and used it a couple of times, but it never seemed to help then. It was just a waste of time and energy. But reluctantly, I dug deep into our linen closet and pulled out the thing. I wasn't even sure how to work it, so my husband had to help me. I'll try this over the weekend, I thought, and when it doesn't work, I'm calling to get him an appointment on Monday.

On Saturday, Drew's coughs miraculously became less and less frequent. By Sunday he was even better. Amazing! I let my baby cough for almost 3 weeks trying everything I knew when the one thing that was needed was right there in my closet.

I think that's sometimes how we view our Bibles. We start having problems in our lives, and we tend to try everything we know. We talk to friends. Immerse ourselves in our hobby. Eat for comfort. Drown out the world in a good TV show. But even after we've tried all of those things, the problems are still there. We don't even think that the solution may be in our closet...or in our car since we only get it out on Sundays anyway.

We don't even think of our Bibles because, well, we've tried it before, and it never worked. Maybe we've tried reading the Bible through but got stuck somewhere between Leviticus and Numbers in all of the laws and learning who begat whom. Maybe we're still using a version that bears no resemblance to how we speak and learn. Whatever the reason, we've given up on really believing that the Bible could ever make a difference in our lives.

If you are like many who can identify, you may wonder how you can get started really allowing God to transform your life through his Word. Like I had to do with the humidifier, you need to dust off your Bible. First, I believe it is important to evaluate the version you're using. If you're using a version with old engligh language, you may want to go to a more understandable translation.

Second, make a plan. Here are some suggestions, but feel free to enlist the advice of a pastor, Sunday School teacher, or an associate at your Bible bookstore:

1. Select a daily devotional. Many churches have these available for free every month.
2. Start reading the Psalms. You can start with Psalm 119, which has lots of verses about the importance of the Word of God in everyday life.
3. Read Proverbs, a chapter per day.
4. Choose one of the letters of Paul. My favorite is Philippians.
5. Read the Gospels. What is a better way to get to know how to be like Christ than to study how he lived?
6. Consider a Chronological Bible. This puts the chapters of the Bible into the order that scholars believe they actually happened. I particularly enjoy reading about David and reading his Psalms in light of the circumstances by which he wrote them.
7. Delve into a Bible Study. Beth Moore's studies are amazing but the lessons take longer than others. Priscilla Shirer's studies equip you to study the Bible on your own, and she suggests verses to study yourself.

Remember, the purpose of reading the Word of God isn't so you can do your duty to God for that day. If you read chapter after chapter but close your Bible gaining nothing, what difference did it make? Even if you only read a few verses but God tells you exactly what he has for you that day, that's an effective Bible study! Before you start reading, ask God to reveal what he wants to say to you. God longs to speak to us! He only wants us to listen!

If we truly take in and breathe the Word of God, we will be changed.

"For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." (Hebrews 4:12)

Sweet Spot

2008-05-30T14:28:00.003-05:00

Focal Verse: “The Spirit has given each of us a special way of serving others” (1 Cor. 12:7 CEV).

I just finished reading Max Lucado’s book Cure for the Common Life. Before opening the cover (and after only reading the title), I fully expected the book to be about contentment. After all, whom of us after living the same routine day after day, week after week, doesn’t need a healthy dose of contentment?

After opening the cover, however, I discovered that my assumptions were incorrect. While contentment is something we can all use a little more of, Max went beyond teaching us to be content with where we are and gently pushed his readers to reevaluate whether we are living in our sweet spot.

Sweet spot. According to Max, our sweet spot is “a zone, a region, a life precinct in which you were made to dwell. He tailed the curves of your life to fit an empty space in his jigsaw puzzle. And life makes sense when you find your spot.”

You see, God didn’t create us to tarry on in a mundane life, day after day, just to get by. He made us to live in our sweet spot, where we will use the talents and interests he gave us to glorify him and to have fun doing it!

Do you know your sweet spot? If not, look at your life. What do you do well? What brings you joy? You’ll find your sweet spot when you identify the things you do well that you also love.

Once you’ve identified your sweet spot, realize that God created you in this special way to glorify him. “The Spirit has given each of us a special way of serving others” (1 Cor. 12:7 CEV).

Sure, God will call us to do things on occasion that aren't necessarily in our sweet spot. But he will also equip us for those tasks. I'm convinced he has called us to "live" in our sweet spot, and "visit" those places that aren't.

Let me give you an example. My "sweet spot" is studying, writing, teaching, and organizing events (not to be confused with organizing the house, as my husband would quickly point out). If I had it my way, every second of every day would be spent on these tasks, and I would be happily serving God in the area he called me to live. But there are times when God calls me to do things not in my sweet spot. For instance, when Drew was a few months old, I noticed that the same three couples were rotating in our church nursery during the morning worship service. I felt bad that these couples were missing out on worship every three weeks. Now I'll tell you that although I love my baby, working in the nursery is far from my sweet spot. But I saw the need and my husband and I agreed to put ourselves on the rotation. It wasn't easy. In fact, it got harder. When we signed up, another couple dropped out, and at the same time there was a "baby boom" of sorts in our church, so four people ended up having to be in the nursery most weeks. This meant that those of us who helped in the nursery ended up working in it 2 out of every 3 weeks, which was not a fun job for me. Yet, the need was there. God was bringing in new couples with babies, and this was a ministry we needed to help with.

Yes, sometimes true servanthood will require sacrifices and it won't always be the most desirable tasks. After all, I doubt Jesus felt that feet-washing was his sweet spot. What if he allowed someone else to take on that task while he continued in his sweet spot of teaching? If we see a need that God calls us to meet that doesn't fit with our sweet spot, we are not to excuse ourselves from the responsibility.

But I'm convinced that God called us to spend most of our time and energy serving in the areas in which we were equipped. As Paul says, "We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully" (Romans 12:6-8).

By identifying our sweet spot, we first recognize that God is the author of it. He is the one who gave us these talents, abilities, and desires, for His purpose. Then we can seek where God wants to use these gifts. Finally, when we are living in our sweet spot, we are enjoying the life God created for us and we're serving and glorifying Him. What could be sweeter?

Prayer of the Righteous

2008-05-27T14:09:00.003-05:00

Focal Verse: "So when God destroyed the cities of the plain, he remembered Abraham, and he brought Lot out of the catastrophe that overthrew the cities where Lot had lived." Genesis 19:29

My son is now at the stage where he wants to talk but only can enunciate a handful of words. As much as I can't wait for his vocabulary to increase, I've been warned that once he starts to talk, he won't stop. I've been warned of the barrage of incessant questions a curious toddler throws at a defenseless parent.

In Genesis 18, Abraham's conversation with God bears a resemblance to the conversation of a curious toddler. God tells Abraham he is going to go see if the sin of Sodom and Gomorrah is as bad as the outcry against it. Abraham, knowing his close relative Lot is living in Sodom, starts questioning God, "What if there are 50 righteous people in the city? Will you sweep away the righteous with the wicked?" God answers that he will not. Not content with that answer, Abraham goes on to ask God the same questions over and over. "What if there are 45 righteous people?... 40 righteous people?... 30 righteous people?... 20 righteous people?... 10 righteous people?" With each question, God gives the same answer, ending with "For the sake of 10 righteous people, I will not destroy it."

Humor me for a side note here. We know that God destroyed the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah the very next day, and looking at Abraham's conversation with God, we know that God promised he wouldn't destroy the cities if he found 10 righteous people. The very fact that the cities were destroyed tells us that there were not 10 righteous people in the city. I find it interesting that God showed no signs of impatience with Abraham and his repeated questioning. He knew Abraham's heart was pure, and he was only asking because he was worried about his dear nephew Lot and his family. In the last verse of chapter 18, it says, "When the Lord has finished speaking with Abraham...." I just wonder if Abraham wasn't finished with his questioning. Looking forward, we see the the only ones spared were Lot, his wife (for a short time), and his two daughters. My count is 4. Unless Abraham was thinking of Lot's other daughters and sons-in-law (which we don't know the number), perhaps he was going to keep going from 10 to 8 to 6 to 4 to 2 to 1, in his questioning. But after 10 righteous people, God ended the conversation. God knew he had to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah, and he also knew Abraham's heart.

We can look at Abraham's prayer like this. He wanted to convince God not to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah. He knew Lot and his family had built homes there. He was concerned for their safety. He didn't want them to lose their homes and their way of life. We can assume Abraham thought of Lot as a righteous man by this prayer. (Also, looking forward to chapter 19, the angels were greeted by Lot at the city gate. Not a small detail, the men sitting at the city gate in that time were elders in the city and sometimes judges. Even though the city was wicked, for some reason - we hope because of his righteousness - he was held in high regard.)

God went to great lengths to save Lot and his family, even though I tend to think that the righteousness Lot had when he was in Abraham's company had probably been marred by living in the sinful city of Sodom. Not unlike us, he was easily influenced by the wealth and promise that Sodom offered. You know his heart wasn't completely devoted to God even at the moment God was trying to save him. Although he tried to convince his sons-in-law to escape with him, when they wouldn't and the angels said, "It's time!", Lot hesitated. He had to be pulled away from the city by the angels. And when they told him to go to the hills, he argued with them, asking to go to a small town. Lot wasn't reacting righteously at the most critical moment.

That takes us back to why God spared Lot. Clearly he didn't want to go. His heart was divided by what he knew he should do and what he wanted to do. I believe Abraham's simple child-like prayer is the key to Lot's survival. Read Genesis 19:29 again: "So when God destroyed the cities of the plain, he remembered Abraham, and he brought Lot out of the catastrophe that overthrew the cities where Lot had lived. (emphasis mine)"

It did not say, "So when God destroyed the cities of the plain, he remembered Lot's righteousness and brought Lot and his family out of the catastrophe that overthrew the cities where Lot had lived."

Even though it took some background to get to this point, I believe it is well worth it. The words of James thousands of years later rings true to Abraham's prayer: "The prayer of the righteous man is powerful and effective." (James 5:16)

How many times do we say we're going to pray for someone but the prayer never makes its way from our minds to our God? How many times do we want to pray for someone but don't even bother because we don't think it will make a difference anyway? I have to admit I'm guilty of both.

Yet we look at Abraham's simple, child-like prayer, and we see that God honored it. He didn't do exactly what Abraham asked. Abraham wanted the cities to be spared, but God had a different plan. He had to destroy the cities, but he saved the ones that were on Abraham's heart, even though the Bible doesn't show any evidence that Lot's name was even mentioned in this prayer.

I'm hoping that by remembering Abraham's humble prayer, I can have the faith to approach the "God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob," with the people I need to pray for. I can also have the peace of mind that although God may not answer my prayer in the way I had in mind, he will honor the prayer of his child.

I'll conclude with a verse from 1 Samuel 12:23a: "As for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the LORD by failing to pray for you."

To Live is Christ

2008-05-25T14:39:00.002-05:00

On this Memorial Day, I would like to pay tribute to my longtime childhood friend, Michael Goins, who lost his life in August 2004. The following is something I wrote shortly after.

Focal Passage: "For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain." Philippians 1:21 (NIV)
Background Passage: Philippians 1:20-26

When your country is at war, your whole view of life changes. Suddenly life isn't all about what you do for a living, how much money you make, or your path to achieving the "American Dream." Even the mindset of the growing Christian changes somewhat. This is especially true when people close to you are fighting the war and even dying in the war. Sometimes your faith in God is challenged. And hopefully, these challenges will spur a deeper knowledge of God and his purpose for life.

In August of last year I lost one of my best childhood friends to the war. The common question, "Why, God?" wasn't absent from my prayers. Michael was a growing Christian, a light to all around him. A second lieutenant, he prayed for his troops and shared his faith when the opportunity arose. Why God chose to take this beacon of light home still doesn't quite register for me, but I've come to trust in God's sovereignty and be at peace with it.

Last month, a co-worker of mine, Eric, whom I've grown close to as well, stepped foot in Iraq for his tour of duty. I communicate with him often and pray for him daily.

One day I was praying for Eric's and his troops' protection, and I realized that I was praying the same prayer I prayed for Michael. The irony disturbed me somewhat. Then a verse came to mind that I had heard since childhood: "To live is Christ and to die is gain." (Phil. 1:21) I've never fully understood that verse. The strict grammar person that I am, I've always found the wording of it quite odd. Then I decided that God brought that verse to mind for a reason and I needed to research it more thoroughly. I looked up the verse online in 19 different versions, and it's funny because only a handful of those versions had any different verbiage for that verse. However, I found one that I felt truly conveyed the intentions of Paul in writing that verse: "Alive, I'm Christ's messenger; dead, I'm his bounty. Life versus even more life! I can't lose." (The Message) What a joyous verse! This version opened my eyes to a verse I've heard since I was young.

Our true home is in heaven with Christ. So to die truly is gain. But for the time that God leaves us here on earth, we have a mission to accomplish. A mission to love and glorify God. A mission to share Christ with others. A mission to be the light of Christ to all around us. And when we go to be with Christ, we will hear him say, like I know Michael did, "Well done, my good and faithful servant."

(Eric returned home after 12 months in Iraq. Shortly after his return, he was promoted to Captain. He and his wife Karla welcomed a their first child, a baby boy, in January. Eric continues to work with me, and he is still active in the Army Reserves.)

Our Superhero

2008-05-20T21:01:00.002-05:00

Focal Verse: "The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners" Isaiah 61:1

Have you noticed that our culture has an obsession with superheroes? From the comic books young children have read for decades to the blockbuster movies of our day, we're fascinated with the extrordinary "among us" who save the day. I say "we're fascinated" because I am one of them.

A couple of years ago, my husband got me hooked on Smallville, the television show based on the teenage years of Clark Kent (aka Superman). Even to this day, this 27-year-old Mom can't miss an episode. What is it that's so enticing about superheroes? For me, it's their inherent goodness. Their ability to go beyond human limitations. Their humility and willingness to risk their lives to save a stranger. Their propensity to defend the defenseless. And, of course, you can't dismiss the fact that they're usually rather attractive with a beautiful (or handsome) romantic interest. We can get so involved in the show that we wish our real world could have real life superhero.

Yet... we do. We have our very own superhero in Jesus Christ. First, he's inherently good. ("Such a high priest meets our need—one who is holy, blameless, pure, set apart from sinners, exalted above the heavens." Hebrews 7:26)

Second, his abilities go beyond human limitations ("'Where did this man get these things?' they asked. 'What's this wisdom that has been given him, that he even does miracles!'" Mark 6:3a)

Third, he was the portrait of humility and not only risked his life but gave his life for us "(Who, being in very nature of God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death— even death on a cross!" Philippians 2:6-8).

Fourth, Jesus defends us when we cannot defend ourselves ("Therefore he is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them" Hebrews 7:25).

And finally, we can't forget the bond of a divine romance that is available to all of us. Jesus loves us so much he not only died for us but he also calls himself a bridegroom and us his bride. ("Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready." Revelation 19:7)

How amazing! We have our very own "superhero" who LOVES us! who DEFENDS us! who RESCUED us! who DIED for us! who will SAVE us!

One final thought... Could it be that our culture's obsession with superheroes could be born out of our innate need for a Savior?

Miracle of the Moment

2008-05-13T19:26:00.004-05:00

Focal Verse: "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own" Matthew 6:33-34

Isn't it funny how we can sing every word of a familiar song, and yet the words go straight from our heads to our lips and completely bypass our hearts? Then one day we hear the song, maybe in light of a new circumstance, and we finally "hear" it for the first time.

This happened to me last week. Steven Curtis Chapman's song Miracle of the Moment came on the radio. For the first time, these powerful lyrics hit me.

You see, at this moment, my family is in somewhat of a holding pattern, waiting for circumstances to change so we can land at our destination. About a month ago, my husband's company decided to close down the branch he was working at. He had the opportunity to take a transfer to a branch 6 hours away, but after much prayer and contemplation, we decided not to move. Since then, he has been pursuing a couple of local opportunities, but neither company has been in any hurry to make a decision. So we are waiting for God to provide my husband a job.

On my side of things, I yearn to delve more into writing and teaching, but with working the hours I do, I simply don't have enough time to devote to my passion. I am waiting for God to work out my circumstances so I am free to give more of myself to pursue what I feel he made me to do.

These last few weeks, unknowingly, my mindset has become that of "just get through each day until God provides the next thing." I realized that while I feel I'm doing a pretty good job trusting God with our future, I'm doing a terrible job of being content now. I have looked at each day as a day to mark off my calendar, not as day to make the most of.

So you can probably see why these lyrics hit me pretty hard:

There’s a wonder in the here and now
It’s right there in front of you
And I don’t want you to miss
The miracle of the moment
There’s only one who knows
What’s really out there waiting
In all the moments yet to be
And all we need to know
Is He’s out there waiting
To Him the future’s history
And He has given us a treasure called right now
And this is the only moment we can do anything about

I had to realize that God isn't "waiting" for anything. He could provide everything for us right now if he wanted to. But there is obviously a reason we are waiting. I am realizing that by simply looking at each day as a day to endure and get through, I could miss so much. Having my head in the clouds of my future, I could miss the opportunity to minister to someone. I could fail to appreciate the little things my son is doing at this stage of his life. I could miss little lessons like these that could help me the rest of my life!

Like me, is there something you're waiting for, that once it happens, all will be well? We can't forget that God's timing is perfect! There is a purpose for our waiting. If you recall King David, he was first anointed king in 1 Samuel 16. But he didn't become king until 2 Samuel 5 -- 18 chapters later! If you skim through those chapters, you see he isn't sitting on his hands, waiting for God to oust Saul from the throne and fulfill his promise. He was working! He was fighting for his people, seeking God, and writing many of the Psalms we read today.

I hope to take after David's example, and not only trust God with our future, but also look for the miracles in the here and now.

A Tale of Three Mother's Days

2008-05-11T17:43:00.004-05:00

Focal verse: "It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up." Ephesians 4:11-12

My first Mother's Day was full of excitement and anticipation. I was six months pregnant and felt joy with every kick in my tummy. I had prayed for Drew and couldn't wait until August, when I would welcome him into my arms. My mom and mother-in-law gave me thoughtful gifts for my "first" Mother's Day, and although that little detail escaped my husband, I wasn't letting anything ruin this day. I longed for the next Mother's Day when I would officially be a mommy.

Yet my second Mother's Day was nothing like I expected the year before. After a difficult postpartum period of adjustment and depression, I spent most of Drew's first nine months trying to keep my head above water. Though I loved Drew dearly, I didn't enjoy the "baby" stage. I know many who love the baby stage will gasp at this statement, but I will venture to say it anyway. Most of the time the baby stage bored me. I wanted him to grow up so I could play ball with him, teach him his ABCs, have a conversation with him. So on my second Mother's Day, all I wanted was a break. Guilt encompassed this day like none other. It was my first Mother's Day, for heaven's sake! I should want to be with my child. Instead, I just wanted some alone time. I thought, "What kind of mother am I?" On a day where I was supposed to enjoy the blessings of being a mother, I felt like such a failure.

A year later, my perspective has changed quite a bit. This last year Drew has grown from the crawler to the runner. From the crier to the almost-talker. From the bottle to the fork and spoon. From the stage I didn't care for to the stage I love. When last year all I wanted was a break, this year all I wanted to do is spend time with my precious boy. While last year I felt like such a failure, this year I feel like a pretty good mom.

What changed? I realized that just because I wasn't fond of the baby stage, that didn't mean I was a bad mom. Just because I didn't end up being the kind of mom I expected to be, that doesn't mean that I can't embrace the mom I am.

For any mom reading this, next time you face a time of insecurity (because we all do from time to time), remember that God chose to give you the child you have because no one is better equipped to rear that child than you. And when you face times that go against your natural strengths, know that God will provide for you and your child. For me, God provided my mom and mother-in-law, who were able to fill in where I couldn't. I know that with Drew not even 2 yet, I have lots more stages to go through, and the next time I feel ill-equipped, I'll be able to embrace who I am and allow God to provide the rest.

Who knows what my fourth Mother's Day will bring. God-willing, I'll look at my 2 1/2 year old with all of the love in my heart, and then glance at another baby bump and know that with God's help, I will get through the baby stage once again. But this time, I won't have any doubt that I am a pretty good mom.

Time for Encouragement

2008-05-11T12:08:00.004-05:00

Focal verse: "Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, 'Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?' And I said, 'Here am I. Send me!'" Isaiah 6:8

I was driving down the road one day during my lunch break, heading to my mom's house to see my son Drew, just like I have done almost every day since he was born. I was listening to K-Love, my favorite Christian radio station, like every other day. Sometimes the station airs call-ins from listeners, and this call-in struck me.

It was from a pastor's wife, who had been grappling with unnamed struggles. She said she was up at 3 a.m. unable to sleep, questioning God, "Do you see what I'm going through? Are you paying attention? Are you going to help me?" I can't remember her exact words, but they were obvious words of exasperation.

The next day, she said, out of the blue, someone called her, asking if there was anything she needed prayer for. She said at that moment, she realized God was speaking through this person, telling her that he hadn't forgotten about her. He was encouraging her through this person during this diffucult time.

While her reason for calling in was to share and to remind us how much God cares about every little detail in our lives, I started thinking about the person who called her. She didn't indicate that this person was particularly close to her. This person didn't seem to have any idea what she was going through. But this person was sensitive enough to the leading of the Holy Spirit, and He used her to encourage His struggling child.

How many times lately have I encouraged someone simply because I was sensitive to the Lord's leading? I didn't want to answer that question. Between working more than 45 hours per week, taking care of my house and my toddler son, and teaching a Bible Study on Wednesday nights, how in the world would I fit in time to be still and let God show me how he wanted to use me in everyday life?

That's when I realized it's not a matter of finding time but instead a matter of preparing the heart. It's a matter of in the course of the everyday, even if it's just in the car on the way to one of our many commitments, pausing, and asking God, "Show me who needs your encouragement today. Show me where you are at work and how you would like me to join you."

How many times does God yearn to use us to encourage someone else, but it doesn't get done simply because we just weren't listening?

Peace for the Perfectionist

2008-05-10T21:16:00.000-05:00

Focal Verse: "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

I am a perfectionist in many areas of my life. Probably the one area in which I strive to be perfect is the one area in which I will never even be close to being perfect. That area is my Christian walk. When I was saved at the age of ten, I started a daily quiet time with God. Through the years, I've strove to be God's perfect little soldier and "be all I could be."

The problem? I am nowhere NEAR perfect. And when I'm reminded of that, frankly, I get dejected, distraught, and downright depressed. Being all I could be won't cut it. I'm a flawed, sinful being. Even my best is nowhere near the holiness of God.

But in the midst of my realization of my flawed self, 1 Corinthians 12:9 brings peace, joy, and hope! My weaknesses are prime opportunity for God to work! I can look back at where a weakness was revealed to me and how the Holy Spirit turned that weakness into a victory, and I only praise God! Only HE could take a weakness that was woven into the fiber of my very being and inject his spirit for it to become a victory.

What another beautiful picture of my Savior. Instead of shaking his finger at my wounded-by-sin self, he tenderly reaches to pick me up, reminding me that in HIS strength (and my obedience), I can be rid of the weakness that crippled me for so long.

So, therefore, I boast in my weakness, because I know this is yet another opportunity for Christ's power to rest in me!

David and...the Lion and the Bear

2008-05-06T20:32:00.004-05:00

Focal verses: "'Your servant has killed both the lion and the bear; this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, because he has defied the armies of the living God. The LORD who delivered me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine.'" 1 Samuel 17:36-37

Sometimes it's easy, when we read Bible stories we have heard since childhood, to read them without much thought. We know the story, so we skim through it, thinking we know all there is to know.

Reading through the story of David and Goliath, I came across something I had never considered before. We tend to focus on the climax of the story, the grand finale, when David courageously defeated the mighty Goliath. But if we look a few verses before the final act, we can eavesdrop on David's plea to Saul to let this young man get a chance to defeat Israel's foe. We see that David didn't just blindly approach this battle. Sure, he knew it would be won only by the power of God, and he certainly walked by faith. But he also had a little experience to draw from.

I had to stop and picture young David, the shepherd, going nose-to-nose with a lion and a bear. A lion and a bear. That's no small feat! Yet the young warrior knew that credit was due to his Almighty God for delivering him. Could it be that God in these moments, was preparing young David for his destiny with Goliath? God was preparing David for his moment in history, his opportunity to bring glory to his God.

Where are you today? Are you fighting your lion and bear? Going on with your everyday life, fighting battles that seem useless? Are you wondering if there is ever going to be a grand purpose to your struggles? Take heart! David was doing what he thought he would do the rest of his life - tend sheep - and nothing more. Little did he know all God had in store for him!

Or are you fighting your Goliath? When the battle seems insurmountable, reflect on the battles that God has help you win already. God has equipped you for your Goliath, and all you have to do is continue to trust in him. Take heart in David's words to Goliath, "All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the LORD saves; for the battle is the LORD's, and he will give all of you into our hands." (1 Sam. 17:47)

A Different Spirit

2008-05-05T19:39:00.002-05:00

Focal Verse: "But because my servant Caleb has a different spirit and follows me wholeheartedly, I will bring him into the land he went to, and his descendants will inherit it." Numbers 14:24

An angry father is lecturing his wayward children. They had collectively shamed the family name. They turned their back on him and grumbled against him. It didn't seem to matter to them that He always took care of them and loved them. They rebelled and followed their own desires with no consideration. He is fed up with them and is letting them know it.

In this chapter of Numbers, Israel is getting a lecture. God is in the midst of telling Moses that his generation of Israel would not see the Promised Land. God was not happy with his people. He had performed miracles to rescue them from their bondage and slavery in Egypt, and here they were grumbling, complaining, and sinning. And only because Moses petitioned God, did God not destroy them completely. If you read this chapter, you're sense the anger in the lecture.

Then comes verse 24.

Calmness. Pride. There was one faithful child in the bunch, and he was not forgotten. God remembered Caleb's faithfulness in the midst of a whole generation of rebellion. God didn't overlook him with the rest of his "brothers." In fact, while the rest of his generation would not see the Promised Land, God made an exception with Caleb.

Oh, that God would look at me that way! That I may be of a "different spirit" and please God the way Caleb pleased God! My desire is that I will please God where he can say, "Because my servant Jill has a different spirit and follows me wholeheartedly, I will bring her into [her Promised Land], and her descendants will inherit it."

I believe God has a Promised Land for New Testament believers. A place where we are at peace, serving God, loving God, and walking with God. I believe it's God's desire that we live in that Promised Land, just as he desired for Israel to live in their Promised Land.

Don't overlook the end of the verse. God has blessed me with a wonderful son who is now just starting to talk, and I want him to know God above all else. And the promise of this verse is that if God sees my spirit is a spirit of serving him, my descendants will be able to enter into their own Promised Land with God as well!

Oh, that I may have a different spirit!

God Knows

2008-05-04T21:47:00.002-05:00

Focal Verse: "The children of Israel sighed by reason of the bondage, and they cried, and their cry came up unto God by reason of the bondage. And God heard their groaning, and God remembered his covenant with Abraham, with Isaac, and with Jacob. And God looked upon the children of Israel, and God had respect unto them." Exodus 2:23b-25 (KJV)

The Hebrew word for "sighed" in verse 23 literally means to groan or moan. This would indicate complaining or grumbling, not necessarily "crying," as indicated in the New International Version. Notice that the Israelites didn't groan to God. I'm convinced that they didn't pray. They didn't petition him. They didn't even ask for his help.

But God heard them. The Hebrew term for "had respect unto" in verse 25 is yàda', which means "to know," "to understand," or "to have sexual relations." These words indicate a sheer intimacy unlike any other. God heard their groans, and he understood, recognized, and knew - he intimately knew the Israelites' pain like a husband and wife intimately know one another. And not only did he know their pain, he did something about it. In Exodus chapter 3, he prepares to take the Israelites out of Egyptian bondage into the Promised Land.

What does that mean for us? God KNOWS us. He KNOWS our pain, our hurts, and our needs. He even knows us better than we knows ourselves. No matter what type of situation we are in, he knows. Remember this verse next time you endure something you're just not quite sure you can handle, and rest in the fact that God knows your pain and hears your groans. He may not take away the source of your anguish right away, but rest in the fact that he walks with you while you endure it.