Two Talents

A few weeks ago I was blessed to have a friend over for the day. Her husband and I grew up together, and she I had gotten to know each other better through doing a book study via Skype. I was looking forward to spending the day with her and her four children.  But I was also nervous.  I look up to her in many ways; she seems to have it all together when it comes to managing her home and being the wife and mother God has called her to be.  I, on the other hand, well, have a long way to go.

Comparing ourselves with others isn’t something we intentionally set out to do.  We know that it usually promotes either pride or self-deprecation.  But still isn’t it human nature to have those thoughts pass through our minds from time to time?

I find these thoughts making an unwelcome entrance sometimes.  In areas where I am strong, they take the form of pride.  For instance, one of my strengths is being a disciplined person. And when someone mentions struggling in this area, it’s easy for me to think, “Well, I’ve got that one covered.”  (But to be honest, if I ever got out of the habit in my regular disciplines, I’m sure I’d be struggling the same way.)

On the opposite end, in areas where I am weak, I find that I berate myself when I see how someone else is doing it better. I’m particularly hard on myself when I watch mothers who don’t work outside the home.  I start going down the road of how I don’t measure up.

I have to think that I’m not the only one who fights these thoughts (or gives in to them).  Perhaps it’s just human nature for us to look at others and compare.

One morning, out of nowhere, a particular Scripture passage came to mind. It’s the parable of the talents in Matthew 25:14-30. If you’re familiar with the passage, you may think of it the same way I did: The moral of the story is that we are to take what we are given and work to increase it, to give back to God instead of just sitting on it.

But I had never really considered the beginning of the passage where Jesus describes that each person got different numbers of “talents.” (in other words, a type of currency)  One servant got five, one got two, and one got one.  I started thinking that possibly another point of the story is the sheer fact that the talents weren’t distributed evenly. If the only point of the parable was to show how two servants were faithful and one was not, couldn’t the same point had been made had all three servants received two talents? 

Therefore, perhaps we need to look a little closer at the fact that God gives “talents” in different measure.

Perhaps we should all view ourselves as having two talents.  We can always find someone who has “less” and we can always find someone who has “more.”  What matters is not how much we have but instead what we are doing with what we are given.

I’m not one for New Year’s Resolutions, but this year I’m going to make my focus to be faithful with the “two” talents I’ve been given and stop giving into my mind’s temptation to look to my right and left and compare.  I am responsible for what I’ve been given. (Of course, when we’re faithful with what we’ve been given, we will be given more, with which we are to be faithful.)

And one final thing I noticed.  The master had the same response to the servant with five talents as he did the servant with two. “You have been faithful with little.”  He didn’t say to the one with two, “You’ve been faithful with a little,” and to the one with five, “And you’ve been faithful with a little more.”  It was ALL little in the big scheme of things.  But despite how little it was, both servants were commended as “good and faithful.”

May I be faithful with my two talents.

A God Moment

Sometimes things just happen that you know are "God-moments." You know, the things that you know aren't mere coincidence but were undoubtedly a God-whisper to you.  Sometimes it's a reminder of a truth you know. Sometimes it's a confirmation. Sometimes it's an answer.

I've had a few of those experiences recently.  The most profound was today on my way home from work.  It was 5:15 and I passed a funeral procession. Kind of an odd time, I thought. Still, having lived in a funeral home (the upstairs apartment for those who don't know) about 10 years ago when Matt and I first got married, death was, pardon the pun, simply a way of life.  But for some reason this time, I just stared at the hearse as it passed by, and the thought of how fleeting life is crossed my mind.  This person, whoever it was, was alive just a few days ago, and now he or she wasn't.  Sometimes it takes these things to remind us of our mortality.  

The God-moment came when I realized what song just came on the radio as I was stopped for the funeral procession.  It was Third Day's "Trust in Jesus." Here is an excerpt of the lyrics:

One of these days we all will stand in judgment for
Every single word that we have spoken
One of these days we all will stand before the Lord....

What are you going to do when your time has come
And your life is done and there's nothing you can stand on
What will you have to say at the judgment throne

I already know the only thing that I can say

I Trust in Jesus

My great Deliverer
My strong Defender
The Son of God
I trust in Jesus
Blessed Redeemer
My Lord forever
The Holy One, the Holy One

There's nothing I can do on my own to find forgiveness
It's by His grace alone I trust in Jesus
Trust in Jesus

All I could think was, wow.  And then, Thank you, Jesus.  The Creator God-inspired Scripture is crystal clear that we are all destined for an eternity without God (the lake of fire, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth...to name a few descriptions).  God cannot bear the presence of sin.  However in his great love he sent Jesus to bear our sin for us. To die for our sins. And to conquer death so we can through him be saved from our sins.  

Make no mistake about it, every knee will bow, every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord.  The question is, do we bow and confess now, or after it's too late?  

Unless Jesus comes for his followers first, someday that will be my body in that hearse.  And I deserve an eternity separated from God.  But I also have full confidence that by Jesus's sacrifice and by God's grace alone, while my body is in that hearse, my soul will be with Jesus. Spared from the torment without him.  

I trust in Jesus, my great deliverer.  

If you do, too, I hope this blog will spur you to remember how great a gift you have, your salvation.  It came at a price.  Let's honor the price Jesus paid by being faithful to him and doing what we can to share this priceless gift with those who don't know about it.

If you haven't trusted in Jesus, please know that he is the only way we have peace and can know without a shadow of a doubt that our future is secure.  And I'd be glad to answer any questions and point you to the Scriptures that God inspired men to write, that make clear the path of salvation.

Because one of these days we unholy people will ALL stand in judgment before a Holy God.

The Ultimate Comparison

When I was getting ready for the arrival of my first child, I was fully prepared for life after Baby. His schedule was already set in stone, and I knew what to do and what not to do.  How come? Because I had the Baby Bible, known to some as Baby Wise. After all, I had several suggestions that this was THE ultimate baby manual. (Even the clerk at Hastings told me how great it was as I was checking out.)  I ignored my mom and mother-in-law’s concerned raised eyebrows at my predetermined set schedule with no regard that Baby might not cooperate.  After all, they didn’t have all this great information. The Baby Bible hadn’t been printed when they had their babies. (How in the world did they manage?)  A few weeks later, these sweet mothers compassionately withheld their “I told you so” when Baby Drew didn’t exactly eat, sleep, and play on cue despite my “by the book” leadings. 

After a few weeks, I realized that Baby Wise was a very useful book, to be considered along with my mother’s instincts.  Getting him on a schedule was great.  Letting him cry himself to sleep as an infant was not.

Today Drew is almost 5, so my attention is now captured by parenting books.  I have read several that were very helpful.  Just this morning, I saw a review of a new parenting book that seemed very promising.  After reading the review, I was tempted to do the “aha!” thing, thinking maybe this was the parenting book to end all Christian parenting debates.  Then I read the comments on the review and saw some who were as intrigued as I was and some who had valid arguments the other way. 

So what is one to do?  We are in an age where we have all the information we could ever want at our fingertips.  If we want to find something new to try with our children, we can find it. If we want to find something to justify our present viewpoint, we can find it. If we want something to prove that someone else is doing it wrong, we can find it.  You name it, we can find it.

What we fail to miss, even as Christians, is that “THE” parenting book exists in all of our homes. We probably have several copies, in fact. It’s the Word of God itself.  Sure, it doesn’t tell you how to get your infant to sleep through the night in 8 weeks, and it doesn’t tell you how long and when (or if) you should use time outs with your toddler.  But still, it is sufficient.  The Gospel itself – that we’re all sinners and in need of Christ to save us from our sins – stands alone needing nothing added. (After all, the grace of the Gospel is our child’s greatest need anyway.)

That being said, of course I am going to read parenting books.  Of course I’m going to click on parenting articles. Of course I’m going to peruse parenting blogs.  But, I’m going to make a point of putting on a little more discernment.  I’m going to seek out various points of view before I make an assumption that one is right. I’m going to be open that what is right for your child might not be right for mine. And vice versa. But above all,  I’m going to compare what I read with Scripture. 

I’m also not going to assume that I know all I need to know about Scripture.  Anyone can prooftext their position (i.e. find Scripture that underscores the point being made).  When a writer is quoting Scripture, it’s easy to take him or her at his or her word.  I’m realizing, however, that my responsibility is to be in the Word daily, and more importantly, read it more than any other book.  That way, I can “test everything” I read by what I have been reading in Scripture. 

God is funny sometimes.  I may not be able to quote the entire Bible, but what I read this morning might just have application in what I read later. (Case in point, a Scripture quoted in an article I read today was the exact Scripture I read this morning.)   Nothing can go against the Holy Spirit-inspired Word.

And it’s that Word that we must go to. It’s that word that we must compare all other works of writing. Even this one.

When Trials Come... In the Center of God's Will

What do we do when we feel we're exactly where we believe God wants us to be, and intense trials come? I don't know about you, but if I'm exactly where I feel God wants me to be – even where God led me – I certainly don't expect the type of trials that might shake my faith. Little trials, yeah. But not ones that threaten to turn my whole belief system upside down.

In my reading in Exodus recently, this came to mind when I came to chapter 17. Moses had just led Israel out of Egypt, the Red Sea parted, the people saw the Egyptians perish, God had gone ahead of them in a cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night, and he miraculously fed them. You'd think witnessing those type of miracles would inoculate anyone from doubting their God.

Not so with the Israelites. And perhaps not so with us either.

If you don't have a Bible handy, I'll summarize the events. In verse 1, it appears that God was leading the people of Israel to each encampment. They settled at this point at Rephidim – where God appears to have led them directly – and they came upon two significant trials: lack of water and enemy attack. For the purposes of this blog, I'm going to focus in on the enemy attack.

I can't imagine the surprise the Israelites experienced when they were attacked. Here they were, exactly where God wanted them to be. Yet they were attacked. It must be noted that Israel had never experienced war in their lifetimes. In fact, the whole reason God didn't immediately take them into the Promised Land after their exodus from Egypt was because God knew they would face war and wouldn't be able to handle it (Exodus 13:17).

So how did Moses their leader respond? He didn't panic. He didn't doubt God. He immediately took action and told Joshua to take an army of men and go fight. He assured Joshua that he would indeed be there with him watching from a hill with the “staff of God” in his hand. This staff was Moses's reminder to Joshua that the Lord would prevail. It was this staff that Moses used when God struck the plagues on the Egyptians. It was this staff that Moses lifted when God parted the Red Sea. It was with this staff that Moses had just struck a rock and provided water for the people at Rephidim. In effect, Moses was reminding Joshua of God's faithful acts so Joshua would continue in that faith during this uncharted territory of war. And Joshua (the leader-of-Israel in training, unbeknownst to himself) obeyed. And through God's power, he and his army were victorious.

So what can we take from this? First, we can be smack-dab in the center of God's will and still experience trials that we never dreamed of, never were prepared for, and never expected. Those trials can overwhelm us to the point that we have temporary spiritual amnesia and forget all that God has done for us. We should never believe our faith is unshakable. We must remain on our guard.

Second, when we come upon those trials, we must remember God's faithfulness. We must remember what God has done for us. When it seems like the hand of God is nowhere in sight, we must go back to those times where God's hand was clearly on our lives. When our emotions are uncontrollably spiraling, our mind has to recollect God's goodness. We must remember that without exception, God is good.

Finally, we must have faith in the master plan. The attack on Israel gave Joshua his first battle experience, experience he would draw upon when the larger battles – the ones he had to lead when Israel fought for their rightful occupation in the Promised land – ensued. This attack also reaffirmed the hand of God on Moses's life in the eyes of the people. Granted, like us, they would continue to struggle in their faith and would continue to doubt Moses, but this experience served to show Israel once again that they were God's people, and Moses was their leader.

Yes, God very well may lead us to a place where trials lie ahead. Even when we doubt whether we were in his will in the first place, even when we're too caught up in our pain to recollect his faithfulness, even when we can't see our next step much less the master plan, God may just have something bigger in mind than we can fathom.

The House Upon the Rock

The wise man built his house upon the rock, his house upon the rock, his house upon the rock.... The rains came down and the floods came up and the house on the rock stood firm.

Are you singing along? Are you doing the motions?

As I came upon this familiar passage in my reading of Luke, I found myself humming along with this song I learned as a child. But in the midst of my nostalgia, something else in that passage jumped out at me.

“Why do you call me ‘Lord, Lord,’ and not do what I tell you? Everyone who comes to me and hears my words and does them, I will show you what he is like...” Luke 6:46-47 (ESV)

The passage goes on to talk about the man who built his house upon the rock, compared to the one who built his house on the sand.

I don't know about you, but when I was learning about this passage as a child, the focus was on the foundation, the Rock. We are to build our lives on Christ, the Rock, the ultimate firm foundation. And when trials come, we'll stand firm.

In fact, the very first phrase says just that, but all these years, I've missed the next two phrases and thus the whole context. The one whose life withstands trials not only has Christ as his foundation, but he also does what Christ said to do. “Everyone who comes to me and hears my words and does them.” (emphasis mine)

1. We must come to Christ. Check.
   
2. We must hear his words. Check.
   
3. We must do them.
   

Hmm. Okay. So what words is he talking about? In general, he is talking about all of his words, but specifically in this passage, he is talking about his words in this sermon, specifically the Sermon on the Mount.

So here's what I did. I took my handy little blue Bible-friendly highlighting pencil and went through Luke chapter 6 and Matthew chapters 5-7 (where Matthew's account of the sermon on the mount is found), and I highlighted every imperative phrase. For those of us who might need a grammar school recap, an imperative is a “command” statement.

Keep reading.

That's an imperative statement.

In looking at these passages, what is Jesus commanding his disciples to do in order for their figurative houses to stand firm?

Jesus addressed topics, such as anger, reconciliation, lust, divorce, oaths, retaliation, how we treat others, giving, praying, fasting, materialism, anxiety, judging others, prayer needs, how we should handle lawsuits, how we should address others' sin, how we should address our own sin, and more. There's a treasure trove of guidance in these chapters that one can read in one sitting.

These aren't just tips that Jesus gives. This isn't a “motivational sermon” designed for His listeners to pick and choose what applies to them that day.

It kind of reminds me of when I tell Drew to do something that I know is for his own good, but he, in his limited judgment, decides whether or not what I say is a good idea. I am amazed (but I shouldn't be) that he can't see that my perspective is larger than his. I see things he doesn't. I wish he would just TRUST that I have his best interests at heart, and my commands are to protect him and lead him in the right direction.

Similarly, Jesus knows that for our house to stand firm in the midst of trials, not only must it be built on Him, but we also must hear and heed His words.

Facebook and Heaven

Of all the great benefits of Facebook, I have to believe that one of the best is that it gives us just a tiny glimpse of what Heaven will be like.  Just this week - through Facebook - I experienced one of those glimpses.

I'll start at the beginning. I committed my life to Christ when I was in the fifth grade.  Although the actual moment of my repentance and salvation I remember vividly, I don't remember many details after that. One experience, however, came to my mind just a couple of years ago when I was doing a Beth Moore study.  I was to chart my life and name significant spiritual events that God used to shape my life.  As I was doing this and reflecting back on the early years of my faith, God brought to mind one particular Wednesday night.  I had brought a friend to church with me, and at some point, she and I were in the sanctuary by ourselves, and I shared Christ with her. I don't remember what motivated me, I don't remember exactly what I said, and I don't remember her response.  All I remember is that I shared.  A year later, she and her family moved, and I hadn't been in touch with her since.

Fast forward almost twenty years, and I received a Facebook friend request from her.  We caught up with a few emails and then, like most facebook friends, we keep up with one another by reading status updates. As time went on, I noticed that many of her status updates were of her faith:  Bible verses, testimonies, her experience at her church.  Eventually my curiosity got the best of me. I didn't recall her being raised in church, and I wanted to hear her testimony. 

And she was glad to give it!  Like me, she didn't recall many specifics of our conversation that night, but she shared that at that time she felt herself seeking God more and him seeking her.  She started going to church with her landlords while she still lived in our hometown.  Then a few years later, after she had moved from our hometown, she got involved in a church, was mentored by her youth pastor, and came to Christ in faith. 

A couple of years ago, another significant event occured in her life.  One day she was caring for her grandmother in the nursing home, and her grandmother, her grandmother's best friend, and her mom each came to faith in Christ. 

Today she and her husband - who also wasn't raised in church - are raising their son in church and are faithful in following God. 

How thrilled I was to read her testimony!  But it also went beyond that for me.  It served as a reminder that our being obedient to Christ in sharing him with others doesn't always produce the fruit that we will see right away.  The point is that we are obedient.  And the point is, it's not about me or what I do.  It's about what God does. It's my job and privilege to obey; it's his job to bring the person to himself. 

Which brings me back to Facebook and Heaven. If it hadn't been for Facebook, I probably wouldn't have known about my friend until our reunion in Heaven.  I can only hope that throughout our lives we have been and will be obedient to Christ.  And someday we'll get to meet again more people like my friend, whose lives God changed, in part because we were obedient.  Obedient in sharing the gospel.  Obedient to giving to ministries that send others to share the gospel.  Obedient to the ultimate calling we have as Christians: to share the message of salvation through Christ Jesus.

Because we never know what seeds we're planting - or watering - and that God is causing to grow.

"I will trust and not be afraid."

I suppose every child deals with nighttime fears from time to time.  My 3 1/2 year old has been relatively fear-free until very recently.  One night he asked to go to the bathroom, and as we sat there lit only by a nightlight, he talked to me incessantly about random things.  After about 5 minutes of this (and knowing that he had never gone number two at this time of the evening), I realized that there was more to this.

"Drew, do you really have to go to the bathroom, or do you not want to go to bed?"  He replied honestly, "I don't want to go to bed. The bugs will come into my room and hurt me."  My response was what I believe any mother's natural response would be. "Drew, the bugs won't hurt you. And they can't get into the house."  "But the wasps will use their hands and pry the door open."  Thus went the see-saw of words between Drew and me.  He gave a reason for his fear. I responded with a logical answer.

That wasn't working.

Next I went to the next most natural thing.  "Drew, God will protect you.  He watches over you."  Expecting this to calm him down, we went through a similar see-saw of words, even getting into theological questions an adult has trouble comprehending, much less explaining to a 3-year-old.  Clearly, this wasn't working either.

Then I remembered what I did when I was a child of about 10 or 11 when I was scared. I quoted a verse my mom taught me in G.A.'s:  "I will trust and not be afraid." (Isaiah 12:2)  I'll try this, I thought.  It can't hurt.

"Drew, I'm going to teach you a new Bible verse that I said when I was a little girl when I got scared." I had him repeat the phrase after me.  After only saying the verse two times, he was calm and quiet.  I kissed him goodnight, half expecting him to call for me again a little while later.

I didn't hear from him until the next morning. 

Don't get me wrong.  I believe in the power of God's word.  But this was amazing even to me.  The next night, he did the bathroom ritual all over again, this time being scared of the frogs.  Having learned my lesson from the previous night - and halfway wanting to test this again to see if it "worked" - I skipped the logic and even skipped talking about God's protection and went straight to the same Scripture.

He was off to sleep in no time, his fears erased.

For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. (Hebrews 4:12)

Obviously this was a life lesson in parenting for me. Scripture is relevant and active in no matter the situation my children find themselves.  And it's up to me to teach them Scripture - even at this young age - and how to apply it to their daily lives.

Yet, there is also a lesson for me as an adult.  What fears am I facing?  Jesus made it clear that we were not to fear but instead to trust in Him.  (That doesn't mean our worst earthly fears won't come to pass; even most of Jesus' disciples - to whom he told not to fear - were eventually killed for their faith. Instead, it means that when we have trusted in Jesus for our eternal salvation, we ultimately have nothing to fear.)

But when we do find ourselves faced with fear, what do we do?   Do we respond with logic?  Do we respond with our own [possibly incorrect] understanding of God?  Or do we go straight to Scripture?  The latter will be the only infallible response. 

Scripture is the inspired Word of God that is active today, even thousands of years after it was first penned.  Even though I've seen it at work in my life time after time, it takes on even a new meaning when I see it work in my child's young life as well.

This Sickness Will Not End in Death

It was a beautiful Friday afternoon in July.  I sat in the nursery rocking Drew, 11 months old at the time, to sleep.  I had taken the afternoon off when my husband Matt had called me telling me that his dad Mike had been sick, and bloodwork revealed there was illness.  With Mike's previous two bouts with cancer two decades prior, we knew it had returned. 

As Drew lay peacefully in my lap, I found myself praying through tears, "Father, I know all things are for your glory, but for the life of me I cannot imagine Mike's death being for your glory. Even so, it's in your hands." 

Interrupting my prayer came words out of nowhere.  This sickness will not end in death. My mind hadn't even gone to any Bible verses, so I knew these words were not of my own thought process.  I recognized the phrase coming from the New Testament, but I couldn't even recall which story it was from.  I knew from the bottom of my heart, and I had no doubt, that these words were from God.

As tests started to reveal more and more bad news, I started to believe that these words were given to me so that despite the reality, my role would be faith.  Faith that this sickness would not end in death, no matter how dire the situation became.

I embraced my new role and kept the faith, praying for healing, knowing it would come in God's time. As those difficult months became years, I found myself still keeping the faith, praying for healing, yet also questioning that perhaps I had misunderstood.  After all, those words were from Jesus when Lazarus was sick, and Lazarus died before Jesus raised him from the dead.  But throughout it all, I never doubted that the words were from God, even if I didn't understand them completely.  I finally accepted what Priscilla Shirer stated in her book Discerning the Voice of God, that you may never know if you truly heard from God until it comes to pass. 

Then after two long years, again on a Friday afternoon, I found myself watching Mike taking his last breaths.  As he did, I oddly did not feel the presence of God.  I didn't know why.

Two days later on Sunday morning, Drew, now 3, woke me up at 4 a.m.  I couldn't go back to sleep, so as the sun rose, I found myself alone and reading my Bible.  I decided to go back to John chapter 11, where those words that I thought I had heard were located.  As I intently read every word of that chapter, little nuggets of truth popped out at me, but when I read two verses, I found myself sobbing.

"Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?'"   (John 11:25-26, emphasis mine).

"Never die!"  "Never die!"  Those words were so loud in my heart that I could feel them with every fiber of my being.  The Mike I knew never died! 

Through my tears it all became plain to me.  The reason I felt so odd in the hospital as Mike drew his last breath is because death isn't natural. It's not the way God intended. Only after sin entered the world did death follow.  The wages of sin is death... the words of the verse I had memorized as a child held new meaning now.  Though the wages of sin is also spiritual death, I saw firsthand the wages of sin in the carnal sense.  ...but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.  Mike's soul never died because he accepted Jesus's gift of salvation.  I found myself having my own little worship service, praising God, thanking him for salvation.  At this moment, it took on a whole new dimension in my life.

Then my heart reflected to those words I thought I had heard two years ago.  This sickness will not end in death.  They were, in fact, the words of God, straight to my heart.  Two years ago, God had this very moment in mind for me, that I may see the big picture in a new way.  That I may look upon my own salvation with a new thankfulness, and that I may find peace that though Mike's body isn't here, his soul never died.  And it's only because of Jesus' gift that any of us who accepts it has assurance that we will never die. 

What about the "why" question that seems to rear its ugly head?  I won't know all the answers until I meet Jesus, but I go back to that verse in John: "Jesus said, 'This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it.'" (John 11:4)

One thing is for sure.  God has been and will continue to be glorified through Mike's illness and his physical death.  And now Mike knows all the answers to the whys and is glorifying God that his sickness did not end in death.

Cherishing the Good News

I found myself pulling up my mother-in-law's blog again.  I don't know why I was checking it because  I knew what would be on there.

I guess I just wanted to hear the good news again.

My father-in-law has been fighting cancer for over two years, a cancer that should have overtaken him long ago.  After setback upon setback this year, we received good news for a change.  The tumor hadn't grown at all in the six months since his last scan, and most of that time he had no treatment. 

First my husband called me, and then my father-in-law called me.  Later I found myself wanting to hear the good news from my mother-in-law on her blog.  I simply wanted to hear the good news over and over again.

That made me start to think abou the "ultimate" good news of the gospel of Jesus Christ.  How often do I yearn to hear that good news over and over?  I have to admit sometimes it's easy to mentally "check out" when I hear teaching or preaching about salvation.  Tell me something I can use today.

Oh, how that must sadden Jesus who gave it all for me.  May I never "get over" this priceless gift.  May I be grateful every day that through his sacrifice I have hope in eternal salvation.  May I never lose sight that I am saved from the punishment my sins deserve.

May I never tire of hearing the good news.  May I want to hear it over and over.

Melancholy Diaries: True Contentment

When he said, "Just relax," I wanted to clock him.  You'd think after 8 years of marriage my husband would know that "Just Relax" is the last thing I want to hear when anxiety overwhelms me. 

It was not an uncommon Sunday night, when I tend to struggle more than any other time.  This particular night seemed worse than other ones, though.  My temper was flaring and my will was losing the battle against this depression threatening to overtake me. 

The next morning, true to my routine, I fought my "Monday morning blues" and got my coffee at 5:30 and opened the Bible.  For some reason, I felt steered toward a familiar passage in Philippians that always intrigued me.  It talks about how Paul had learned the "secret" of being content no matter the circumstances.  In the past I could never really wrap my mind around the kind of contentment that Paul talked about.  But this morning was different.

As I read over this passage, I began to consider the source of my discontent.  It was in a particular area of my life that I wanted to be changed.  It would be a change that would glorify God; I was simply waiting for his timing.  Surely, I thought, once God brings about this change, I will be content.  I will have peace and joy. 

That's when it hit me.  The source of my contentment can't lie in my circumstances, even if my ideal circumstances involve something that would be glorifying to God.  The source of my contentment must lie in God and God alone. 

My "ideal" circumstance still doesn't promise contentment.  Likely, I would struggle with some of the same things I struggle with now.  That's why I realized the true state of my heart must be content in God alone.  In Jesus' sacrifice that paid my debt.  In his overwhelming love for me. In his forgiveness.  In the fact that he does have a plan for my life. 

But even that perfect plan doesn't promise the peace and joy I long for.

Only God and my heart fully committed to resting in him will bring true joy and peace.

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want" (Philippians 4:12).

(Melancholy Diaries is a section I will be writing on from time to time about my struggle with a form of depression and discontent, and how God is healing this part of my life.  Hopefully through my own struggle, those with similar struggles will be able to identify and find hope.)

Sharing in Spite of Fear

Although my hands weren't shaking, they might as well have been.  The butterflies in my stomach slowly started to calm.  I am embarrassed to even admit the reason for my nervousness.

I just had shared Christ with a coworker.

Don't get me wrong.  I have shared my faith plenty of times, but usually it was in the context of one of the following:

1. a mission trip
2. a church function
3. a religious conversation where the topic happened to come up

And although sharing our faith can involve overcoming some serious fear no matter what the context, this situation had my knees shaking.

I had been praying for "Amy" since she started working in the same office as me a few months prior.  I talked about church and tried to be the best example I could be, in the hopes a topic about God would come up.  I had tried to build a relationship with her, hoping that the better we got to know one another, the better opportunity I would have.  Interestingly, the more we worked together, the harder it became.

Yet lately God has been making me really uncomfortable with my laissez-faire attitude about sharing Christ.  Jesus didn't wait for opportunities.  He initiated conversations.  He didn't tell his disciples to be a good witness because they might be the only Bible some might read.  He told them to go and tell.

Yet this conviction didn't make all my fear disappear.  Recently I had to take my husband in for a surgical procedure.  True to my introvert nature, I just wanted to study for my next lesson I would be teaching at church and maybe read a magazine.  My plans did not involve being ready to share my faith with the hospital worker who wanted to small-talk.  Perfect opportunity.  And just like Jonah, I ran the other way.

After intense conviction over this lost opportunity, I repented and asked God to give me the opportunity to initiate a conversation with Amy, my coworker.  Still fearful, I was determined to obey this time.

Before heading to work this morning, I received a text that the other coworker who is in the office with Amy and me wouldn't be coming in.  I then realized that Amy and I would be alone in the office.  God brought to mind phrases from Ephesians 6 I had read this morning.  "Stand firm...with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace." "Pray that I may declare [the gospel] fearlessly."  And to top it all off, a song came on the radio at that moment with the words "Don't forget why you're here."

So at the first opportunity, butterflies and all, I shared with Amy.  She was receptive, and although she hasn't made a decision yet, I pray for her, that she will come to know Christ's saving grace.

And as the butterflies started to calm, I was at peace.  I obeyed.  I did my part.  Now it's the Holy Spirit's turn to do his. 

That is, until the next opportunity arises.

Miracles

Do you ever read about the life of Jesus and wonder why we don't see miracles like that today? Everywhere Jesus went, he preached and healed.  And healed.  And healed.  I'm sure there are many reasons why a big portion of Jesus' mission was healing, but today I am struck with one.

Mark 6:5-6 says, "He could not do any miracles there, except lay his hands on a few sick people and heal them. And he was amazed at their lack of faith."

Out of all the places Jesus preached and healed, the one place in which he didn't heal many people was his hometown.  These people simply couldn't believe in him.  They had seen him grow up.  They knew his mother.  They knew his brothers and sisters.  They couldn't get past the facts to see the clear miracles this man was doing. 

Because of their lack of faith, they didn't see miracles.

Sometimes we also can't get past the obvious facts to be able to see the miracles performed in our midst. 

In the case of my father-in-law, we have a hard time seeing past the facts.  The tumor is inoperable.  The chemotherapy nor radiation has eliminated the tumor.  His body is taking an incredible toll from this over 2 year fight. 

Yet the miracles are there.  My mother-in-law could list many more but here are the ones I have witnessed.  Last fall, I had to see a specialist, the same one who initially diagnosed Mike's liver tumor.  His nurse remembered Mike, even over a year later, and asked how my husband was doing.  I quickly corrected her, saying, "No, my father-in-law." After talking with her, I realized she hadn't made a mistake.  She was asking how my husband was coping.  When I told her my father-in-law was still in the fight, I'll never forget the joyous shock on her face.

Then this June I was in the emergency room with the family when Mike was taken in with some very frightening symptoms.  I saw the faces of the ER doctors that my mother-in-law had been describing for the past two years.  No one expected him to make it out of that hospital. The look in their eyes told it all. 

Yes, God is performing miracles.  Even miracles of healing.  Perhaps not the healing where he is cancer free, but healing nonetheless.  And God is gaining the glory in countless ways.  He is gaining glory through my mother-in-law's blog as she shares their fight, their struggle, and every prayer need that's met.  He is gaining glory through the love shown by the church, their local one and the body of believers around the country. 

And really, isn't that what miracles are always all about anyway?  Giving glory to God?  Whether it be in my family's fight or in Jesus's earthly ministry, the whole purpose is to point to God, the one who loves us all and gave his only Son Jesus to save us from our sins that destine us to eternal hell.

The one who has so much love that He will allow his precious children to suffer like this in order to bring others to His saving grace.  I'll tell you, I'd have an awful hard time allowing my child to suffer for someone else's benefit, but that's exactly what God is doing. 

I'm convinced as long as God keeps granting miracles in Mike's life, there is at least one more person God is pursuing.  Maybe it's you?

And you betcha, I'm praying for the ultimate miracle in Mike's earthly life.

Aunt Lenora

While getting dressed this Monday morning, I couldn't help but feel a little excited about today.  I was going to a funeral.  Yes, I know what you're thinking, but this was going to be no ordinary memorial service for me.  My dad's aunt, Lenora Gray, went to be with her Savior, and we were going to be celebrating her past life on earth and her present life in heaven.  I only had the pleasure of visiting with this godly woman a few times growing up, but she always impressed me as a gracious, God-fearing lady. 

As I anticipated the service, the memory of her husband's funeral 13 years ago was still fresh in my mind. Uncle Herman's service was one of the most meaningful funerals I had ever attended.  It was a celebration.  After a fight with cancer, my godly uncle received the ultimate healing, and to a bystander his service would have appeared more like a worship service than a memorial.   At 16 years of age, it impacted me.

And today, I was sure I would experience another celebration, of a Christ-follower passing from this life to the life Christ bought for her and for us all.

In the busyness of life, we need to be reminded that this life will end.  We need to be challenged to tarry on for works that will endure for eternity.  We need to be prodded to think about what legacy we will leave.  Perhaps we should even reflect on what we anticipate our own funeral being like. 

I, for one, want my funeral to be like Uncle Herman's and Aunt Lenora's. Where you can't tell the difference between it and a worship service.  Where the saving Gospel of Jesus Christ is preached.  Where God is glorified.  Where my family, though they will miss me, will praise Jesus that we have hope of spending eternity together in the presence of the One who created us all.

"Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his saints" (Psalm 116:15)

God Alone

Focal Verse: "I am the LORD; that is my name! I will not give my glory to another" (Isaiah 42:8).

I wonder sometimes if we don't see present-day miracles, because we don't have the faith to ask God for the otherwise impossible?

I started pondering this as I was working through my anger at God when a surgery to remove my father-in-law's tumor was unsuccessful last fall. We all thought this was the answer. I for one was sure that God was going to use this surgery to heal him. When that didn't happen, I was shocked. Confused. Angry. Then as I was working through my emotions, the verse in Isaiah crossed my mind: "I will not give my glory to another." I thought maybe, just maybe, God was waiting until every medical method had been exhausted, so that when Mike is healed, there would be no mistaking that God was the healer.

While I obviously can't predict the future, nor conclude that this will be the case in my father-in-law's situation, I started pondering the words of this verse in light of many other situations in life, and I started to see a central truth.

Perhaps we don't see - or even ask for - God's miracles, because we expect God to work alongside an earthly solution.

Instead of praying that God will heal a dead marriage, we buy self-help books, even Christian ones. But when the other partner doesn't want any part of the new book we found, we give up. We assume God just isn't going to intervene on this one.

Instead of praying that God will revive our church, we come up with new programs that we know will grow our numbers. But when these programs didn't yield the results, we assume we picked the wrong programs, or that someone didn't do his job.

Instead of praying that God will heal a relationship, we go to other friends to get their opinions on what we should do. But when all that does is give us another shoulder to cry on but no real results, we give up on the relationship and hold on to our bitterness.

You see, I'm convinced that we pray about lots of things, but how many times do we expect that God alone will answer. Not God along with our new book. Not God along with our new programs. Not God along with our friends. Now, I'm not saying that God can't use these things. Certainly he can and does. I'm simply wanting to point out what I have found to be true in my own wavering faith. When I pray, I am looking for the answer in other things, and either God will enable those to work, or God is my back-up plan. God is rarely THE solution I expect.

I am reminded of the story with the great prophet Elijah in 1 Kings 18. Elijah had a contest with the prophets of Baal to see which god would burn up their sacrifice with fire. After the prophets of Baal saw no results from their god, it was Elijah's turn. What is remarkable about this story is that Elijah had 4 jars full of water poured on the sacrifice, so that when God consumed the offering with fire, there was no doubt that it was God alone who performed this miracle.

Look at the prayer Elijah prays after the offering is drenched with water: "Answer me, O LORD, answer me, so these people will know that you, O LORD, are God, and that you are turning their hearts back again" (verse 37). Elijah knew that there was a higher purpose to this miracle. Not only would the people see the glory of God, but they would also know that this God wanted a relationship with his people again.

After the fire not only consumed the offering but also all the water, soil, and stones around it, the people believed: "When all the people saw this, they fell prostrate and cried, 'The LORD -he is God! The LORD -he is God!' (verse 39)"

There was no doubt that God was the author of this miracle, and God used this miracle to turn his people back to him.

Oh, that I could have the faith of Elijah. That I would boldly pray for a miracle that would bring glory to God and people to faith in him. That I would expect God to answer in a miraculous way. And that if, even if I step out in bold faith, God chooses to say "no" or "not now" to my request, that I would simply trust in him and not get discouraged. That I would continue approaching his throne of grace, and that I would be sensitive to when he prompts me to pray for a miracle that would reveal his glory.

That I would have faith in God alone.

A Different Perspective on Repentance

I have to be honest. This is not one of those blog posts where you read the first few lines and then your curiosity is heightened to where you just have to read more. This is instead a blog post of a subject that has been steadily on my heart for the past few weeks, and I feel I must share. If it makes a difference to just one person, it's worth it.

If a survey were conducted in Christian circles as to what comes to mind when the word "repentance" is mentioned, what do you think would be the most common answer? I feel we tend to think of the unsaved accepting the saving grace of Jesus Christ by repenting of their sins. We might also think that it's a process that Christians who have "backslidden" come to when they rededicate their lives.

While those are certainly true, I think we miss so much by limiting repentance in that way. A lifestyle of repentance should be an active part of every Christian's daily life.

Let me explain.

I'm a perfectionist when it comes to some things, especially my Christian walk. I want to do everything right and leave no room for error. I recently realized that this attitude was a hindrance to my walk.

You see, in the past, whenever I realized I had sinned, my unconscious thought process went something like this, "That was wrong, I need to do better next time." Rarely did I find myself going to God and confessing, let alone repenting. Looking back on that, I was no better than a Pharisee, trying to earn the jewels on my crown by works. I kept washing the outside clean, but my inside wasn't cleansed.

Second Corinthians 7:9 says it perfectly: "Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death."

So how do we live a life of repentance? Although I'm still learning this myself, I start with coming to God with the specific sin of which he has convicted me. I confess that this sin (an ungodly thought, a word, an action, a mindset) is a sin against God. Then I ask him to cleanse me of this sin and show me what the godly thought, word, action, or mindset should have been.

The amazing thing about repentance is that through it, God changes me. I'm no longer trying to live in my own strength but instead by the Spirit living in me.

Another benefit of a lifestyle of repentance is godly humility. If I am coming to God on a regular basis with how I have sinned against him, my mindset toward others changes. I don't pass judgement on them. Instead I see both of us as sinners in need of repentance. If I feel led to confront a brother or sister in Christ like Matthew 18 says ("If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over."), I can do it in love and grace.

Repentance. I believe it truly is the beginning of a Christian's life being transformed on a daily basis. And it yields eternal fruit, not only in our lives, but also in the lives of those around us.

Gifts

I am a huge fan of gift registries. Every time I hear of a wedding or a baby shower, I immediately ask, "Where are they registered?" If someone dares not register for their big event, I'm lost.

Along the same line, when I finally got that diamond on my left hand and that stick turned pink, I counted the days til I could register for my big event. Especially as a young bride, I couldn't wait to see who got what off my registry.

It was beyond my imagination that someone would choose not to buy off a registry. So for a wedding gift, when I received this 2-quart round casserole dish with a plastic cover, my first [incredibly spoiled brat selfish] thought was, "but didn't you see that I registered for a different casserole dish?"

The same thing happened 5 years later when I was expecting Drew. Though a little more mature and appreciative of each gift chosen for me, I was simply perplexed when I opened the gift and discovered UNSCENTED Huggies baby wash and lotion. Are you kidding? I wanted my baby smelling so good that people would want to hold him just to smell him. What in the world was I going to do with UNSCENTED baby wash and lotion? (Eventually, having never opened neither, I ended up giving the baby wash to Matt when he ran out of shampoo for the dogs.)

The lotion was a different story, much like the casserole dish. The casserole dish ended up being an item I have used consistently for 8 years. Long after the glasses on my registry had broken, the color schemes in my bathrooms have changed, and the theme in my kitchen had switched, my trusty casserole dish has been true to me the whole time.

And the lotion turned out to be a life-saver. When Drew was a young toddler, he started itching from eczema, especially at night. I tried the lotions Drew's pediatrician recommended, but they didn't take care of the problem. Oatmeal baths seemed to help a little but still didn't get him through the night. Finally, in my desperation, I turned to the UNSCENTED Huggies lotion, and voila, Drew could sleep the entire night without itching. All thanks to someone who chose not to check my registry.

Aren't we like that with God sometimes? We think we know exactly what we need, so we give him our requests. Then we're disappointed, and sometimes angry, when he doesn't go right by our list.

What we don't realize, sometimes til much later and maybe sometimes never, is that God always has a reason for everything he does...or chooses not to do.

In June 2005 I asked God to allow me to conceive a child. He didn't answer my prayer until December of that year because he used that time to show me how to pray for my Drew, even before he was conceived.

I asked God to grant my dreams of a powerful women's ministry, but instead he gave me a small mom's group in my church, because he knew I would implode under the pressure of a large ministry, and I had - and still have - a lot of maturing to do.

I asked God to give me the friendship I wanted with someone, but instead he chose to point out several flaws in myself that wouldn't have been revealed in one of my friendships that just "clicked." He taught me that if I work hard at relationships that aren't so "easy," he can create a love that I could have never imagined and that above all, glorifies him.

"Every good and perfect gift comes from above" (James 1:17). God will not deny us our requests unless there is a greater purpose - a purpose to glorify him and a purpose that is better for us. And truly, those two purposes are one in the same for a child of God.

So, every time I use my casserole dish or smooth the unscented lotion on Drew's skin, I am reminded that God doesn't always give me everything that I ask. Like any good Father, he wants us to come to him with our requests, but we must trust that if he is silent on a request, he has a greater plan.

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen" (Ephesians 3:20-21).

Walking on Water, Part 2

When the phone rang, I was filled with nervous anticipation. My husband was searching for a job after his second layoff, and he had just taken a test for the one company that could keep us in Russellville with all of our family. I was so hopeful for good news.

After all, at the moment, pain was all around me. I was in a Florida hotel room accompanying my mother-in-law to her step-father's funeral. This sudden death added to the pain our family was experiencing with my father-in-law's fight with cancer. I was so hopeful that this phone call would bring a light to our darkness.

But my hopes were shattered as soon as I heard Matt's voice. He didn't know the results, but he was sure he didn't pass. In that phone call, our hopes for staying in our hometown, being near our family, and building our home, were slipping away.

I went to take a shower before the visitation, and I couldn't help but sob and sob. I didn't understand. Why were all these things happening at once? Why couldn't we have gotten some good news? Had God forgotten about us? Did he still have a plan? Why did he seem so silent? At that moment, the faith I had worked so hard to maintain over the months was crumbling.

And there I was. With nothing else left to cling to. Except the one thing I couldn't let go of.

Thankfully, in the midst of it all, I couldn't forget Who my God is. I couldn't forget his promises. His character. His love. His provision. I learned that when I fixed my eyes on him, and him alone, the circumstances around me seemed to get dimmer in the shadow of his light.

What I experienced in my heart that day is what I think Peter experienced when he walked on the water with Jesus.

"'Come,' [Jesus] said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, 'Lord, save me!'" (Matthew 14:29-30)

According to the first part of this verse, Peter walked on the water with no problem. He had his eyes on Jesus. The reality of his circumstances - the fierce wind and waves - were not a question in his mind at that point. All that mattered was that he saw Jesus, he was walking to Jesus, and he trusted Jesus.

But then things changed. Peter became aware of his reality. Most translations of this verse I read say that Peter "saw" the wind. If Peter saw the wind, then his eyes weren't fixed on Jesus. They were fixed on his circumstances, and he panicked. He found himself sinking.

One interesting thing to note is that the wind didn't stop when Peter was walking on water. The difference in his condition was where his eyes were fixed. When they were fixed on Jesus, his circumstances didn't change. The wind was howling and the waves were threatening. But because his eyes were on Jesus, he didn't sink.

Similarly, when we fix our eyes on Jesus, our circumstances don't automatically improve. Jesus doesn't always calm the storm immediately. But when our focus is on him, our perspective changes. He gives us the strength to overcome, and he walks us through it. Then, in his time, and whether it be in this life or in Heaven, Jesus will take us in the boat and the wind will stop.

A few weeks after Matt took his test, he got a letter that he - miraculously - passsed his test and eventually got the job. Jesus had taken us into the boat and this storm had calmed.

But I will never forget that day when the wind and waves were so fierce that all I could do to keep from sinking was look to my Jesus.

Walking on Water, Part 1

I remember the night vividly. It was spring of last year, and I was sitting in the chair beside Drew's crib, waiting for him to fall asleep. The praise songs that calmed Drew for sleep were echoing in the room, almost mocking how I was feeling at the moment.

My husband had been laid off for the second time in four months, and we were clueless about what God wanted for us. The faith that had seen me through the first layoff was faltering. I couldn't see which way to go, and I definitely couldn't see God anywhere in sight. It felt as if he had just left us there in our situation, all alone.

This must have been what the disciples had felt after Jesus had fed the five thousand and then sent the them across the sea on a boat. When Jesus still hadn't joined them between 3 a.m. and 6 a.m., the disciples were afraid and worried. Not only was it the wee hours of the morning, but the wind was also causing the boat to rock and sway. They were fearful and probably confused. After all, they were on the water because this was what Jesus had told them to do, and they had followed his instructions.

Little did they know that Jesus was going to come through for them and perform a miracle right before their frightened eyes.

If Jesus had walked on water during the daytime and in calm seas, would the disciples have experienced the full effect and power of this miracle?

Sometimes we can do exactly what Jesus tells us to do, and stil we find ourselves in the dark, tossed by the wind and waves, with no hint of Jesus in sight. But it's just in this lowest moment where he wants to do a miracle and reveal his full power and presence to us.

Three months after my husband's second layoff, he was blessed with a job better than the previous two. Even though at times we couldn't see God's plan, looking back, his hand never left us. Our faith grew in a way that would have never been possible, had we not been in the storm in the first place.

"But he said to them, 'It is I; don't be afraid.' Then they were willing to take him into the boat, and immediately the boat reached the shore where they were heading" (John 6:20-21).

The Old Box

After three months of living in our new home, I am still unpacking boxes. Yesterday, while cleaning out yet another, I came across a beautiful gold and purple box. Not remembering what was inside, I opened the box, remembering why I never threw it out.

Inside the 8" square box was a hand-written note that said, "Jill, I wanted to get you a little gift for Valentine but did not have a chance to shop. Thanks for your encouraging letters. [Your family is] special. Love you, Pauline S." Beneath the note was an old multi-colored scarf in perfect condition, a maroon and gold beaded necklace, and a box of heart-shaped soaps that must have been older than me.

Miss Pauline was a homebound elderly lady whom I "adopted" as a teenager through "Adopt a Grandparent" at our church. It turns out this never-married lady ended up "adopting" me.

Though we lived just a few miles apart, Miss Pauline and I exchanged letters regularly, and my mom would take me to visit her from time to time. I don't recall what we ever talked about but I do remember how much time and love she invested in me.

I probably didn't really appreciate the gift she gave me that Valentine's Day. But looking back, it was a gift from her heart. In her Christ-like agape love for me, she took from her own belongings to give me this gift. Looking back, this gift was just one example of how she did her best to pour her life into mine.

Though the scarf, necklace, and even the soaps are probably considered antiques by now, Pauline's gift is a tangible reminder for me of how the God wants me to pour my life into others so they will know how great His love truly is.

May I always be reminded of this when I see this old box.

"By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another" (John 13:35).

Roles in Check

"Father, father! Guess what just happened!" I could barely contain my excitement as I breathed the prayer. I had just had an opportunity to talk to a coworker about Christ. Although it didn't go as far as I'd like, I felt I was still able to make in-roads with this man who was trying to do everything he could to politely refute my beliefs.

I was as giddy as a schoolgirl, telling God about my whole conversation, just like I would tell a friend about an exciting event. Then as I calmed a notch, I'm pretty sure God was chuckling at me. The obvious rushed over me, and if God were sitting beside me in human form, I'm sure he would have said, "Yeah, Jill, I know. I am the one who started that conversation, remember?"

A few months ago, as I was reading in the book of John, I saw another perspective of a familiar story. Jesus' encounter with the woman at the well (John 4) is one we can probably summarize by heart. But when I read this again, I saw something I hadn't seen before. After Jesus told the woman that he was the Christ, she went and told the people of her town about Jesus. Some became believers in him right then. And some went to see him themselves:

"They said to the woman, 'We no longer believe just because of what you said; now we have heard for ourselves, and we know that this man really is the Savior of the world'" (John 4:42).

What was the responsibility of this woman? It was to tell people who Jesus was, period. Her responsibility wasn't to make them believe. Only after personally meeting and hearing Jesus did the people believe in him.

Sometimes it's easy to view our responsibility in evangelism like the President sending troops into battle. It's our job and we are to do it, and we report back our progress. But we don't serve a God who sends us into battle. He goes with us. He empowers us. He gives us the words to say. And HE wins the battle when he convicts hearts and draws people to him. Our job is only to be the vessel, being obedient to the call.

After my conversation with my coworker, I found myself pleading with God, "Father, work in his heart." And I'm sure God was thinking with a smile, "My child, I already have been."

"No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him, and I will raise him up at the last day" (John 6:44).