It was a beautiful Friday afternoon in July. I sat in the nursery rocking Drew, 11 months old at the time, to sleep. I had taken the afternoon off when my husband Matt had called me telling me that his dad Mike had been sick, and bloodwork revealed there was illness. With Mike's previous two bouts with cancer two decades prior, we knew it had returned.
As Drew lay peacefully in my lap, I found myself praying through tears, "Father, I know all things are for your glory, but for the life of me I cannot imagine Mike's death being for your glory. Even so, it's in your hands."
Interrupting my prayer came words out of nowhere. This sickness will not end in death. My mind hadn't even gone to any Bible verses, so I knew these words were not of my own thought process. I recognized the phrase coming from the New Testament, but I couldn't even recall which story it was from. I knew from the bottom of my heart, and I had no doubt, that these words were from God.
As tests started to reveal more and more bad news, I started to believe that these words were given to me so that despite the reality, my role would be faith. Faith that this sickness would not end in death, no matter how dire the situation became.
I embraced my new role and kept the faith, praying for healing, knowing it would come in God's time. As those difficult months became years, I found myself still keeping the faith, praying for healing, yet also questioning that perhaps I had misunderstood. After all, those words were from Jesus when Lazarus was sick, and Lazarus died before Jesus raised him from the dead. But throughout it all, I never doubted that the words were from God, even if I didn't understand them completely. I finally accepted what Priscilla Shirer stated in her book Discerning the Voice of God, that you may never know if you truly heard from God until it comes to pass.
Then after two long years, again on a Friday afternoon, I found myself watching Mike taking his last breaths. As he did, I oddly did not feel the presence of God. I didn't know why.
Two days later on Sunday morning, Drew, now 3, woke me up at 4 a.m. I couldn't go back to sleep, so as the sun rose, I found myself alone and reading my Bible. I decided to go back to John chapter 11, where those words that I thought I had heard were located. As I intently read every word of that chapter, little nuggets of truth popped out at me, but when I read two verses, I found myself sobbing.
"Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?'" (John 11:25-26, emphasis mine).
"Never die!" "Never die!" Those words were so loud in my heart that I could feel them with every fiber of my being. The Mike I knew never died!
Through my tears it all became plain to me. The reason I felt so odd in the hospital as Mike drew his last breath is because death isn't natural. It's not the way God intended. Only after sin entered the world did death follow. The wages of sin is death... the words of the verse I had memorized as a child held new meaning now. Though the wages of sin is also spiritual death, I saw firsthand the wages of sin in the carnal sense. ...but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. Mike's soul never died because he accepted Jesus's gift of salvation. I found myself having my own little worship service, praising God, thanking him for salvation. At this moment, it took on a whole new dimension in my life.
Then my heart reflected to those words I thought I had heard two years ago. This sickness will not end in death. They were, in fact, the words of God, straight to my heart. Two years ago, God had this very moment in mind for me, that I may see the big picture in a new way. That I may look upon my own salvation with a new thankfulness, and that I may find peace that though Mike's body isn't here, his soul never died. And it's only because of Jesus' gift that any of us who accepts it has assurance that we will never die.
What about the "why" question that seems to rear its ugly head? I won't know all the answers until I meet Jesus, but I go back to that verse in John: "Jesus said, 'This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it.'" (John 11:4)
One thing is for sure. God has been and will continue to be glorified through Mike's illness and his physical death. And now Mike knows all the answers to the whys and is glorifying God that his sickness did not end in death.
Showing posts with label From my Heart. Show all posts
Showing posts with label From my Heart. Show all posts
Miracles
Do you ever read about the life of Jesus and wonder why we don't see miracles like that today? Everywhere Jesus went, he preached and healed. And healed. And healed. I'm sure there are many reasons why a big portion of Jesus' mission was healing, but today I am struck with one.
Mark 6:5-6 says, "He could not do any miracles there, except lay his hands on a few sick people and heal them. And he was amazed at their lack of faith."
Out of all the places Jesus preached and healed, the one place in which he didn't heal many people was his hometown. These people simply couldn't believe in him. They had seen him grow up. They knew his mother. They knew his brothers and sisters. They couldn't get past the facts to see the clear miracles this man was doing.
Because of their lack of faith, they didn't see miracles.
Sometimes we also can't get past the obvious facts to be able to see the miracles performed in our midst.
In the case of my father-in-law, we have a hard time seeing past the facts. The tumor is inoperable. The chemotherapy nor radiation has eliminated the tumor. His body is taking an incredible toll from this over 2 year fight.
Yet the miracles are there. My mother-in-law could list many more but here are the ones I have witnessed. Last fall, I had to see a specialist, the same one who initially diagnosed Mike's liver tumor. His nurse remembered Mike, even over a year later, and asked how my husband was doing. I quickly corrected her, saying, "No, my father-in-law." After talking with her, I realized she hadn't made a mistake. She was asking how my husband was coping. When I told her my father-in-law was still in the fight, I'll never forget the joyous shock on her face.
Then this June I was in the emergency room with the family when Mike was taken in with some very frightening symptoms. I saw the faces of the ER doctors that my mother-in-law had been describing for the past two years. No one expected him to make it out of that hospital. The look in their eyes told it all.
Yes, God is performing miracles. Even miracles of healing. Perhaps not the healing where he is cancer free, but healing nonetheless. And God is gaining the glory in countless ways. He is gaining glory through my mother-in-law's blog as she shares their fight, their struggle, and every prayer need that's met. He is gaining glory through the love shown by the church, their local one and the body of believers around the country.
And really, isn't that what miracles are always all about anyway? Giving glory to God? Whether it be in my family's fight or in Jesus's earthly ministry, the whole purpose is to point to God, the one who loves us all and gave his only Son Jesus to save us from our sins that destine us to eternal hell.
The one who has so much love that He will allow his precious children to suffer like this in order to bring others to His saving grace. I'll tell you, I'd have an awful hard time allowing my child to suffer for someone else's benefit, but that's exactly what God is doing.
I'm convinced as long as God keeps granting miracles in Mike's life, there is at least one more person God is pursuing. Maybe it's you?
And you betcha, I'm praying for the ultimate miracle in Mike's earthly life.
Mark 6:5-6 says, "He could not do any miracles there, except lay his hands on a few sick people and heal them. And he was amazed at their lack of faith."
Out of all the places Jesus preached and healed, the one place in which he didn't heal many people was his hometown. These people simply couldn't believe in him. They had seen him grow up. They knew his mother. They knew his brothers and sisters. They couldn't get past the facts to see the clear miracles this man was doing.
Because of their lack of faith, they didn't see miracles.
Sometimes we also can't get past the obvious facts to be able to see the miracles performed in our midst.
In the case of my father-in-law, we have a hard time seeing past the facts. The tumor is inoperable. The chemotherapy nor radiation has eliminated the tumor. His body is taking an incredible toll from this over 2 year fight.
Yet the miracles are there. My mother-in-law could list many more but here are the ones I have witnessed. Last fall, I had to see a specialist, the same one who initially diagnosed Mike's liver tumor. His nurse remembered Mike, even over a year later, and asked how my husband was doing. I quickly corrected her, saying, "No, my father-in-law." After talking with her, I realized she hadn't made a mistake. She was asking how my husband was coping. When I told her my father-in-law was still in the fight, I'll never forget the joyous shock on her face.
Then this June I was in the emergency room with the family when Mike was taken in with some very frightening symptoms. I saw the faces of the ER doctors that my mother-in-law had been describing for the past two years. No one expected him to make it out of that hospital. The look in their eyes told it all.
Yes, God is performing miracles. Even miracles of healing. Perhaps not the healing where he is cancer free, but healing nonetheless. And God is gaining the glory in countless ways. He is gaining glory through my mother-in-law's blog as she shares their fight, their struggle, and every prayer need that's met. He is gaining glory through the love shown by the church, their local one and the body of believers around the country.
And really, isn't that what miracles are always all about anyway? Giving glory to God? Whether it be in my family's fight or in Jesus's earthly ministry, the whole purpose is to point to God, the one who loves us all and gave his only Son Jesus to save us from our sins that destine us to eternal hell.
The one who has so much love that He will allow his precious children to suffer like this in order to bring others to His saving grace. I'll tell you, I'd have an awful hard time allowing my child to suffer for someone else's benefit, but that's exactly what God is doing.
I'm convinced as long as God keeps granting miracles in Mike's life, there is at least one more person God is pursuing. Maybe it's you?
And you betcha, I'm praying for the ultimate miracle in Mike's earthly life.
Dedaddy
Focal Verse: "So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal" (2 Corinithians 4:18)On Tuesday I lost my Dedaddy. I'm not sure how I started calling him that as a little girl, but I did. And because I was one of the oldest grandchildren, all of the other grandchildren called him Dedaddy, too.
He was one of the most loving, giving men I've ever met. He worked hard his whole life to provide for his family. He fell in love with my grandmother, 14 years his junior, and treated her three sons as his own. But he also wanted his own child, so he and Mema had my dad's baby brother.
My memories of Dedaddy and Mema are as heart-warming as most children's memories would be of grandparents. I always looked forward to visiting them. Though they lived a modest life, their home was full of love.
But five years ago, my Mema passed away during a risky but necessary surgery. I'll never forget his grief when the surgeon told us. His heart was broken, and he was never the same. These past five years were miserable for him, and sadly, he succumbed to deep depression. Most recently, he realized that his cancer had likely returned, and he had had enough. On Tuesday he took his own life.
It has been difficult to accept. Last night as I lay in bed, my mind started flashing to memories of Dedaddy and Mema like scenes of a movie. Scene 1: Mema picking peas from her garden and showing me, just a little girl, how to shell them. Scene 2: Dedaddy grilling fish and hush puppies in the back yard on a summer evening. Scene 3: All the grandchildren playing with our Christmas presents in the back yard. Scene 4: Dedaddy giving me a kiss as I arrive at their house and saying, "Hi, Sugar!" And then Scene 5: Dedaddy so full of grief that he took his own life in the same backyard where we shared so many good memories.
And then it hit me. It doesn't matter how many good memories you make if you don't have a hope for life after death.
All of those wonderful memories seem so futile now. As Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived, says in Ecclesiastes 1:2, ""Meaningless! Meaningless!"says the Teacher."Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless."
Tonight, my husband and son and I went out to the house we are building. The frame just got up and we were able to walk through what would be the rooms of our future home. Excitement poured through me. As Drew ran through the house, I pictured him growing up in it. I envisioned another child someday in his or her own room. I thought of Christmases being spent around the fireplace. The promise of the family memories we would make in our new home was overwhelming.
Yet even these things will pass away. All that matters is if we have hope for eternity. Where there will never be a tear. Where there will never be depression, despair, or hopelessness. Where there will never be sickness, disease, or disability. Where we will never again be hindered by our sinful nature. Where we will be the perfect individuals God had intended us to be when he created us. Where we will have fellowship with those we love without fear of losing them. Where we will be in the presence of the Savior who loved us so much he couldn't bear to spend eternity apart from us.
I just hope with all of my heart that even in Dedaddy's despair, he found that hope and cried out to God, even if it was in those final moments.
Because I really want to see him again.
Completely Trustworthy
Focal Verse: "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD.
Drew and I were walking toward the entrance of Hobby Lobby today, planning to buy the final supplies for Drew's second birthday party, which is in less than a month. As I was pushing him in the stroller, my mind flashed back to almost two years ago, when Drew was two weeks old. I was pushing him in that same stroller, although then he was lying asleep in the infant carrier part of the stroller instead of sitting up facing forward like he did today.
I remember that day like it was yesterday. Drew was calm and softly sleeping. I was able to somewhat live the dream that I had had months before when I chose this particular stroller combination. When I picked out the exact one I wanted online, I was full of excitement and anticipation. I couldn't wait to stroll my baby calmly and quietly wherever I wanted to go. Everyone would "ooh" and "aah" and how precious he would be and I would be the giddy mommy, like it seemed every other new mommy was. Fast forward a few months to that day in Hobby Lobby two years ago. Drew wasn't the calm and quiet baby I expected. Even as I was shopping in Hobby Lobby, I bided my time until he would wake up, because since it seemed he was either sleeping, eating, or crying, when he awoke, I knew I had to have an exit strategy. This wasn't what I expected.
Throw in postpartum hormones, and those first few weeks of Drew's life were the most difficult weeks I had ever experienced in that point of my life. I remember sobbing on my bed one night, asking God why in the world did he answer my prayer for a child. What was he thinking? I was a horrible mom, and frankly, I wanted my old life back. I was so thankful when I discovered that I was pregnant and that God answered my prayer for Drew, but after he was born, I wondered why God hadn't vetoed this request.
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. (Isaiah 55:8)
Thankfully in the midst of my depression, I had enough faith to know that God didn't make a mistake. He knew exactly what he was doing, and if that were the case, then surely this whole mommy thing would get better.
And of course, it did. One amazing thing about God is that we can completely trust him. He knows what he's doing. He has a purpose when he speaks. He has a purpose for his silence. He has a purpose when he answers our prayers. He has a purpose when he says "no" or "wait."
He is completely trustworthy even when we think he may have made a mistake. He is completely trustworthy even when we think he must have forgotten about us. He is completely trustworthy even when we don't understand.
God is completely trustworthy. Drew and I are living proof. :)
A Living Sacrifice
Focal Verses: "Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will" (Romans 12:1-2).
I'm learning a lot about faith these days. It seems like life has thrown us nothing but one disappointment after another over the last year, and some days, I just wonder when there will be some relief. Hope. Restoration.
I'd like to say that I've been the one who has been the family cheerleader, the one with the positive outlook, reminding everyone else that God has a greater purpose for our travails. Deep down, even though I have to cheer on myself at times, I believe it. I have clung to the hope that God wouldn't let us go through all of this if there weren't a greater purpose. And deep down, my hope has been that in the end, we'll be able to see God weaving every circumstance together for the good, and alas, we'll have our happily ever after.
As you can imagine, this outlook can be a little tiring. Sometimes I've grown weary and have wondered how long my strength is going to last. Is there a limit to my faith? It has been a little frightening. Yet today as I was thinking about everything that has happened, and the hope I have that surely some glimmer of hope is bound to come soon, God whispered a new perspective into my ear. The thought crossed my mind, What if there is no magical answer, no final solution? What if there is no happily ever after? What if God is calling us to live in this adversity indefinitely?
I let my mind ponder on this, and as I did, God brought to mind the chorus of a song by Jeremy Camp, "What it Means." I'll include the song below, but here are the lyrics to the chorus:
Show me what it means, To live my life a sacrifice, If only I would realize how much It took to pay the price, I know I’d always give, Everything to you.
It is hard for me to put into words what the Holy Spirit gently reminded me. But it basically came down to this: God doesn't owe me a happy ending. If he wants me to live my life - even the rest of my earthly days if necessary - in adversity, so be it. He gave his all to me in giving his Son, and the least I can do is offer him my life. I think I've gotten myself so programmed to believing in this happy ending that he would provide, that my faith has been in his ability to provide it rather than trusting that he is all I need.
Perhaps God hasn't provided the solution to our adversities yet because he wants me to become completely dependent on him. That doesn't make God insensitive or uncaring. It is actually the opposite. He cares enough to allow me to go through these things because he knows that anything I cling to in this world is rubbish anyway. He hates seeing me hurt, but he knows if by going through these trials, I can become less dependent on the things of this world - even GOOD things - then I will find my complete joy in him.
Now, that's not to say that I have given up on my happy ending. But I realized that this happy ending, even though I believed it was going to come from God, should not have been the source of my hope. Job says it all to well in Job 1:21, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised."
My hope should come in offering myself as a living sacrifice, so I can live in a way as to worship the God who gave his all for me. Any other blessings that he provides is just "gravy."
Who knows, maybe this is the "secret" of contentment Paul was talking about in Philippians 4:12: "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want."
I'm learning a lot about faith these days. It seems like life has thrown us nothing but one disappointment after another over the last year, and some days, I just wonder when there will be some relief. Hope. Restoration.
I'd like to say that I've been the one who has been the family cheerleader, the one with the positive outlook, reminding everyone else that God has a greater purpose for our travails. Deep down, even though I have to cheer on myself at times, I believe it. I have clung to the hope that God wouldn't let us go through all of this if there weren't a greater purpose. And deep down, my hope has been that in the end, we'll be able to see God weaving every circumstance together for the good, and alas, we'll have our happily ever after.
As you can imagine, this outlook can be a little tiring. Sometimes I've grown weary and have wondered how long my strength is going to last. Is there a limit to my faith? It has been a little frightening. Yet today as I was thinking about everything that has happened, and the hope I have that surely some glimmer of hope is bound to come soon, God whispered a new perspective into my ear. The thought crossed my mind, What if there is no magical answer, no final solution? What if there is no happily ever after? What if God is calling us to live in this adversity indefinitely?
I let my mind ponder on this, and as I did, God brought to mind the chorus of a song by Jeremy Camp, "What it Means." I'll include the song below, but here are the lyrics to the chorus:
Show me what it means, To live my life a sacrifice, If only I would realize how much It took to pay the price, I know I’d always give, Everything to you.
It is hard for me to put into words what the Holy Spirit gently reminded me. But it basically came down to this: God doesn't owe me a happy ending. If he wants me to live my life - even the rest of my earthly days if necessary - in adversity, so be it. He gave his all to me in giving his Son, and the least I can do is offer him my life. I think I've gotten myself so programmed to believing in this happy ending that he would provide, that my faith has been in his ability to provide it rather than trusting that he is all I need.
Perhaps God hasn't provided the solution to our adversities yet because he wants me to become completely dependent on him. That doesn't make God insensitive or uncaring. It is actually the opposite. He cares enough to allow me to go through these things because he knows that anything I cling to in this world is rubbish anyway. He hates seeing me hurt, but he knows if by going through these trials, I can become less dependent on the things of this world - even GOOD things - then I will find my complete joy in him.
Now, that's not to say that I have given up on my happy ending. But I realized that this happy ending, even though I believed it was going to come from God, should not have been the source of my hope. Job says it all to well in Job 1:21, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised."
My hope should come in offering myself as a living sacrifice, so I can live in a way as to worship the God who gave his all for me. Any other blessings that he provides is just "gravy."
Who knows, maybe this is the "secret" of contentment Paul was talking about in Philippians 4:12: "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want."
A Different Spirit
As you probably know if you've read my mother-in-law's blog (http://sonshineshaven.blogspot.com/), life has been rather busy in the last week. I'm still recuperating from our trip to Florida for her step-dad's funeral service. I appreciate those who have been checking in and since I haven't had time to write anything in the last week, I wanted to post something I wrote on June 21, 2005. At that time my husband and I were planning our first child. Drew was conceived that December, and this verse has remained my "life verse" for Drew. I pray this verse over him frequently, and I encourage you if you have a child to pick out a verse that is special to you to pray it over your child, young or old, as well.
Focal Verse: "But because my servant Caleb has a different spirit and follows me wholeheartedly, I will bring him into the land he went to, and his descendants will inherit it." Numbers 14:24
Picture a lecture from a very angry father. His children had collectively shamed the family name. They turned their back on him and grumbled against him. He is fed up with them and is letting them know it.
In this chapter of Numbers, Israel is getting a lecture. God is in the midst of telling Moses that his generation of Israel would not see the Promised Land. God was not happy with his people. He had performed miracles to rescue them from their bondage and slavery in Egypt, and here they were grumbling and complaining. Not only that, they were sinning against God. And only because Moses petitioned God, did He not destroy them completely. If you read this chapter, you're sense the anger in the lecture.
Then comes verse 24. Calmness. Pride.
God didn't forget Caleb. He remembered his faithfulness. God didn't overlook him with the rest of his "brothers." In fact, while the rest of his generation would not see the Promised Land, God made an exception with Caleb.
Oh, that God would look at me that way! That I may be of a "different spirit" and please God the way Caleb pleased God! My desire is that I will please God where he can say, "Because my servant Jill has a different spirit and follows me wholeheartedly, I will bring her into [her Promised Land], and her descendants will inherit it."
I believe God has a spiritual Promised Land for New Testament believers. This is a place where we are at peace, serving God, loving God, and walking with God. I believe it's God's desire that we live in that Promised Land, just as he desired for Israel to live in their Promised Land.
Don't overlook the end of the verse. God has not blessed me with children yet, but I want my children to know God above all else. And the promise of this verse is that if God sees my spirit is a spirit of serving him, my descendants will be able to enter into their own Promised Land with God as well!
Oh, that I may have a different spirit!
Focal Verse: "But because my servant Caleb has a different spirit and follows me wholeheartedly, I will bring him into the land he went to, and his descendants will inherit it." Numbers 14:24
Picture a lecture from a very angry father. His children had collectively shamed the family name. They turned their back on him and grumbled against him. He is fed up with them and is letting them know it.
In this chapter of Numbers, Israel is getting a lecture. God is in the midst of telling Moses that his generation of Israel would not see the Promised Land. God was not happy with his people. He had performed miracles to rescue them from their bondage and slavery in Egypt, and here they were grumbling and complaining. Not only that, they were sinning against God. And only because Moses petitioned God, did He not destroy them completely. If you read this chapter, you're sense the anger in the lecture.
Then comes verse 24. Calmness. Pride.
God didn't forget Caleb. He remembered his faithfulness. God didn't overlook him with the rest of his "brothers." In fact, while the rest of his generation would not see the Promised Land, God made an exception with Caleb.
Oh, that God would look at me that way! That I may be of a "different spirit" and please God the way Caleb pleased God! My desire is that I will please God where he can say, "Because my servant Jill has a different spirit and follows me wholeheartedly, I will bring her into [her Promised Land], and her descendants will inherit it."
I believe God has a spiritual Promised Land for New Testament believers. This is a place where we are at peace, serving God, loving God, and walking with God. I believe it's God's desire that we live in that Promised Land, just as he desired for Israel to live in their Promised Land.
Don't overlook the end of the verse. God has not blessed me with children yet, but I want my children to know God above all else. And the promise of this verse is that if God sees my spirit is a spirit of serving him, my descendants will be able to enter into their own Promised Land with God as well!
Oh, that I may have a different spirit!
To Live is Christ
On this Memorial Day, I would like to pay tribute to my longtime childhood friend, Michael Goins, who lost his life in August 2004. The following is something I wrote shortly after.
Focal Passage: "For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain." Philippians 1:21 (NIV)
Background Passage: Philippians 1:20-26
When your country is at war, your whole view of life changes. Suddenly life isn't all about what you do for a living, how much money you make, or your path to achieving the "American Dream." Even the mindset of the growing Christian changes somewhat. This is especially true when people close to you are fighting the war and even dying in the war. Sometimes your faith in God is challenged. And hopefully, these challenges will spur a deeper knowledge of God and his purpose for life.
In August of last year I lost one of my best childhood friends to the war. The common question, "Why, God?" wasn't absent from my prayers. Michael was a growing Christian, a light to all around him. A second lieutenant, he prayed for his troops and shared his faith when the opportunity arose. Why God chose to take this beacon of light home still doesn't quite register for me, but I've come to trust in God's sovereignty and be at peace with it.
Last month, a co-worker of mine, Eric, whom I've grown close to as well, stepped foot in Iraq for his tour of duty. I communicate with him often and pray for him daily.
One day I was praying for Eric's and his troops' protection, and I realized that I was praying the same prayer I prayed for Michael. The irony disturbed me somewhat. Then a verse came to mind that I had heard since childhood: "To live is Christ and to die is gain." (Phil. 1:21) I've never fully understood that verse. The strict grammar person that I am, I've always found the wording of it quite odd. Then I decided that God brought that verse to mind for a reason and I needed to research it more thoroughly. I looked up the verse online in 19 different versions, and it's funny because only a handful of those versions had any different verbiage for that verse. However, I found one that I felt truly conveyed the intentions of Paul in writing that verse: "Alive, I'm Christ's messenger; dead, I'm his bounty. Life versus even more life! I can't lose." (The Message) What a joyous verse! This version opened my eyes to a verse I've heard since I was young.
Our true home is in heaven with Christ. So to die truly is gain. But for the time that God leaves us here on earth, we have a mission to accomplish. A mission to love and glorify God. A mission to share Christ with others. A mission to be the light of Christ to all around us. And when we go to be with Christ, we will hear him say, like I know Michael did, "Well done, my good and faithful servant."
(Eric returned home after 12 months in Iraq. Shortly after his return, he was promoted to Captain. He and his wife Karla welcomed a their first child, a baby boy, in January. Eric continues to work with me, and he is still active in the Army Reserves.)
Miracle of the Moment
Focal Verse: "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own" Matthew 6:33-34
Isn't it funny how we can sing every word of a familiar song, and yet the words go straight from our heads to our lips and completely bypass our hearts? Then one day we hear the song, maybe in light of a new circumstance, and we finally "hear" it for the first time.
This happened to me last week. Steven Curtis Chapman's song Miracle of the Moment came on the radio. For the first time, these powerful lyrics hit me.
You see, at this moment, my family is in somewhat of a holding pattern, waiting for circumstances to change so we can land at our destination. About a month ago, my husband's company decided to close down the branch he was working at. He had the opportunity to take a transfer to a branch 6 hours away, but after much prayer and contemplation, we decided not to move. Since then, he has been pursuing a couple of local opportunities, but neither company has been in any hurry to make a decision. So we are waiting for God to provide my husband a job.
On my side of things, I yearn to delve more into writing and teaching, but with working the hours I do, I simply don't have enough time to devote to my passion. I am waiting for God to work out my circumstances so I am free to give more of myself to pursue what I feel he made me to do.
These last few weeks, unknowingly, my mindset has become that of "just get through each day until God provides the next thing." I realized that while I feel I'm doing a pretty good job trusting God with our future, I'm doing a terrible job of being content now. I have looked at each day as a day to mark off my calendar, not as day to make the most of.
So you can probably see why these lyrics hit me pretty hard:
There’s a wonder in the here and now
It’s right there in front of you
And I don’t want you to miss
The miracle of the moment
There’s only one who knows
What’s really out there waiting
In all the moments yet to be
And all we need to know
Is He’s out there waiting
To Him the future’s history
And He has given us a treasure called right now
And this is the only moment we can do anything about
I had to realize that God isn't "waiting" for anything. He could provide everything for us right now if he wanted to. But there is obviously a reason we are waiting. I am realizing that by simply looking at each day as a day to endure and get through, I could miss so much. Having my head in the clouds of my future, I could miss the opportunity to minister to someone. I could fail to appreciate the little things my son is doing at this stage of his life. I could miss little lessons like these that could help me the rest of my life!
Like me, is there something you're waiting for, that once it happens, all will be well? We can't forget that God's timing is perfect! There is a purpose for our waiting. If you recall King David, he was first anointed king in 1 Samuel 16. But he didn't become king until 2 Samuel 5 -- 18 chapters later! If you skim through those chapters, you see he isn't sitting on his hands, waiting for God to oust Saul from the throne and fulfill his promise. He was working! He was fighting for his people, seeking God, and writing many of the Psalms we read today.
I hope to take after David's example, and not only trust God with our future, but also look for the miracles in the here and now.
Isn't it funny how we can sing every word of a familiar song, and yet the words go straight from our heads to our lips and completely bypass our hearts? Then one day we hear the song, maybe in light of a new circumstance, and we finally "hear" it for the first time.
This happened to me last week. Steven Curtis Chapman's song Miracle of the Moment came on the radio. For the first time, these powerful lyrics hit me.
You see, at this moment, my family is in somewhat of a holding pattern, waiting for circumstances to change so we can land at our destination. About a month ago, my husband's company decided to close down the branch he was working at. He had the opportunity to take a transfer to a branch 6 hours away, but after much prayer and contemplation, we decided not to move. Since then, he has been pursuing a couple of local opportunities, but neither company has been in any hurry to make a decision. So we are waiting for God to provide my husband a job.
On my side of things, I yearn to delve more into writing and teaching, but with working the hours I do, I simply don't have enough time to devote to my passion. I am waiting for God to work out my circumstances so I am free to give more of myself to pursue what I feel he made me to do.
These last few weeks, unknowingly, my mindset has become that of "just get through each day until God provides the next thing." I realized that while I feel I'm doing a pretty good job trusting God with our future, I'm doing a terrible job of being content now. I have looked at each day as a day to mark off my calendar, not as day to make the most of.
So you can probably see why these lyrics hit me pretty hard:
There’s a wonder in the here and now
It’s right there in front of you
And I don’t want you to miss
The miracle of the moment
There’s only one who knows
What’s really out there waiting
In all the moments yet to be
And all we need to know
Is He’s out there waiting
To Him the future’s history
And He has given us a treasure called right now
And this is the only moment we can do anything about
I had to realize that God isn't "waiting" for anything. He could provide everything for us right now if he wanted to. But there is obviously a reason we are waiting. I am realizing that by simply looking at each day as a day to endure and get through, I could miss so much. Having my head in the clouds of my future, I could miss the opportunity to minister to someone. I could fail to appreciate the little things my son is doing at this stage of his life. I could miss little lessons like these that could help me the rest of my life!
Like me, is there something you're waiting for, that once it happens, all will be well? We can't forget that God's timing is perfect! There is a purpose for our waiting. If you recall King David, he was first anointed king in 1 Samuel 16. But he didn't become king until 2 Samuel 5 -- 18 chapters later! If you skim through those chapters, you see he isn't sitting on his hands, waiting for God to oust Saul from the throne and fulfill his promise. He was working! He was fighting for his people, seeking God, and writing many of the Psalms we read today.
I hope to take after David's example, and not only trust God with our future, but also look for the miracles in the here and now.
A Tale of Three Mother's Days
Focal verse: "It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up
." Ephesians 4:11-12
My first Mother's Day was full of excitement and anticipation. I was six months pregnant and felt joy with every kick in my tummy. I had prayed for Drew and couldn't wait until August, when I would welcome him into my arms. My mom and mother-in-law gave me thoughtful gifts for my "first" Mother's Day, and although that little detail escaped my husband, I wasn't letting anything ruin this day. I longed for the next Mother's Day when I would officially be a mommy.
Yet my second Mother's Day was nothing like I expected the year before. After a difficult postpartum period of adjustment and depression, I spent most of Drew's first nine months trying to keep my head above water. Though I loved Drew dearly, I didn't enjoy the "baby" stage. I know many who love the baby stage will gasp at this statement, but I will venture to say it anyway. Most of the time the baby stage bored me. I wanted him to grow up so I could play ball with him, teach him his ABCs, have a conversation with him. So on my second Mother's Day, all I wanted was a break. Guilt encompassed this day like none other. It was my first Mother's Day, for heaven's sake! I should want to be with my child. Instead, I just wanted some alone time. I thought, "What kind of mother am I?" On a day where I was supposed to enjoy the blessings of being a mother, I felt like such a failure.
A year later, my perspective has changed quite a bit. This last year Drew has grown from the crawler to the runner. From the crier to the almost-talker. From the bottle to the fork and spoon. From the stage I didn't care for to the stage I love. When last year all I wanted was a break, this year all I wanted to do is spend time with my precious boy. While last year I felt like such a failure, this year I feel like a pretty good mom.
What changed? I realized that just because I wasn't fond of the baby stage, that didn't mean I was a bad mom. Just because I didn't end up being the kind of mom I expected to be, that doesn't mean that I can't embrace the mom I am.
For any mom reading this, next time you face a time of insecurity (because we all do from time to time), remember that God chose to give you the child you have because no one is better equipped to rear that child than you. And when you face times that go against your natural strengths, know that God will provide for you and your child. For me, God provided my mom and mother-in-law, who were able to fill in where I couldn't. I know that with Drew not even 2 yet, I have lots more stages to go through, and the next time I feel ill-equipped, I'll be able to embrace who I am and allow God to provide the rest.
Who knows what my fourth Mother's Day will bring. God-willing, I'll look at my 2 1/2 year old with all of the love in my heart, and then glance at another baby bump and know that with God's help, I will get through the baby stage once again. But this time, I won't have any doubt that I am a pretty good mom.
." Ephesians 4:11-12My first Mother's Day was full of excitement and anticipation. I was six months pregnant and felt joy with every kick in my tummy. I had prayed for Drew and couldn't wait until August, when I would welcome him into my arms. My mom and mother-in-law gave me thoughtful gifts for my "first" Mother's Day, and although that little detail escaped my husband, I wasn't letting anything ruin this day. I longed for the next Mother's Day when I would officially be a mommy.
Yet my second Mother's Day was nothing like I expected the year before. After a difficult postpartum period of adjustment and depression, I spent most of Drew's first nine months trying to keep my head above water. Though I loved Drew dearly, I didn't enjoy the "baby" stage. I know many who love the baby stage will gasp at this statement, but I will venture to say it anyway. Most of the time the baby stage bored me. I wanted him to grow up so I could play ball with him, teach him his ABCs, have a conversation with him. So on my second Mother's Day, all I wanted was a break. Guilt encompassed this day like none other. It was my first Mother's Day, for heaven's sake! I should want to be with my child. Instead, I just wanted some alone time. I thought, "What kind of mother am I?" On a day where I was supposed to enjoy the blessings of being a mother, I felt like such a failure.
A year later, my perspective has changed quite a bit. This last year Drew has grown from the crawler to the runner. From the crier to the almost-talker. From the bottle to the fork and spoon. From the stage I didn't care for to the stage I love. When last year all I wanted was a break, this year all I wanted to do is spend time with my precious boy. While last year I felt like such a failure, this year I feel like a pretty good mom.
What changed? I realized that just because I wasn't fond of the baby stage, that didn't mean I was a bad mom. Just because I didn't end up being the kind of mom I expected to be, that doesn't mean that I can't embrace the mom I am.
For any mom reading this, next time you face a time of insecurity (because we all do from time to time), remember that God chose to give you the child you have because no one is better equipped to rear that child than you. And when you face times that go against your natural strengths, know that God will provide for you and your child. For me, God provided my mom and mother-in-law, who were able to fill in where I couldn't. I know that with Drew not even 2 yet, I have lots more stages to go through, and the next time I feel ill-equipped, I'll be able to embrace who I am and allow God to provide the rest.
Who knows what my fourth Mother's Day will bring. God-willing, I'll look at my 2 1/2 year old with all of the love in my heart, and then glance at another baby bump and know that with God's help, I will get through the baby stage once again. But this time, I won't have any doubt that I am a pretty good mom.
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